Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piSr4C6wsBw

Ninety-four minutes of an AVGN charity auction.  Who’s the charity?  I don’t know or care.

Why is everything a charity auction anyway?  Why can’t you just have an auction where all the money goes to you?  It’s your stuff.  You’re doing the work.  Why would a charity get any of the action?  They didn’t do anything.

If you just want to give to charity, give to charity.  You don’t have to announce it.  

By saying that it’s a charity auction, it encourages people to bid more.  “Oh, I’m doing my part to help kids with cancer by buying this t-shirt that James Rolfe wiped his ass on.”  No.  Just give the money to charity directly if that’s what you want to do.  Why the false pretence?  

The items are just shit.  Broken controllers and a stained shirt and whatnot.  Who would want this?  This stuff belongs in the trash.  But he labels them as “props”.

Why would anybody want a prop from a Youtube video?  It’s ridiculous.  These aren’t even really props.  When you think of a prop, you think of something that’s custom-made.  Like a fake newspaper or a Batarang or something.  An NES controller that you hit with a hammer isn’t a prop.

So anyway, we’ve got Crystal Quin aka Horseface Mcgee holding up each item.  She’s wearing half a top, of course.  This is…sexy?  Am I supposed to be jerking off to this?  Is this a hot chick?  No.  Maybe at a nerd convention where the few women in attendance are all 300+ pounds, Crystal could be considered a hot chick.  MAYBE.  Even then I’m not sure.  But in the general population, fuck no.  And with that horrid personality…total zero.  I’d rather fuck one of the mastodons at these things.

Let’s see if Horseface does anything “cringe”.  If she doesn’t, I’ll have to think of a childhood story to pad this thing out.

1:30 – Justin says that all proceeds go to some local hunger charity.  He then points out the irony in an obese man saying this.

1:45 – Horseface gets introduced and the horntards get excited.  One of them repeatedly tells her to “do a circle” like Vanna White.  Whatever that means.  Nobody seems to know.  But these are some HARDCORE nerds here.  You can just hear it in the voice.  And the autistic questions and comments that they make.

One of the guys on stage, the guy keeping track of winning bids, is wearing a mask, by the way.  Surprisingly, Jimmy is not.

2:15 – Yeah.  This is bad.  Horseface shows an NES game and does an exaggerated hand gesture for it.  Is anyone masturbating over this?  What is the point of this?  Just put some clothes on.  Nobody wants to see this.  At least I don’t.  And why try to titillate the mentally retarded?  It’s disgusting.

Maybe Horseface’s jeans could have been a little tighter.  What the fuck.  This is gross.  There’s some uncomfortable stuff going on in her crotch area.  

3:30 – They got $50 for the Raid 2020 NES game that was used in two AVGN videos, apparently.  That’s probably what it goes for generally.  

According to PriceCharting dot com, it’s $36 loose.  So there’s virtually no premium on this being a “prop” that was used in two AVGN videos.  

3:45 – Now it’s a hand-drawn (I think) advent calendar that was allegedly in the Majora’s Mask episode.  I don’t remember the episode or the calendar.  But it’s just a piece of paper and somebody made a calendar.  This is worth nothing, but I guess it is more of a prop since somebody made it just for the video.  So let’s see what it goes for.  Bids for all items start at $10 so I’ll say…$20.  These people are mentally retarded.  They don’t make good purchasing decisions.

Oh this is embarrassing.  I was too optimistic with my prediction.  Ten dollars.  This crinkled piece of paper went for $10.  This is fucking trash.  Well, maybe they’ll get some good items soon.

By the way, the back of Horseface’s top is almost non-existent.

4:45 – Beetlejuice cartridge that’s in many pieces.  It’s in a sandwich bag.  Who would want this?  I’ll say $20 again.

Winning bid was $15.  Justin learned from the advent calendar that increasing bids in $10 increments wasn’t going to work.  So he’s doing it in $5 increments now.

I wonder how many people are in the audience.  It seems like a small crowd.

5:45 – An N64 in a rental case.  Not used in any episode.  It’s just part of Jimmy’s collection.  A horntard probably gave it to him.  

Jimmy says, “I don’t know if it works.”  Unbelievable.  Maybe test it first?  And of course he wouldn’t know if it works.  He doesn’t play video games.  

So who’s going to buy a possibly broken N64 console?  I’ll say $30.  The case might be somewhat rare.

It went for $200.  By the way, the winning bidders have numbers like 5 and 7.  So there might literally only be about ten people in the audience.

7:15 – Brutal Chex box that Justin designed himself.  I’ll say $10.  

It was $60 and the winning bidder was number 14 . So there are at least 14 people here.

9:00 – Nice view of Horseface’s jiggly upper arm fat.

9:15 – Bidder #20 got 10 Atari games, that were never in any video, for $40.  Another item that some horntard “gifted” to Jimmy.  He must have a warehouse of this shit.  I don’t think people are giving him shit any more but for a good few years, I think that a lot of horntards were giving him games, under the misguided view that James is interested in this stuff.

10:30 – Horseface is bending down and acting in a peculiar fashion as she takes stuff out of a crate.

By the way, Justin encouraged Jimmy to add any comments about the items.  Memories he had about them, for example.  Jimmy isn’t doing that.  He’s incapable of doing that.

12:00 – Bidder 28, wins some broken Crash Test Dummies toys for $100.  The bid was $75, Justin was asking for $80, and this guy said $100.  These retards don’t know how this is supposed to work.  He could have had it for $80.  Nobody is impressed by you jumping the bid up.  

Justin called the winning bidder “Fat Chris”.  At this particular convention, I don’t think that the “fat” modifier will do much to differentiate him.

12:45 – It’s a broken controller from the Rob the Robot episode.  Jimmy says of the episode, “It’s a good, round number episode.”  Hello, autism.

It was $320 for that shit.

18:00 – $50 for Surf Trip, a board game that briefly appeared in a Screenwave era episode, that Justin says he paid $90 for on Ebay.  “Remember that all proceeds go to charity.”  He’s really laying the guilt on them.  Hey, don’t you care about starving children?  Give us a lot of money for this trash.

21:30 – They’re bidding on some hat that Jimmy wore in the “Robo Nerd” skit, they’re up to $180, and some giant nerd says, “Is it cash only?”  Justin says that it’s cash or card.  

He was panicking.  He only brought $150 in cash with him.  “Can I use my Dr Who Limited Edition Platinum Discover Card?”

What if somebody does a chargeback?  They’re not happy with the quality of the Robo Nerd hat.  Won’t Screenwave just be fucked?    

24:00 – A “mystery box”.  Jimmy asks to see what’s inside and says stuff but we can’t hear it.  Probably “yeah” and “mmhmm”.  Then Justin looks inside and says, “It’s mostly garbage but there’s some interesting stuff in here.”

This is worth nothing.  Some moron paid $80.

Then they show what’s in the box.  It’s a t-shirt, a Guinness book from 2008, one of those bootleg Funcopop figures of Jimmy, and some sports games.  This is shit.  

And why couldn’t they show the contents of the box BEFORE the bidding?  There’s no reason why they couldn’t do this.  If you want to sell it as a lot, sell it as a lot.  It’s fine.  But not as a mystery lot.  That’s idiotic.

I don’t want to watch any more.  This is just boring.  And Horseface isn’t doing anything overtly annoying.

Let’s skip to the end.  Maybe the big ticket items are there.

1:25:00 – A pizza box and script from the Home Alone episode with that Culkin faggot.  I don’t want to look up the spelling of his first name.  Fifty bucks.  That has to be a disappointment.  Was it just a regular pizza box from a local store or did they make this?  Let me rewind.  

Jimmy says that he should have got Culkin to sign it.  Yeah.  Way to sell the item that we actually have, Jimmy.

And yeah, no mention at all of where the pizza box came from.  I want the full pizza box lore.  Was this from Justin’s personal collection?  He saves pizza boxes from his various travels?  Or was this custom made?  We don’t know.

1:25:45 – Some “battle plan” map from this Home Alone episode.  It’s in crayon.  No mention of who made it.  Presumably, it was Kieran.  If it was Jimmy, they would have said it.

1:28:00 – It’s up to $180.  One of the bidders was complaining because another bidder was only increasing the bid by $1 and Justin was accepting these stupid bids.  So he finally got sick of it and said, “You jerk” and “Have fun framing it.”  

1:29:00 – Justin claims that the next item is “one of the most interesting items in the auction” and asks Jimmy to say a little something about it.  Jimmy doesn’t even know what the item is.  He asks to see it up close.  He looks at it for a while, and then says that it’s a game that he broke off-camera because he was upset.  It’s worth nothing.  A broken game that an autistic man broke in a fit.  Fuck off.

Thirty dollars.

1:30:45 – The last item is “a creepy face mask” of Justin Silverman.  Why is this even…if they want to put some stupid “comedy” item of Justin Silverman in the auction, fine.  He does more for the channel than Jimmy does so I don’t have a problem with it.  But why make it the grand finale?  

I know that all of the items are trash so you can’t really pick a good one to end on but…a Justin Silverman mask?

This was in the Spawn episode for some reason.

Twenty-five for that.

That’s the video.  Jimmy was totally useless.  Of course.  Horseface needs to learn how to dress.  And the whole thing was poorly conceived and executed.  Oh, and the items were all trash.  

But it’s for charity.  So…you’re not allowed to complain.