Purr Pals (Wii) – Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre


0:15 – But first, a word from our sponsors.  And Jimmy is in front of a green screen movie theatre.  Some VPN.  Is he going to talk about how you can watch stuff on Netflix in other regions, even though I’m pretty sure that this is against Netflix’s terms of service?  I’ll guess…yes.  

0:30 – I WAS RIGHT!

Let’s just settle this once and for all.  Is it in fact against the terms of service to use VPNs to bypass region filters on Netflix?  Let me look this up.


Yeah.  Right here.  That post is from seven years ago but apparently, Netflix can terminate your account if they determine that you’re using a VPN to bypass region locks.


There’s a recent post where somebody raises a question about why so many Youtubers advertise VPNs as a way to bypass region lockouts.  

If other “Youtubers” are doing this, it must be in the script that these VPNs are sending out.  Because Jimmy ALWAYS mentions this.  

Nobody is going to kick your front door in for using a VPN and Netflix isn’t going to terminate your account.  But it seems to clearly be against the terms and conditions.  These region locks are there for a reason.  Netflix doesn’t have the rights to show the particular program in a particular region.  Whatever.  It just seems weird to me that this is what’s used to advertise the service.

1:30 – “Remember the Nintendo Wii?”

Good god, James.  Just shave your head.  You don’t even have to shave it.  Just get some clippers, put a number two guard on it, and go to work.  This looks awful.  

2:15 – He’s “playing” Party Babies.  What?  Where’s Purr Pals?

2:45 – Then James starts jerking the Wiimote off.  For this game about babies.  Umm…let’s just move on.

3:45 – Now he’s “playing” Balls of Fury.  By the way, it’s Kieran playing all of these games.  

4:00 – Now Kieran is playing Monkey Mischief.  What is this shit?  Why are there these 15 seconds reviews?  And for Balls of Fury he literally said, “There’s nothing to say about this one.”  So why is it in the video?

4:15 – Billy the Wizard.  There was nothing to say about that previous game, by the way.  Anything to say about this one, Mike, or whoever wrote this shit?  Probably Mike.


4:45 – “Of all the games I’ve auditioned, I think the one you need to see is Purr Pals.”

He’s auditioning games?  I mean, obviously he doesn’t play any of these games.  He’s only doing this shit for “content”.  And it’s not James who’s doing any of this “research” it’s Mike.  Possibly Kieran and/or Justin Silverman.

Still…”auditioning” games.  That’s doesn’t sound good.  Especially given what he did with Party Babies.  Party Babies got the casting couch treatment from Jimmy.

“It’s one of those virtual pet games where you raise a pet.”

You just know that Jimmy never played such a game in his life.  It’s so disingenuous.  

5:00 – Then Jimmy playing with his real cat.  His fucking hairy ape arm stroking this cat.  It’s uncomfortable to watch.  “You’re so soft.  You’re so soft you white, little, fluffy piece of shit.”

Gross.  And you know that he has a scat fetish so this is a term of endearment for him.  The ramifications of it all.  I don’t want to think about any of this.

5:30 – Then James…oh fuck.  I don’t even want to quote it.  But he makes some weird scat/bestiality “joke” about how cats raise their backsides when you pet them.  

5:45 – “I looked up the reason why cats do this.”

Please no.  Just stop this.

“It’s because they want to mark you with their scent from their anal glands.”

Why is this in the video?  We don’t want to hear about Jimmy’s scat/bestiality fetishes.  This is beyond vile.  Who the fuck thought that this was a good idea?  

6:15- Then there’s yet more footage of ape arms over here petting his cat.  “So much fur.  So much fur, you little fucking piece of shit.”

This…come on.  It’s disgusting.  I don’t even have words to describe it.  

7:30 – “You can even spray the cat with water.  Oh come on.  Really?”

Then he just moves on.  This was just a complete throwaway comment.  But isn’t this how people train cats?  Maybe corporal punishment is frowned upon when training cats nowadays but…it’s a cat.  And it’s water.  You’re not going to be able to sit down and reason with it.

And anyway, given the unspeakably vile stuff that James seems to be into with his cat…spraying the cat with some water is far less damaging to the cat.

7:45 – “What really concerns me is the gasoline and propane tank.  Who the hell lets their cat play around gasoline and propane.”

Again, there’s this bizarre, faux outrage over poor pet owners.  The cat is wandering around in the garage.  I don’t think that the owner intentionally put the cat in the garage.  Maybe it’s not even the owner’s garage.  Maybe it’s a neighbour’s garage.  Does the whole town have to cat-proof their garages?  

And again…James…his cat…poop.  I don’t want to think about any of this.  James is like fucking Lenny from Of Mice and Men.  But…with poop stuff.  Not even Lenny was doing that.  Never in a million years would John Steinbeck think of something so disgusting.  

9:15 – Bizarre, unnatural, laughter from Jimmy.  No human laughs like this.  This is what an alien would sound like when trying to mimic human behaviour.

10:15 – There was a cat playing ping pong in the game.  Jimmy pretended to find this hilarious even though I’ve seen stuff like this before.  Was it on America’s Funniest Home Videos or something?  Jimmy must have missed that episode even though he says that he’s a big fan.  

So anyway, now there’s Jimmy in front of a greenscreened backyard playing table tennis with his cat.  Why does everything have to be greenscreen?  Why couldn’t he just film this in his actual backyard?  Or somebody else’s yard?  Ryan’s yard.  Kieran’s yard.  Mike’s yard.  Come on.  The greenscreen looks AWFUL.  It always looks awful.  Why do this?

And the fucking cat is greenscreened.  There’s really badly animated shit of the cat hitting the ball with its paw and tail.

11:15 – Atrocious acting from Jimmy.  I won’t even describe it.

14:15 – Reference to cleaning cat shit.  James is getting excited over here.  

Oh, this is fucking gross.  I thought that it would just be a quick throwaway “joke”.  No.  They’re lingering on this.  Of course.  This is his fetish.

Then Jimmy goes really close to the screen to get a good look at the virtual cat shit.

Is there ANYBODY who finds this funny?  It’s just disgusting.  He’s getting off on this.  

15:15 – Then he drinks water from a beer bottle.  He has to get re-hydrated after all of the masturbation that took place off-camera.

15:45 – “Well, I came really close to saying that this game sucks so badly, it would be more fun to play with cat turds.  Well, then here comes a game where you’re actually playing with cat turds.  Oh my god.”

I think that Jimmy needs to change his underpants now.

“Somebody made this game for me.”


Then there’s extended footage of Jimmy pretending to play this game and he says things like, “Come on.  Pick up the shit.”

I don’t even want to say anything any more.

He says “shit” about two dozen times.  This is funny, right?  No.  He’s jerking over this stuff.

17:00 – “The only things better would be if you took control of the cat’s asshole and aimed the shit into the doody pan.” and there’s poorly-animated footage of shit coming out of James’ actual cat’s anus.

Where did James get the picture of his cat’s anus?  From his own personal spank bank.  He probably has thousands of such pictures.  And this cat shit is real cat shit, again from his own archive.

17:45 – Then the video ends with a tribute to another of James’ cats.  That poor creature.  What horrors has it witnessed?  At least it’s gone now.

What must James be doing with his cat’s faeces?  I don’t want to know.  But you just know it’s something.  Something so unspeakably horrific that it would open a door in your mind that you could never close.  So let’s just stop here.

Please, Screenwave ,get Jimmy the help that he needs.  Don’t just use him as a cash cow.  He’s a human being who needs urgent psychological intervention.  

Oh, I almost forgot the credits.  “Written, directed by, & Starring James Rolfe.” 

Uh huh.  Sure it was.

“Help by Kieran Fallon”.  

Mmhmm.  How exactly did he help?  We know that he got all of the game footage.  Did he also write this?  Or was it Mike?  We know that it wasn’t James.  

4 thoughts on “Purr Pals (Wii) – Angry Video Game Nerd – Cinemassacre

  1. I was at 16:00 and I kept thinking “jesus christ man, you really have been doing all this far too long. This is so embarrassing and rinse and repeaty now”.I can't think of a weirder tribute to a dead pet (dead for 2.5 years now too…making it even weirder?) that I've seen in a while besides this too.

  2. They probably use the region block evasion as advertising pitch for the VPNs because its the best balance of 'not too immoral' and being actually useful for the average viewer, of course still wrong especially if it can get people banned. Most other uses are either too specific or too advertiser unfriendly (e.g. piracy, evading government blocks, circumventing IP bans) so yeah they go with the Netflix thing. Also throw in some dumb shit about spies and hackers, which really doesn't apply unless you live in a country where espionage is really intense. Basically 99% of people don't need ExpressVPN so they'll always have to grasp at straws to sell it, it must be one of the dumbest marketing trends ever. If/when streaming services are really going to enforce no VPNs strictly, I wonder what other bullshit they'll come up with to convince people they still need it.

  3. Mike didn't write it. Mike is mostly done, sure he can me back for Last Ninja but it was most likely Kieran or maybe Justin… or maybe it was some other Youtuber they contracted to write episodes under NDA (yes they do that). They had Joe from Gamesack write an episode about Star Trek that they didn't use and I really doubt that was the first and only time. Another streamer/Youtuber also confirmed it, but I can't find that video. So they just get whoever they can to write episodes, probably on the cheap, who knows they probably user Fiverr.

  4. Maybe it was the toxo that turned Bimmy's brain into swiss cheese. His brain went 'caca' as Al used to say in Quantum Leap.

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