https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hH5V-1j88g
We’re going old school. The first day of May, 2017. One of Erin’s earliest videos. This is before she got with Mike. She was still in California. Living with her parents. Working in the record store. Filming in her bedroom. Shorter hair. She was 29 or 30 years old.
0:00 – “Hey guys!”
She never bothered to change this totally boring, unimaginative opening.
“Today we’re going to be playing Dragon’s Lair on the NES. I really enunciated that part because every time I say it, it feels like I’m saying ‘Dragon Slayer’, not ‘Dragon’s Lair’, which is like a totally different thing.”
Uhhh…that’s the joke, you fucking record store-working retard. A little word play. She’s a big Dragon’s Lair fan, guys.
“I’m sure that that’s a game too but nobody’s talking about that.”
And there’s a picture of some Dragon Slayer game that Erin has never heard of before and certainly never played before.
0:15 – “I’m going to be trying to get past the first stage of the game, just the bridge, and then after that we’ll see how it goes.”
This is the first and only time that Erin has ever played this game. But she’s mentioned this historic moment subsequently. Mike once asked her if she knew about the game Dragon’s Lair and Erin thought about it for a while and said something like, “Yeah, that game sucks.” She was talking about the NES game. She’s totally unfamiliar with the arcade game, which is what Mike was talking about. And she only knows about the NES game from this video in 2017.
0:45 – She immediately dies in this edited video. Then she says, “I’m going to pause for a minute. Oh, okay. So pause is not ‘start’, it’s ‘select’ in this game. That’s already a red flag in my eyes. Not a big deal but for me, ‘start’ should be pause. I don’t know. That’s just what I think.”
What a hot take that was. Erin thinks that “start” on the NES should always be “pause”. Not “select”. She’s a real gamer, boys. She knows all about this kind of obscure video game trivia like how “start” is usually pause on the Nintendo Entertainment System. And in most every console subsequently released.
2:30 – “He looks funny crawling around.”
Cute.
She really sucks at this, by the way. In edited footage.
3:00 – “We did it! We did it! We got past the bridge in Dragon’s Lair. I’ve never done that before.”
You don’t say. And you’ll never do it again.
Then she continues playing. The video only has two minutes remaining so fortunately, this will be over soon.
4:45 – She didn’t get far at all. Then we get a brief glimpse of her ice cream tattoo.
Erin doesn’t really wear sleeves that are this short any more, does she? Because I haven’t seen this tattoo in ages. Let me check a recent stream.
Well, she’s wearing a sweater in a recent stream. And then a Ramones long-sleeve shirt. She’s a big Ramones fan, guys. She wasn’t even born when they were at their peak.
But in the recent Pac-Man stream that she did with Mike, she is wearing a t-shirt. The sleeves are slightly longer than in this 2017 video but not by much. I can’t see the tattoo. Is it just the slightly longer sleeves that cover it or is it because the window is so small or did she perhaps have the tattoo removed?
“I’ve tried it. I’ve had enough. Well, that’s not true because actually, I kind of have the urge to keep going just because I need to beat this thing.”
Five years later, we’re still waiting. Maybe she beat it in her spare time. I guess anything is possible.
5:00 – “That’s one of the most frustrating games that I think I’ve played.”
At this point, Erin had only played…let’s count them…nine games. Nine games in her life. They’re all there, recorded for posterity. She played Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, Felix the Cat, Panic Restaurant, Bible Buffet, Food Fight, Burger Time, Yoshi’s Island, Contra, and Super C.
So out of those nine games, that she played once each, briefly, for the purpose of Youtube videos, Erin found Dragon’s Lair to be the most frustrating. Okay. Great.
“Maybe I’ll do another video where I actually beat the whole game.”
Forgotten dreams.
“If you think that’s something that you want to see, let me know in the comments.”
No thanks, Erin. It’s been five years. It would have happened already.
5:15 – “Yeah. Definitely lives up to everything that I’ve ever heard about this game.”
Such as? Who the fuck is talking about Dragon’s Lair for the NES? I’ve gone my whole life and never heard anybody mention this game.
Let’s check out the comments. Only 117 comments.
Top comment is, “How did Mike Matei make it look so easy?” That comment was left five years ago. So this was before she got with Mike. Right? How soon after she started the channel did she get with Mike? Was it a year? Two years? It might have only been a year. I suppose that we can find out by seeing when the backgrounds changed.
The last video she did in her parents’ home was “Remembering Lunchables”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QUpfMpkEIY
That was 2 July 2018.
The first video where she’s in Mike’s house is “He-Man (Intellivision & Atari)”
That was 10 July 2018.
So…her first video was on 3 January 2017. It only took her a year and a half to find some desperate “Youtuber” to scrounge off of.
And she’s been with Mike for nearly four years now. What does she have to show for it? Her channel is still trash, nobody is watching, and she’s getting fifty buck a month. Rectal trauma and public humiliation is all that she got out of this scam.
I was watching an interview with a former porn star, she did a lot of anal scenes, and she was talking about how nice it is now to be able to defecate without it hurting. She wasn’t even joking.
What an absolute disaster of a life. But this was all calculated. She started the channel with the intention of getting into a fake relationship with a bigger Youtuber in order to become a big Youtube superstar. Didn’t exactly pan out. AT ALL. That’s what’s so delicious about the Erin Plays saga. She was trying to do something really horrible and she failed spectacularly. Now it hurts when she poops. That’s the only thing that she got out of this.
Has anyone commented on this video recently? Yeah, here’s one from a year ago.
– “Id like to see the end of this. Also a full walk through no editing”
I’d like to see that too. Let’s get a deathless speedrun of the game from Erin.