The Worst Director's Cuts We Have Seen! – Tony from Hack The Movies 

I haven’t watched the video yet but in theory, this one should be good.  In theory.  

No Horseface.  No women at all (not that women are inherently a problem but Tony finds the worst women possible just to pull in the horntards).  It’s not a horror film.  It’s “only” an hour long.  And, theoretically, it’s not just going to be Tony summarising a movie.  They’re going to talk about various director’s cuts.  Although, I think that this is basically going to be a “review”/summary of ET.  

Anyway, let’s check it out.

0:00 – Two bearded nobodies.  Why does everybody have a fucking beard on this show?  They’re all completely interchangeable.  I don’t know one bearded guy from the next.  Which bearded guys are these guys?  I think that one of these guys is the faggot who banned me from the Cinemassacre sub-reddit so I automatically hate one of these guys.  But which one is it?  I don’t even know.  Maybe neither of these guys banned me but it doesn’t matter.  Some bearded fuck from Screenwave banned me (I think) so now I hate all of the bearded fucks at Screenwave.

Maybe I’m old school but it’s not a very professional look.  Think of how many “gaming” “Youtubers” have beards.  Tony from Hack the Movies, John Riggs, Joe from Gamesack, Norm the Lazy Historian, Ian from the Pat and Ian Show.  I can go on.  Do any of these people scream professionalism?  They’re just lazy fucks who can’t be bothered to shave every day.  

Perhaps I’m biased because I can’t grow a beard.  I got a razor from the Gillette corporation when I was 18 years old in the mail.  I didn’t ask for it, they just sent it.  They must have had some database of people’s ages and addresses.  I used that razor every day for probably two years.  Never replaced the blade.  Didn’t have to.  Then they sent me another razor and that got me through another two years at least.  

It was obviously some marketing scam to get me hooked on the product and start buying the overpriced replacement blades.  But no.  I didn’t need it.  I didn’t need shaving cream either.  None of this shit.  Just a two year old, dull blade, run it under some water, shave for ten seconds, and I’m done.  

0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor.

Oh great.  We get to see Mz Jessica.  Horseface claims that Jessica is a hot chick, but she says that about just about everybody.  No.  Jessica is a butch lesbian.  Nothing wrong with that.  But…not a hot chick.

By the way, the product they’re shilling for screams scam.

And why is Jessica still working there?  Is she still an intern?  Maybe she got an actual job there.

Wow.  She posts A LOT of stuff about Amber Heard on her Twitter.

2:00 – So both of these guys are from Movie Dumpster.  I’ve never seen that and I never will because of the aforementioned Reddit incident.

By the way, I don’t recall ever watching ET.  Not in its entirety anyway.  I was with my girlfriend over Christmas and it was on tv but I was asleep for part of it.  As a kid, when we first got a VCR, a family friend brought a tape of ET over, which was a big deal because tapes were expensive, but I don’t remember watching it.  I might have seen bits of it on tv over the years.

I didn’t give a shit about movies when I was a kid.  This was in the 1980s.  I knew that the movies were shit.  And I was right.  The 1980s has to be the worst decade for cinema.  There’s a lot of good movies from the 1970s.  There’s good stuff in the 1990s.  But the 1980s?  No.  It’s all commercial shit.  It’s all just about maximising profit.  No artistic value to any of this.  

Television was the same.  Saturday morning cartoons are a glaring example of this.  In the 1970s, there were normal cartoons trying to entertain children.  In the 1980s, it was all about selling you shit.  Every cartoon was just shilling for a toy line.  Then in the 1990s, they got away from that, due to growing outrage over this bullshit.

10:30 – This guy is annoying.  One of the bearded guys.  I don’t know which one.  He’s probably the asshole who banned me.  He’s screaming like a girl over here.

Oh, it’s Shawn.  Let me look it up.  I think that he is actually the guy who “moderates” that sub.

Yeah, that’s the guy.  Fuck him.

21:30 – They’ve finished talking about ET.  They discussed the changes that were made.  Now they’re talking about other director’s cuts that they don’t like.

I just have this on as background noise now.  But that’s what Hack the Movies aka Talking About Tapes is supposed to be.  Background noise.  And for that, it’s doing its job.

This Shawn guy is annoying but not annoying enough to turn this off.  Is it Sean?  I don’t give a fuck.

So I made it to the end.  It’s fine for background noise.  So we’re back on form.  This is peak Hack the Movies aka Talking About Tapes.  This is as much as we can hope for.  

There was no horse-faced woman talking about how hot everybody is.  No stupid shenanigans.  Tony wasn’t summarising a movie.  It was just two guys and an effeminate weirdo talking about movies.  Nothing interesting was said but I listened to it.  

Here’s a bonus video:

Tony is giving an update on the channel.  He puts it on his “clips” channel for the six people who go there.

He’s going to make one video per week now, instead of the two that he’s been doing, because he’s doing other stuff.  There’s whatever his job at Screenwave is and he’s making a movie.  He gives no details on the movie.  Probably for the best.  Newt would just steal the idea, shit out a script in two days, and beat Tony to the punch.

There’s also a new $10 tier on Tony’s Patreon.  What do you get for $10/month?  Computer wallpaper of Horseface.  Whoa!  Sign me up!

That has to the worst fucking reward in the history of Patreon.

Some people in the comments suggest that if Newt was still around, he’d be able to cover that second show.  It’s an interesting idea, I guess, but seeing as how he apparently wasn’t getting paid for these appearances, why would he do that?  

Someone else suggests that Horseface and Johanna could do the second show.  I think that it’s the same issue.  The only one getting paid for these things is Tony, as far as I’m aware.  So why would somebody agree to do half of the work for none of the money?  I don’t even really know why anybody appears on these shows for free in the first place.  The “fame”, I guess.  

But if Tony approached me to appear on the podcast, the first question I would have is, “How much are you paying?”  “Nothing?  I’ll need more than that.”

Wait a minute.  Do you suppose that Horseface is getting paid for that Patreon wallpaper?  Surely, she must be.  Tony is directly profiting from her likeness.  

The whole thing is shady.  Isn’t this why Bootsy left Cinemassacre?  He wanted to get paid for his appearances?  Mike Matei and/or James Rolfe found this to be outrageous suggestion.    

It’s ridiculous.  Of course they should get paid.  Who works for free?  They’re profiting off of these videos in perpetuity and you’re getting NOTHING.  If you don’t want to give a share of the revenue for the videos that they appear in, at least make a one-off payment for every video they appear in.  A hundred bucks a video or whatever.

How much is Hack the Movies even making?  Let’s check SocialBlade.  It can’t be much.

About $9,000/year.  Then Ryan takes his 20% for doing nothing.  Well, I guess he’s supplying the studio space.  But is that worth 20%?  No.  Anyway, that would be $1,800/year.  That leaves Tony with $7,200/year.  Let the good times roll.

It’s absolutely not worth doing.  Two videos a week?  Or now one video a week?  

Why do this?  Go see if your job at Gasper Home & Garden is still available.  It’s more money for less work.  I don’t get it.  That’s the only calculation you ever have to make.  

I guess that he’s not living off of this.  He has a normal job.  This is just extra income.  But still.  Two videos a week for $7,200/year?  No fucking way would I do that.

9 thoughts on “The Worst Director's Cuts We Have Seen! – Tony from Hack The Movies

  1. Yeah, Sean is a spaz often. He gets weirdly SJW melodramatically in reviews sometimes too and it's awkward whenever he does. His cohost Joe is much more knowledgeable and easygoing and seems to be used to how Sean is, and he isn't involved in reddit crap. He's good on Pegwarmers too.All that said, what exactly got you banned anyway? Sean made some claim when he became a mod that he was going to mainly ban based on downvotes except in extreme cases, so considering how much I've seen him go out of his way to protest a slightly racist dark joke from the 80s before I can believe him overreacting like a bitch over any post made on this blog for example.

  2. I would make polls like, “Who would you hire as an office assistant?” or “Who would win in a fight?” or “Who's the most knowledgeable about video games” and the choices would be James, Mike, Tony, Kieran, Justin, and Newt or somebody. The posts always portrayed Screenwave in a positive light. I was doing this sort of as a joke but also as a way to counter the relentless negativity against Screenwave on that sub.So I got banned repeatedly. The only explanation I got was, “We know that you have a blog where you shit on the channel.” Yeah, of course. I openly advertised the blog. But there is absolutely nothing in any post that I ever wrote that merits getting banned. Everything was overwhelmingly positive about Screenwave and the channel in general.They're just completely incompetent. They would erase messages seemingly at random. Not just my stuff but other people. I remember a guy posted a suggestion that James should review silent movies. It wasn't a joke, this was a genuine suggestion and he got genuine replies. They deleted it for some reason. So I just created my own sub. Hilariously, “CinemassacreTruth” was available. This used to be the backup sub for THECinemassacreTruth but Reddit took it away from them so I was able to register it. And TheCinemassacre, which is the “official” sub where this Sean asshole is the moderator, is a total ghost town now.

  3. Speaking of HTM. You know that evangelical nutjob Casey you recently investigated?She's got hardcore simps on there already. Like Horseface level simps purely doing it because they want to fuck her clearly. It's scary.Had one of them say recently that they don't even care about her views because they “respect her for sticking to her beliefs”. (In other words you totally love her views)I was like jesus dude lol, that's such a coward's stance that allows anything to be justified as long as you say that. Like yeah Hitler did all those things, but you gotta “respect” him for sticking to his beliefs!I'd be surprised if Tony didn't know all about her already, but if he does he is definitely using her for views. There's no way Jessica, Johanna, and Crystal wouldn't be grossed out by this chick being around them. She's like the total opposite of everything the three of you are all about and doesn't agree with your sexuality or politics even slightly. Your quite vocal sexualities and politics I might add. Color me surprised when I ever see her in a video with any of you ladies.

  4. She's a complete nut but is she any nuttier than Horseface or Johanna or Trisha? Well, she probably is. But Mint Salad could probably give her a run for her mentally ill money. I have an article on Mint Salad for tomorrow. She's on Fansly now.Anyway, Tony doesn't seem to know any normal, healthy people. Or maybe he does but such people wouldn't want to appear on his show, especially for no pay.

  5. Oh yes, forgot Mint. She at least has the ability to handle social situations a bit better than her. She does have that.But other than that, yes she's definitely more nuts than the others.

  6. Also yes lol, and she has posted like 10x more content already than someone else you posted about before and it's 100x trashier. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist making money that way. She has eons of time on her hands too so it's her most obvious way of never getting a job.

  7. I get banned from TCT and AVGN once every 2 weeks on average. I just use alt accounts. The jannies will ban the most random shit just for the power trip. Who gives a shit about a subreddit ban? It means literally nothing. You have no power jannies, you have nothing.

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