Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BX-u9ApgHnU 

I haven’t watched the video yet but in theory, this one should be good.  In theory.  

No Horseface.  No women at all (not that women are inherently a problem but Tony finds the worst women possible just to pull in the horntards).  It’s not a horror film.  It’s “only” an hour long.  And, theoretically, it’s not just going to be Tony summarising a movie.  They’re going to talk about various director’s cuts.  Although, I think that this is basically going to be a “review”/summary of ET.  

Anyway, let’s check it out.

0:00 – Two bearded nobodies.  Why does everybody have a fucking beard on this show?  They’re all completely interchangeable.  I don’t know one bearded guy from the next.  Which bearded guys are these guys?  I think that one of these guys is the faggot who banned me from the Cinemassacre sub-reddit so I automatically hate one of these guys.  But which one is it?  I don’t even know.  Maybe neither of these guys banned me but it doesn’t matter.  Some bearded fuck from Screenwave banned me (I think) so now I hate all of the bearded fucks at Screenwave.

Maybe I’m old school but it’s not a very professional look.  Think of how many “gaming” “Youtubers” have beards.  Tony from Hack the Movies, John Riggs, Joe from Gamesack, Norm the Lazy Historian, Ian from the Pat and Ian Show.  I can go on.  Do any of these people scream professionalism?  They’re just lazy fucks who can’t be bothered to shave every day.  

Perhaps I’m biased because I can’t grow a beard.  I got a razor from the Gillette corporation when I was 18 years old in the mail.  I didn’t ask for it, they just sent it.  They must have had some database of people’s ages and addresses.  I used that razor every day for probably two years.  Never replaced the blade.  Didn’t have to.  Then they sent me another razor and that got me through another two years at least.  

It was obviously some marketing scam to get me hooked on the product and start buying the overpriced replacement blades.  But no.  I didn’t need it.  I didn’t need shaving cream either.  None of this shit.  Just a two year old, dull blade, run it under some water, shave for ten seconds, and I’m done.  

0:15 – But first a word from our sponsor.

Oh great.  We get to see Mz Jessica.  Horseface claims that Jessica is a hot chick, but she says that about just about everybody.  No.  Jessica is a butch lesbian.  Nothing wrong with that.  But…not a hot chick.

By the way, the product they’re shilling for screams scam.

And why is Jessica still working there?  Is she still an intern?  Maybe she got an actual job there.

Wow.  She posts A LOT of stuff about Amber Heard on her Twitter.

https://twitter.com/jessdaydreaming

2:00 – So both of these guys are from Movie Dumpster.  I’ve never seen that and I never will because of the aforementioned Reddit incident.

By the way, I don’t recall ever watching ET.  Not in its entirety anyway.  I was with my girlfriend over Christmas and it was on tv but I was asleep for part of it.  As a kid, when we first got a VCR, a family friend brought a tape of ET over, which was a big deal because tapes were expensive, but I don’t remember watching it.  I might have seen bits of it on tv over the years.

I didn’t give a shit about movies when I was a kid.  This was in the 1980s.  I knew that the movies were shit.  And I was right.  The 1980s has to be the worst decade for cinema.  There’s a lot of good movies from the 1970s.  There’s good stuff in the 1990s.  But the 1980s?  No.  It’s all commercial shit.  It’s all just about maximising profit.  No artistic value to any of this.  

Television was the same.  Saturday morning cartoons are a glaring example of this.  In the 1970s, there were normal cartoons trying to entertain children.  In the 1980s, it was all about selling you shit.  Every cartoon was just shilling for a toy line.  Then in the 1990s, they got away from that, due to growing outrage over this bullshit.

10:30 – This guy is annoying.  One of the bearded guys.  I don’t know which one.  He’s probably the asshole who banned me.  He’s screaming like a girl over here.

Oh, it’s Shawn.  Let me look it up.  I think that he is actually the guy who “moderates” that sub.

https://www.reddit.com/user/afrokola/

Yeah, that’s the guy.  Fuck him.

21:30 – They’ve finished talking about ET.  They discussed the changes that were made.  Now they’re talking about other director’s cuts that they don’t like.

I just have this on as background noise now.  But that’s what Hack the Movies aka Talking About Tapes is supposed to be.  Background noise.  And for that, it’s doing its job.

This Shawn guy is annoying but not annoying enough to turn this off.  Is it Sean?  I don’t give a fuck.

So I made it to the end.  It’s fine for background noise.  So we’re back on form.  This is peak Hack the Movies aka Talking About Tapes.  This is as much as we can hope for.  

There was no horse-faced woman talking about how hot everybody is.  No stupid shenanigans.  Tony wasn’t summarising a movie.  It was just two guys and an effeminate weirdo talking about movies.  Nothing interesting was said but I listened to it.  

Here’s a bonus video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=padYrOUN6NY

Tony is giving an update on the channel.  He puts it on his “clips” channel for the six people who go there.

He’s going to make one video per week now, instead of the two that he’s been doing, because he’s doing other stuff.  There’s whatever his job at Screenwave is and he’s making a movie.  He gives no details on the movie.  Probably for the best.  Newt would just steal the idea, shit out a script in two days, and beat Tony to the punch.

There’s also a new $10 tier on Tony’s Patreon.  What do you get for $10/month?  Computer wallpaper of Horseface.  Whoa!  Sign me up!

That has to the worst fucking reward in the history of Patreon.

Some people in the comments suggest that if Newt was still around, he’d be able to cover that second show.  It’s an interesting idea, I guess, but seeing as how he apparently wasn’t getting paid for these appearances, why would he do that?  

Someone else suggests that Horseface and Johanna could do the second show.  I think that it’s the same issue.  The only one getting paid for these things is Tony, as far as I’m aware.  So why would somebody agree to do half of the work for none of the money?  I don’t even really know why anybody appears on these shows for free in the first place.  The “fame”, I guess.  

But if Tony approached me to appear on the podcast, the first question I would have is, “How much are you paying?”  “Nothing?  I’ll need more than that.”

Wait a minute.  Do you suppose that Horseface is getting paid for that Patreon wallpaper?  Surely, she must be.  Tony is directly profiting from her likeness.  

The whole thing is shady.  Isn’t this why Bootsy left Cinemassacre?  He wanted to get paid for his appearances?  Mike Matei and/or James Rolfe found this to be outrageous suggestion.    

It’s ridiculous.  Of course they should get paid.  Who works for free?  They’re profiting off of these videos in perpetuity and you’re getting NOTHING.  If you don’t want to give a share of the revenue for the videos that they appear in, at least make a one-off payment for every video they appear in.  A hundred bucks a video or whatever.

How much is Hack the Movies even making?  Let’s check SocialBlade.  It can’t be much.

About $9,000/year.  Then Ryan takes his 20% for doing nothing.  Well, I guess he’s supplying the studio space.  But is that worth 20%?  No.  Anyway, that would be $1,800/year.  That leaves Tony with $7,200/year.  Let the good times roll.

It’s absolutely not worth doing.  Two videos a week?  Or now one video a week?  

Why do this?  Go see if your job at Gasper Home & Garden is still available.  It’s more money for less work.  I don’t get it.  That’s the only calculation you ever have to make.  

I guess that he’s not living off of this.  He has a normal job.  This is just extra income.  But still.  Two videos a week for $7,200/year?  No fucking way would I do that.