Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPHSmqGqVQU

Part 1 here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/06/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-check-out-pac.html

11:30 – They’re doing Super Pac-Man now.  Erin says, “I want to play.”  She actually volunteers.  That’s surprising.  

“Oh, wait.  I was thinking of something else, I think.”

Now I get it.  It was an accident.  She thought that it would be a more modern game that she could just fuck around on and point out cute stuff.  No, Erin.  This is just Pac-Man with more stuff in it.  There’s no going back now.  Get to work, you dumb bitch.  This is your job.  

“I always get Super Pac-Man confused.”

WITH WHAT?  How often is Super Pac-Man coming up in conversation?  I’ve gone my entire life without talking about Super Pac-Man.  But this is “always” happening to Erin.

11:45 – “Okay, I was thinking of a different game.  I forget how this works.”

Uh huh.  “Forgot”.  She “always” “forgets” how to play Super Pac-Man.

She never played this in her life.  Did she even play it when she was doing this briefly, off-stream, for no money with Mike to unlock all of the games?  It was probably just him playing this and she was off crying in the bathtub.  This is totally foreign to her.  She’s never seen this before.

Oh my god.  She knows absolutely nothing about this game.  Just watch this.  This is the worst Super Pac-Man footage ever recorded.

She keeps trying to enter locked doors.  Why?  Is she fucking retarded?  Even if this is the first time she’s ever played this, which it is, how long does it take to figure out that you can’t go through the fucking pink walls?  

13:00 – She actually went out of her way to run directly into a ghost.  She had a clear path in front of her and then she thought, “No, I’m going to run right into this ghost.”

Game over.  There’s no way she’s going to play this again.  What is her excuse going to be?  She seems to be setting up a carpal tunnel escape

Then HungryGoriya aka HornyGoriya “raided” Erin.  Horny Goriya streams now?  When did that happen?

13:30 – Mike starts playing.  Erin says, “I haven’t played a tonne of Super Pac-Man so I wasn’t getting the hang of it but I feel like I thought that I didn’t really enjoy this one.”

What about Pac-Man?  You can always go back to Pac-Man.  Why didn’t Erin play Pac-Man?  It’s a stream about Pac-Man and Erin refused to play Pac-Man.

And she’s lying about Super Pac-Man.  She’s never played this in her life.

“But I kind of liked it, with the keys and stuff.”

What?  She said that she didn’t enjoy the game.  Then immediately after that, she said that she liked it.  

13:45 – “I was getting flustered because of these new, like, mechanics.”

When was Super Pac-Man released?  1982.  Erin aka Cykill1986 was allegedly born in 1987.  She’s had her entire life to figure out the mechanics of Super Pac-Man.  This is not a new game.  

I played Super Pac-Man maybe once.  This was many years ago when I first got MAME.  I was trying out the games.  I fired up Super Pac-Man, played it for a minute, said, “This sucks cock”, and never played it again.  

But I wouldn’t fucking sit there and lie about it.  This is what happened.  This is my experience with Super Pac-Man.  It’s okay if you’ve never played it before, Erin.  You don’t have to lie about it.  It’s not a requirement for a real “gamer” to have played Super Pac-Man.  

14:15 – She’s reading a question from the chat.  “Which do I like better: Pac-Man or Bomberman?”

She doesn’t know either game.  She never played either game.  She doesn’t know the characters.  Yes, I know that she’s playing Pac-Man right now but she still doesn’t know the character.  She has no idea who that yellow guy is.

14:30 – “Probably Pac-Man but I really like some of the Bomberman games.”

Such as?  Expand widely.

“I’m going to say Pac-Man.”

Show your work, Erin.  Why do you say Pac-Man?  Can you defend your answers at all?  Why is Pac-Man superior to Bomberman?  You don’t seem to have played any of these Pac-Man games.  So why does Pac-Man get the victory?  

It’s fucking absurd.  Why does anybody in the chat play along with this?  It’s ridiculously obvious that she has zero experience with video games.  Even after making these videos and streaming on Twitch for fucking years now.  

15:00 – Somebody in the chat is explaining to Erin what Kingsfield is.  It’s some game that Horny Goriya was streaming.  “So Kingsfield — is that what it’s called? — is a first-person, 3-d, slow-paced, RPG sort of thing.”

Erin has no fucking idea what ANY of that means.  

“It’s apparently a very early ‘Souls’ game”

She made air quotes around “Souls”.  She has no fucking clue what that means either.  I don’t even know that that means.

“Oh okay.  First person RPG by the Dark Souls developers.  Okay.”

She might as well be reading an explanation of nuclear fission.  She’s completely out to lunch.  Doesn’t everybody see this?  Why doesn’t anybody call her out?  Why doesn’t Mike say anything?  He knows that she’s a fucking fraud.  He knows that she doesn’t know what any of that means.  Call her out.

“Okay.  Well then yeah, I guess that makes sense that there’s a lot of depth going on.”

What?  What the fuck does that mean?  What is she talking about?  Who said anything about depth?  

Then Mike starts talking about Dark Souls.  Let me remind you that Erin has no idea what this game is.  But she’s sitting there and pretending that she knows.  

16:00 – Erin asks Mike if he likes Super Pac-Man.  He says that he does.  Mike then says, “The one I don’t like is Pac-In-Time.”  Erin looks at the ceiling, obviously totally clueless as to what this game is.

Then after Mike starts explaining what the game is, she recalls the one time that she played the game, which was on stream, for money.

17:00 – After Mike lists the things that he likes about Super Pac-Man, Erin says, “I like how on the buns on the burgers, they’re shiny.”  Mike ignores this.

17:15 – In reference to a previous stage, which had doughnuts or something, Erin says that it’s national Doughnut Day.  She goes on to say, “The only reason I know that is because my mother texted me it.  I like how she felt the need to text me that.”

I don’t know if Erin’s parents are really concerned about the choices that she’s made in life, so they bombard her with pointless texts, or if Erin’s parents are just really stupid and this is the only sort of conversation that they can muster.

17:45 – Erin suggests that there’s an uptick in doughnuts sold on National Doughnut Day, “Especially in office environments.”

How would she know?  Has she ever worked in an office?  As far as I’m aware, the only job she ever had was working in a record store.  If she worked in an office, why has she never said anything about this?

18:15 – Horny Goriya says that she’s going to get a Tim Horton’s doughnut in honour of Erin.  Erin says, “I’ve never had a Tim Horton’s doughnut because I’ve never been to Canada.”

Riveting story, Erin.  And a riveting story by Horny Goriya.  “Hey guys!  I live in Canada.”  Yeah, we know, you tedious cretin.  Nationalism wrapped in corporate greed and the fuelling of the obesity crisis.

18:30 – Pac-Land.  Erin played this once for a Youtube video and she demonstrated a complete and total ignorance about the game.

“It’s been a while since I’ve played this.”

Yeah.  Not since that Youtube video years ago.

“But I’m pretty sure that you can push things to get things.”

She then proceeds to push the first fire hydrant in the wrong direction.

And I believe in her Youtube video, she didn’t move anything.  This was one of the things that I commented on in my review, which no longer exists.  This is the only reason why she knows this.  She read what I wrote.

“Maybe it’s the second one.”

She again pushes in the wrong direction.  It’s NEVER in the direction your travelling.  It’s always in the opposite direction.  I guess that Erin “always” “forgets” this.

19:00 – “So this was originally on Turbo Grafx.”

No.  It was originally an arcade game, you fucking idiot.  The Youtube video she made was of the Turbo Grafx port.

By the way, I think it was the first fire hydrant that you can push.  But she wasn’t able to do it.  She either somehow fucked it up or this doesn’t exist in the arcade version of the game.

Then she died.  She just let the ghost run right into her.  What a gamer!

19:15 – “I like how their eyes are moving around.  I know that I probably said that about the video that I made about this.”

Yeah.  This is all that she can talk about.  After YEARS of making videos and streaming, she still has NOTHING to say about video games that’s even REMOTELY interesting.  She hasn’t advanced AT ALL.  Zero charisma.  Zero personality.  Zero knowledge about video games.  Zero interest in video games.

“It’s so delightful, Mike.  Look at the houses.”

Mike doesn’t respond to any of this idiocy.

19:30 – “They look like grape candy.  I really like that.  I like that colour.”

How does Mike just sit there and listen to this shit?  He’s been with her for YEARS now.  Years of this fucking stupidity.  Years of lies.  For what?  Butt sex with an average-looking, 35 year old, unemployable woman?  

19:45 – Mike asks what happens when you push a fire hydrant.  Erin says, “I think you get items like boots and stuff like that.”

No.  You get the boots after you get through three (or maybe four) stages.  The fairy gives you the boots.  They let you fly.  

The only thing you get from pushing items like the fire hydrants is a hat.  It’s a blue hat.  You like blue, don’t you, Erin?  It’s a nice colour.  The hat prevents the small ghosts who get dropped down from doing any damage.

20:15 – So now she’s on the second stage.  “And like the cactuses too.”  And she proceeds to push in the wrong direction.  It’s NEVER in the direction that she’s pushing.  She only played this game one fucking time and it was for a Youtube video YEARS ago.  Why not just say that?  Why the constant fucking lies?

21:00 – Mike says that maybe the arcade version doesn’t let you push the items.  Erin says, “Maybe.  I hope I’m correct that the Turbo Grafx 16 version had it.”

Why doesn’t she know?  She’s presenting herself as an expert on the fucking game.  Of course it has it.  

Then some horntard asks her if she got some Mario collection.  She said that she did because it has Mario 64 and she likes Mario 64 “Mostly for nostalgic purposes” and “It makes me happy.”

She doesn’t play any of this.  These are all lies.  Why the lies?  Do you think that Erin is sitting at home happily playing Mario 64?  She doesn’t play ANY games EVER in her spare time.  It’s 100% on stream, for money.  Why not just say that?  Why constantly try to fool everybody.  Because she’s not fooling anybody with this shit.  I don’t care how mentally retarded these people are, NOBODY is buying that Erin plays video games in her spare time.  

21:45 – Erin says that she never played Super Mario Sunshine because it’s too much of a hassle to hook up the Game Cube.

But this game came out like 20 years ago.  Why is she only talking about Mike’s set up?  She’s had 20 years to play this game.  Did she have a complicated setup 20 years ago?  Or all of the intervening period between 2002 and when she moved in with Mike?  She had all of this time to play the game.  Why didn’t she?  Because she doesn’t play video games.  She’s not interested in any of this shit.  

It’s fine.  But why doesn’t she just admit it?  Just say, “I’m only doing this on stream.  I like to play games on stream.”  What’s the big deal?  Why portray yourself as some kind of pro-gamer or even “gamer” AT ALL when it’s insanely obvious that she doesn’t know anything about video games and she doesn’t give a fuck about video games?

22:00 – Erin manages to move an object, she gets invisibility or something (I don’t remember this) and then she immediately dies because she doesn’t know how you’re supposed to use this diving board thing.  I think that you have to keep tapping the button to sort of float over.  With the Turbo Grafx, you just switch the turbo function on.  But of course Erin doesn’t know any of this.  

She was going to run out of time anyway.  She doesn’t know about that either.  She hasn’t been paying attention to the timer.  She doesn’t even know what the timer is.

Then she dies on that diving board again.  Mike says, “Do you have tap it in the air or something.”  Erin says, “I don’t remember.”

Because you only played the game one time, you lying bitch.  For a Youtube video.

“I think that you just have to get enough momentum going.”

Nope.  Mike was right.  And he never played the game.  And he’s okay with admitting that.  It’s okay to say that you never played a game before, Erin.  You don’t have to live the lie.  People will still watch the fucking videos.  NOBODY is watching Erin Plays to watch a pro-gamer.  They’re there with their pants around their ankles and jerking off.  It doesn’t matter if you know anything about video games or not.

22:30 – So now it’s Mike’s turn.  He never played the game before.  So let’s see how he does in comparison to Erin, who presents herself as a Pac-Land expert.

23:30 – Fucking retard Sergio asked Erin, “How are you?”  So Erin says, “I’m good.”  

What does he expect from this?  He must ask this every fucking time he’s in the stream, which I think is every stream.  Is he going to get a date out of this?  Has it worked the first thousand times you’ve said this?  Try something more interesting.

24:00 – Erin is telling another untrue story about going to a GameStop or something in California.  She says that the only controller available had Link on it.  Mike said, “Who’s Link?”  Erin says, “I don’t know.  Just some guy.”

They should take this comedy act on the road.  Erin is just always on top with the zingers.

24:45 – 

Mike: What do you think of Link being in Mario Kart?

Erin: (long pause) It’s a little weird.  At first.  But there’s also like Animal Crossing characters now.

Good contribution, Erin.

25:15 – So now Mike is at the spot where Erin died.  The diving board.  Let’s see if he can figure this out.

No.  He tried jumping on the diving board.  That’s a good idea but it’s not what they were going for.

Then he died again.

That’s a game over.  So no, Mike did just as poorly as Erin.

We can stop here for now.