Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E08l4BaXdFI

Here’s part 1:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/03/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt.html

30:45 – “I’m nobody.  I’m a dude who was on a Youtube show that was marginally popular, I was on another show before that.  I was always just the other guy.  So there are a million and one loudmouths on Youtube.  I’ve never thought that I was anything special compared to anybody.  I’m not the host guy, I’m not the old friend/girl who I’ve brought on there.  They have their own star appeal and their own personalities.  I like to just be a guy.”

Horseface got a shout out.  He seems bitter that he got her on the show and then she stopped talking to him.  I think that he has a right be bitter.  

32:00 – Now he’s giving a shout out to that weird bearded guy from Pegwarmers.  Not the host but the weird bearded guest who sometimes is on there with his weird wife.  He’s playing Florida Man in the upcoming Florida Man Saves Christmas movie that we’re all eagerly awaiting.

33:30 – Newt almost starts crying when talking about Last Action Hero.  Let me repeat this.  Newt almost starts crying when talking about LAST ACTION HERO.  You know, that shitty Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.  

What’s next?  Getting weepy over Kindergarten Cop?  Jingle All the Way?

36:45 – Newt gives his height as 5’5″.  This is another obsession of his.  Nobody gives a shit.

Then he refers to the “redhead that I used to be with on the show.”  He’s constantly referring to Crystal Quin but never by name.  Why?  We know who it is.  

Maybe if he doesn’t want to say her name for whatever reason, he can just call her Horseface.

 42:15 – Newt shows off his Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers t-shirt.  More “tits and gore” from Newt.  BORING!

By the way, this guy doing the interview is…annoying but watchable.  Just barely.  He’s some nerdy hipster douchebag.

44:30 – This interviewer says that he recently watched Swamp Zombies AGAIN.  This is the shit movie that Newt made.  Who would watch it once never mind multiple times?  This is next level ass kissing.  This guy is kissing Newt Wallen’s ass.  What is Newt Wallen possibly going to do for you?  

This guy said in his update video that he’s going to be appearing in some stuff on Newt’s channel.  What does that mean?  In Newt’s kitchen or at the cinema with those PVC bondage employees?  

44:45 – Newt explains why he made Swamp Zombies.  “I literally just wanted to spend time with somebody.”

Horseface, Newt.  Just say Horseface.  And you’re fucking pathetic.  Why are you boasting about being pathetic?  Horseface is the worst woman on earth.  GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

Now that I think about it, Jimmy Rolfe also got a horrible wife.  Mike Matei got a horrible sugarbaby.  Could these people not find a decent woman?  They’re out there.  

You see this all the time, though.  Did I tell my tampon buying story?  Let me check the archives.  Yeah.

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/08/ive-had-enough-nutz-checking-out-mr.html

Ha.  And I told it in relation to a rant about what a shit girlfriend Erin is.  So same context as here.

Anyway, Newt is talking about how he’s finishing his movie Midnight Show, after ten years.  Then he’s going to work on Satan’s Slumber Party.  Florida Man is somewhere in here.  All of this stuff sucks ass, Newt.  He must know this on some level.

46:30 – Lemmy from Motorhead is in Midnight Show.  It’s the last thing that Lemmy ever filmed.  What a note to end on.

Ron Jeremy was also in this but Newt decided to cut his part due to his legal issues.

Isaac, the bartender from Love Boat is also in this.  And Gilbert Gottfried.  

So people who haven’t worked in at least 30 years.  It’s just sad.  Sad for them.

46:45 – Another veiled reference to Horseface.  She wanted her scenes removed from this “movie” after the whole plagiarism thing.  

Oh.  But she’s okay with the scenes where she was in zombie makeup and presumably unrecognisable.  

Why does Newt even give a shit?  If he owns the right to the footage, as he presumably does, he can do what he wants with it.  

Anyway, Newt promises that Midnight Show will be done in April.  We can look forward to that.  That’s the same month that he promised the Florida Man comic.  He’s working on too much shit.  “Shit” being the appropriate word here.

48:00 – Newt describes Satan’s Slumber Party as “sleazy and fun and gory and slime and boobs.”  Once again…”tits and gore”.  NOBODY CARES, NEWT!  GET A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!

It’s being filmed in Coaldale, Pennsylvania.  That’s the birthplace of many great films.

He goes on and on and on about the cool camera tricks that he’s going to try.  WORK ON THE SCRIPT, NEWT!  THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM.

51:00 – Newt explains that he’s funding this shit movie by selling his movie poster collection and comic book collection.  

Does he expect to make any kind of profit from this?  He can’t be thinking that.  So he just flushed this money down the toilet.  

52:00 – “Florida Man Saves Christmas is the best thing I’ve ever written in my entire life.  It’s almost too good for me to have written it.”

He’s really hyping this shit.  I will take no pleasure in having to announce that the comic book sucks ass.  Well, maybe a little pleasure.  But I’ve said well in advance that it’s going to suck.  Newt had plenty of warning.  I tried to save him from wasting his money on these shit projects that are never going to be any good.  They can’t be good.  Look at his fucking shit ideas.  SHARK VAMPIRE.  TITS AND GORE.  It’s garbage.  It’s total trash.  

 52:00 – He went to Hollywood and nobody wanted to make Florida Man.  He went to Screenwave and Screenwave didn’t want to do it.  Screenwave told him that it was too raunchy and people don’t want that.  So Newt decided to make this himself.

This is the best thing that he’s ever written.  A movie that not even Screenwave wanted to make.  Screenwave thought that this was too low-brow for the masses.  And this is one time where I have 100% faith in the judgement of Screenwave.

 53:00 – Newt is talking about the star of Florida Man: that weird bearded guy.  Apparently, he was in The Angry Video Game Nerd Movie.  He was also in something called Comic Book Men.  Let me look this up.  If I can.

A reality television show.  That’s not really an acting credit, is it?

53:30 – “He inspired that script because he’d always come out and work for me for free or for gas money.  Just a good dude: him and his wife.”

This is sad on so many levels.  I’ll just move on.  I’m going to start crying like Newt here.

53:45 – “He’s kind of one of my muses.  It was him, Mr Lobo (who’s a horror host), and then the red-headed girl who’s no longer — you know — we don’t associate any more.”

HORSEFACE MCGEE, YOU FUCKING LOSER.  If you can’t even say her name, shut the fuck up about her.  In fact, just shut the fuck up about her regardless.  SHE’S NOT FUCKING INTERESTED.  She was NEVER interested.  She was hanging out with you because you were PAYING her.  Then she used you to get that sweet gig at Talking About Tapes aka Hack the Movies.  Are you not offended by any of this?  Why are you still hung up on this HORRIBLE woman who used you?

It’s just unbelievable.  Fucking Horseface.  She might be the worst person I’ve ever known.  Totally self-obsessed.  Doesn’t care about anybody but herself.  And has an EXTREMLY high opinion of herself.  Totally unjustified.  I mean, LOOK AT HER!  THAT’S a model?  Maybe in Coaltown, Pennsylvania, population 2,000, that passes as a model, but not anywhere else on earth.

“I’d like to have sex with this actresses”.  Great contribution, Horseface.  Got anything else to say?  “This guy at the bar totally wanted to have sex with me.”  Good stuff, Horseface.  You’re really earning the five bucks a video that Tony is paying you for this shit.

Newt can’t get over THAT.  I don’t get it.  

I went out with a Korean girl who was about five feet tall and had giant tits.  She was amazing.  Her teeth were all busted but who cares?  I rarely even looked at her face.  She also had a nice personality.  

I regret fucking that one up.  But she was ten times the woman that Horseface is.  And I got over it.  Quickly.  Within a week.    

Newt has been crying and masturbating over Horseface for something like SIX MONTHS now.  What the fuck?  This horrid woman, both physically and personality-wise.  It’s totally baffling.  I’d be turning cartwheels if I never had to speak to that woman again.

54:00 – “Everything I ever wrote was to impress those three people.”

Put me on the list, Newt.  I’ll tell you what I don’t like: Shark Vampire and “tits and gore”.  So do something else for a change.  Write something that’s actually good.  Can you do it?  He can’t.

And which one of these people was impressed with Shark Vampire?  It’s just…the levels of delusion.  It’s hilarious but also sad when you think about it.  This is a real person.  He’s wasting all of his time and money on absolute trash that will never in a million years be successful on any level: financial, artistic, whatever.

So then this weird bearded guy insisted that Newt go ahead with this Florida Man idea.  

Newt is surrounding himself with people who don’t have his best interests at heart.  Nobody who cares about Newt would tell him to waste even one second or one cent on his idiotic ideas.  

54:30 – “So I went back to the original draft and made it weirder and funnier and now there’s a big butthole daemon and stuff like that.  All this crazy stuff.  There’s a like a Florida skunk ape, which is like their Bigfoot.  There’s Florida Man’s friend who’s a right wing gun nut and he lives in a trailer in the middle of nowhere but inside of his trailer is a huge manor where he has all of these books about the occult.  It’s like the phone booth in Dr Who.”

That all sounds awful.  I mean…a good story is more than just a bunch of wacky ideas thrown together.  You need characterisation.  You need snappy dialogue.  You need a compelling narrative.  Do you have any of that?  No.  

James Rolfe does the exact same thing.  He puts a bunch of bad ideas into his “movies” and calls it a day.  Just one wacky thing after another.  This is not writing.  This is not movie making.

I mean, we can all do this.  Here’s my idea for Georgia Man Saves Easter.  Original idea.  There’s a UFO and then a tentacled monster appears and in the next scene a pig is fucking a cow and then a zombie samurai starts kicking everybody’s ass and then a naked lady with giant boobs appears from another dimension and kills everybody by shooting acid out of her tits.

That’s not a fucking movie, Newt.  That’s something that a hyperactive three year old would come up with.  But now Newt is going to steal my fucking ideas.  

55:30 – “From that point forward, I followed the story of Beowulf.”

Now Newt is ripping off Beowulf.  Why does he have to copy other people’s ideas all the time?  At least Beowulf is in the public domain.

What about this for an idea: do a crossover movie using all public domain characters.  So you have Robin Hood taking on Zorro and Odin and Huckleberry Finn and The Bride of Frankenstein.  But The Bride of Frankenstein is naked and has huge tits.

55:45 – “I don’t do drugs or anything like that.”

Maybe you should start, Newt.  This is the first time that I’ve had to recommend the use of illicit narcotics but maybe it would help the writing process along, Newt.  All of your ideas are the same.  Every fucking time.  And they’re all bad.  

56:15 – Oh.  Florida Man is saving the town of Christmas, Florida.  There’s a town in Florida called Christmas.  So…that’s the “joke” of the title.

There are also going to be strippers.  It’s just shit.  There’s no other word for it.

56:30 – “Even people who say, ‘You’re not a good writer’, they read it and they were like, ‘This is really good'”.

It’s going to be so bad.  It’s pure delusion.

I’m at the first of many hours now.  Newt is talking about the history of Silvermania and whatever.  I’ll stop here for now.

Parts 3 and 4:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt.html

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/04/two-and-half-hour-interview-of-newt_0259611781.html