Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiU3NFWFGVw

Again with this shit.  Why does she keep playing Castlevania games, for the first and last time ever, on stream, for money?  Aren’t even the horntards bored of this?  

I’ll watch but only in the hope that she’ll talk about her recent trip to Disney World or something.  I don’t give a fuck about the game.  We know that she’s going to suck ass at it and not have any idea what’s going on.  That’s a given for any game that she plays.

0:00 – “I’m back.  I missed you all.”

Eugh.  So disingenuous.  This reminds me of something, though.  Some kind of weird Japanese thing where you can have a fake girlfriend if you pay money.  I don’t know exactly what I’m thinking of.

0:15 – Then an immediate edit.  Let’s see what she’s hiding.  Just greeting the horntards?

No, it’s fucking Disney World talk.  Why did she delete this?

“I went to Disney World and I was there for six days, which is amazing.  I haven’t taken a trip, like a vacation, where I was gone that long, probably since I was a teenager.”

What?  Six days?  She hasn’t done that since she went on trips with her parents?  What has she been doing?

If you’re not in a serious relationship, I can see not going on trips.  But if you are in a serious relationship, surely you would go on trips.  So…is it possible that Mike is her first serious relationship?  And not that it even is a serious relationship.  This is a sugar baby thing.  

And how long have Erin and Mike been in this weird relationship?  Three years?  More than that?  They haven’t gone on a trip before?  

What about the constant trips to California?  Don’t those count?  

She has completely wasted her life.  She hasn’t done ANYTHING.  It’s weird as fuck.

“One day I did 25,000 steps, which was a total of 10 miles.”

She’s talking about the various Disney shit that she went to and then made the above bizarre comment.  I guess that she has one of those pedometers that measure how many steps you take.  But…why would we know that?  Do the horntards know what a pedometer is?  And why is she using such a thing?  It’s for weight loss but…is she going out for walks on a regular basis?  I’d be astonished if she was.  She doesn’t fucking do anything.  So is she measuring how many steps she takes from the sofa to the bathroom and whatnot?  

She says that she wanted to stream more before this stream but then she had trouble with her hands.  This bullshit.

“This was my third time ever going to Florida, well, Walt Disney World, and it rained one of the days that I was there.  I feel like it’s just part of the Florida experience just getting rained on when it’s hot.”

What a bizarre story.  It rained.  Doesn’t it rain just about everywhere?  But Erin found this noteworthy.  That it rained.  Maybe I’m not getting something.  Raining while it’s hot.  I…guess it’s normally cool when it rains.  But…in warm climates like Florida?  And she’s from California.  Doesn’t it rain when it’s warm there?  I have so many questions.

Somebody asks her what her favourite snack at Disney World is.  She says, “I like the classic straight up popcorn.”

God.  Everything she does is so boring.  She’s a complete personality blackhole.

Then a horntard mentions Bob Saget.

“Yeah, I was really sad to hear about Bob Saget.  My parents texted me, like, when I think we were in line for dinner.”

What?  God, that’s weird as fuck.  She apparently has insanely intrusive parents who feel the need to text her WHILE SHE’S ON VACATION just to tell her about some dead celebrity.  Like this can’t wait.  

“We know you’re on the first trip you’ve ever taken in your adult life but we just thought that we should tell you that Danny Tanner died.”

“What?  Fuck off.  I’m with the love of my life Mike Matei.  I don’t give a fuck about this.  I didn’t even watch the show.  It was on before I was born.  Fuck off with this shit.”

It’s just insane.  Why would they do this?

And if they’re this intrusive and over-protective how on earth did they allow her to move in with Mike in the first place?  They must know that it’s some weird buttsex for internet promotion agreement.  Why wouldn’t these seemingly overbearing parents strongly urge their only child not to do this insanely stupid thing?  

Maybe they did and she just declined the advice.  Or she said, “Don’t worry.  I’ll be back every month.”

“Because I grew up watching A LOT of America’s Funniest Home Videos.”

Really?  Let me look this up.

Bob Saget was on that show from 1989 to 1997.  Erin was born in 1987, according to her (which is disputed by Cykill1986).  So…she would have been 10 years old when Bob Saget left the show.  She remembers this?  She remembers watching A LOT of America’s Funniest Home Videos before the age of 10?

I don’t remember watching anything from when I was 10 or younger.  Not specifically, anyway.  

“And…Full House too.  When I was really little.”

She actually had to pause to think of the name of this show.

“That was one of the first, like, shows that I remember watching.”

The show ended in 1995.  I know that it was on Nick at Night some years later but she seems to be suggesting that she watched the show during its initial run.  So when she was 7 or 8.  And this would have been the final season.  

Anyway, she’s a big Bob Saget fan and her parents felt the need…fuck, I just can’t get over that.  Even if Erin was a big Bob Saget fan, which she isn’t, why would her parents text her with bad news while she’s on vacation?  Can’t this fucking wait?  It’s not like a family member died.  It’s fucking Bob Saget.  She wasn’t even old enough to watch the show, you dumb fucks.  What are you doing?  

Maybe they’re constantly bombarding her with stupid texts because they’re worried about the horrible decisions that she’s made in life.  “Did you hear that the last surviving Munchkin died?”  “Mom, please, I’m getting fucked in the ass right now.  Can this wait?”

Erin says that she got woozy at Animal Kingdom (or something) because she was walking too much and in the sun.  She’s not used to being in the sun so long.  You know…being from Los Angeles and all.  What the fuck has she been doing with her life?

“Sometimes it’s hard to explain what Mike and I like about Disney World so much.”

Oh sure.  That’s one of the great mysteries of life.  I often lie awake wondering, “What do Mike and Erin like about Disney World so much?”

“I like the hotels and some of the architecture from the 70s.”

Oh this is brutal.  She’s going to give a fucking list.

“There’s like retro-futurism in Epcot.”

“And like the contemporary resort.  Just the shape of that building and everything.”

Oh god.

“It’s just so cool.  It’s like another world.”

I can’t understand why they don’t just go to a foreign country.  This is her third fucking time at Disney World.  Take an actual adult trip.  Go somewhere that has substance.  Learn about other cultures.  See how other people live.  

No.  Let’s get woozy at Disney World for the third time and eat plain, unbuttered, unsalted popcorn while my mother texts me a list of celebrities who died recently.  It’s fucking pathetic.  

“Yeah, Disney is fun, whatever.  You meet characters and the rides.  But it’s just, it’s insane that something like that exists.”

Disney World.  She’s amazed that Disney World exists.  This is fucking idiotic.  Like it’s one of the Seven Wonders of the World.  Disney World.  “I can’t believe that man could create something like this.”

It’s a children’s amusement park.  Get over it.

“Part of the fun for me was exploring the hotel, exploring the monorail, stuff like that.”

You know where else they have hotels and public transportation?  Just about every city on earth.  Go check them out.  You might find one that you like.

No, I’ll go to Disney World for the third time.

Then a horntard mentions her “sexy” picture of her on the bench.  This slightly annoys Erin.

“I don’t know how to fucking pose for pictures.  Like if it’s a full body picture.  So I was like, what do I do on a bench?”

What do you mean, Erin?  I think that you figured it out.  Hike your shorts up into your ass and have your legs on full display.  Joe from Game Sack loved it.  Shishi concured.

Wolfmaster replies, “it was a great pic though”.

It’s so fucking pathetic.  Here’s the picture, by the way.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1480668403144798225

“Mike and I want to do a stream where we just talk about Disney.”

We can all look forward to that.

“There will be photos and probably a lot of people won’t be interested.”

Actually, Mike has already done a stream where he talked about his latest trip to Disney World.  He showed about three pictures.  They were all terrible.  

Herregex says, “You are photogenic. No need to worry”

Go jerk off, you retard.

“I can talk for hours about how they’ve fucked things up.”

Disney World is so poorly managed that Erin has only gone there three times, including the only vacation that she ever had in her adult life.  Every trip she ever takes is to a Disney property.  

Some other horntard says, “You did fine with your pose”.

“I have more photos to post, it’s just I’m trying not be on my phone a lot, you know, because of hand issues.”

This is a new low.  Her fake carpal tunnel syndrome is so bad that she can’t even take 30 seconds out of her day to transfer the pictures from her phone to her PC.  Or fuck it, can’t you upload from your phone directly to Twitter?  

Erin can’t do it.  You know…because of hand issues.  She has carpal tunnel syndrome, guys.  Even though numerous doctors have already told her that she DOESN’T have carpal tunnel syndrome or indeed ANYTHING wrong with her hands and/or wrists.

But she can’t upload photos.  She’s in such crippling pain that she can’t take 30 seconds out of her day to post these photos for the horntards.

Some horntard says, “I thought the photo with you on the power pad looked pretty cool.”

Another horntard says, “Can we talk Disney and play?”

Indeed.  This is boring.

“I was like, should I switch it up from Castlevania?  And then I thought, ‘No, fuck it.  I’ll play what I want.'”

Yeah, who cares what the horntards want to see.  Let’s just play the same fucking game over and over and over again.

If she wants to play Castlevania, play Castlevania.  In your spare time.  Like a normal person.  Everything doesn’t have to be on stream, for money.

Now we’re back to the Youtube video.  All of that was cut out.  Why?  That’s the only thing that I was remotely interested in.  I don’t want to watch her play a fucking Castlevania game yet again, poorly, for the first and last time ever.

0:15 – “I’ve never played this before.”

Some things never change.  Go fuck yourself.  Fifteen seconds into the video.  That’s good enough for me.

You know what I need?  A ghost writer to actually watch these horrendous streams and then write a review on my behalf.  I should hire Newt.  I’ll pay ten bucks an article or twenty if you don’t plagiarise anything.