https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzEUJo8Ha1Q
I stopped watching these videos that have Newt or Crystal in them. But I still read the comments. Tony doesn’t seem to delete anything, which is good. Or maybe there are just so many critical comments that he can’t keep up.
Anyway, it seems that a lot of people find Crystal annoying, at least in this episode. And I found a particularly interesting comment:
“Stop with crystal. I get it Tony. You’re trying to get thirsty boys to click using below average woman. It will not hide your lack of talent.”
That was from StonedMexicanGuy. We’re 100% on the same wavelength here.
So Crystal replies, “I had no idea women were only allowed on YouTube for their looks and to be judge on their appearance. Silly me! I thought I was on to talk about a childhood movie with my friends.”
Is that what she does? Is that what she’s here for? To talk about the movie? Because in my experience, all that Crystal ever talks about is how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her. Maybe she’s changed. So let’s give it a second chance. I’ll do an all Crystal Quin review. I’ll quote all of the meaningful contributions that Crystal gives.
It starts with Crystal’s not being able to understand why Tony from Hack the Movies saw Hook before he saw the animated Disney Peter Pan. He was 1 year old when Hook came out. She can’t seem to fathom why he would have seen Hook before Peter Pan. Like it’s his fault. Or his parents are somehow negligent. She doesn’t drop it. She’s really, really annoying.
This isn’t hard to understand. Hook was a new movie. So his parents bought a new movie. That’s normal, right? People enjoy buying newly released movies. What’s the problem?
At least she’s not talking about how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her. Maybe she’ll surprise me.
4:00 – Newt says that he was sitting “Native American style” as a kid and Tony says, “You could have just said cross-legged”, and Crystal says, “Criss cross apple sauce”.
This is a generational thing. It was called “Indian style” when Newt was a kid. And then “cross-legged” when Tony was a kid. And I refuse to believe that Crystal is any younger than Tony but she did know the term “criss cross apple sauce” so maybe she is. Or maybe “criss cross apple sauce” was used, whenever, in “the 90s”.
“Indian style” is an homage to the American Indians. They sat like this. I’m sure that they tend to use chairs nowadays but I’m talking about in the past. It’s not an insult.
“Cross legged” is fine. But “criss cross apple sauce” is fucking retarded and there is no way that I would have gone for that shit even as a kid. I didn’t even like “Indian style.” It seemed childish to me. I knew that adults weren’t sitting like this. I knew that I was being patronised to. But “criss cross apple sauce” is a whole other level of patronising. Okay, I’m seven years old but talk to me like I have a fucking brain.
6:00 – So…here’s a switch. Crystal was talking about the movie and Tony suddenly interrupted and started talking about how hot he is and how everybody wants to have sex with him. Just suddenly he’s talking about how he almost had sex while Hook was on tv. Like anybody wants this information. And it goes on and on.
8:00 – Crystal says “drawling” instead of “drawing”. She has the same difficulty with “saw/sawl”.
I can’t take Crystal’s annoying faces. I’m going to have to switch windows and just listen to this. I’ll play a Flash game. It’s slim pickings since Flash went away but whatever. And I don’t need to pay full attention to this trash anyway.
40:00 – Newt says “drownding” instead of “drowning”.
Not a single mention of Crystal being hot and everybody wanting to have sex with her, by the way. Maybe she finally got the message. And without actually seeing Crystal, she’s not THAT annoying. She’s annoying but not, “I can’t watch this shit any more” levels of annoying.
I’m at 56 minutes. I have to take a break. I’ve got stuff to do. These things are too fucking long. I’ll come back to this.
Eugh. I should have continued sending emails for work.
59:15 – They’re talking about “bangarang”. Apparently this movie features the word “bangarang”. Tony says that it’s some Jamaican slang that was only inserted into the movie to be a catchphrase, which seems right. Crystal disagrees, saying, “Bangarang! People know this word. People know it. I know so many people who will say ‘bangarang'”
Oh, do tell. I’ve never heard this shit. I’ve known many people from Jamaica. You see them with their fucking Rastafarian hats on and smelling of hemp. This was in London. NOT ONCE did I hear anyone say “bangarang”.
Are we to believe that Crystal is hanging around with Jamaicans? In fucking rural Pennsylvania? There’s a big “rude boy” population in rural Pennsylvania?
This brings me on to another topic. We have time because it seems like Crystal has learned her lesson and won’t just talk about how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her. At least for this episode.
Kieran recently said something, I assume in a recent dreadful Cinemassacre Podcast, about how he’s a “white boy”. Yes, it’s coming back to me. It was during an anecdote about how he sold software to learn foreign languages and referred to himself as a “white boy speaking Spanish” or something. And he also said “white boy” in reference to himself in another recent podcast but I can’t remember the context.
He lives in rural Pennsylvania. Everybody is white. But he says “white boy” to try to suggest that he’s from an area that isn’t predominantly white. By extension, he’s trying to portray himself as being from “the hood” (i.e. an impoverished, crime-ridden, predominantly black and/or Hispanic area).
This is high school stuff. Kids in high school will boast or (as in this case) lie about where they’re from in order to impress the other kids.
And the idea that people WOULD be impressed by you living in a ghetto is, again, adolescent stuff. What adult is boasting about living in a dump? “Yo, yo yo. A black man tried to carjack me today. Aren’t I a cool white boy?” No. You’re a loser who can’t get out of the ghetto. Go get a job that pays better.
And it’s all the more pathetic because it’s a lie. Chalfont, Pennsylvania demographics:
90% white
7.5% Asian
Mixed race: 1%
Black: 1%
Hispanic: 0%
Median income: $63,491
Does that at all resemble a ghetto? When Asian people are the most prominent minority, it’s safe to say that it’s not a ghetto.
But Kieran is cruising down the streets of Chalfont in his low-rider Hyundai, “Yo, yo, yo! I’m representing! Bitches come holla at yo white boy KeeKee. Word up!”
1:41:00 – Newt makes a “no time” joke. “We’re very busy. We have no time.”
It’s just open disrespect. James Rolfe is mentally challenged. Mike used to try to hide this fact and he did a good job of it. Screenwave openly mocks James Rolfe. Screenwave goes out of their way to expose James Rolfe as being mentally challenged.
I understand Screenwave being angry because they get blamed for the shitty nature of the Cinemassacre channel. And they are partly to blame, of course. They’re the ones writing the terrible scripts.
But Jimmy does absolutely jack shit.
It’s really up to Screenwave to take charge and tell Jimmy, “This is what we’re going to do. Rex Viper is out, skits are out, half-way decent AVGNs are in”. I mean, the guy is mentally challenged. Don’t leave it to mentally challenged Jimmy Rolfe to decide what to do. Jimmy’s ideas are all terrible.
You’re running a business. You have a mentally challenged man who comes to you and says, “I want to do a series of stupid things. Here are my retarded ideas. Here’s my money. What can you do for me?”
If you’re a reputable business, you would decline that client. I’m not going to compromise my good name and reputation by attaching it to a fucking retard and his idiotic ideas. I don’t care how much money you’re giving me. It’s not worth it.
Anyway, Crystal Quin. Let’s look at her original quote again.
I had no idea women were only allowed on YouTube for their looks and to be judge on their appearance. Silly me! I thought I was on to talk about a childhood movie with my friends.
Well, if all of her episodes were like this one, I would agree. But, of course, they’re not. Indeed, this is the ONLY episode I’ve seen where Crystal doesn’t talk about how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her. She’s gone ENTIRE EPISODES where the only thing she talks about is how hot she is and how everybody wants to have sex with her. As here:
https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/06/crystal-quin-is-unwatchable.html
But maybe she’s turned a corner. Maybe she’s decided, “You know what? That Gamer Grrls guy has a point. I have been talking about my appearance too much. I should start talking about the movie instead.” In which case, she has my full support.
Obviously, Tony is only putting her in these things to appeal to the horntards but that’s on Tony. Her job is just to talk about the fucking movie. As she’s done here. So that’s great.