Godzilla Destruction and Listener Voicemails – Castzilla VS The Pod Monster – Tony from Hack the Movies


1:00 – Shout out to Tab aka Mad Cuts for his recent appearance on The Dick Show wherein he shouted out Tony from Hack the Movies.

What is any of this?  Why are we supposed to know this?  Is he talking about this?


This guy has 34,000 subscribers and his videos get about 3,000 views on average.  Which video is he even talking about?  Because I’m not trawling through this shit just to look for some guy I’ve never heard of talking about Tony from Hack the Movies.

2:00 – Wait a minute.  Are they really going to review a mobile game?  

Johanna: I hate it.  There’s no effort put into it at all.

Tony: It’s fucking terrible.

Okay.  Guys.  So talk about something else.  

They’re talking about a fucking mobile game that nobody has ever heard of before and it’s not good.  Come on.  How can they run out of “content”?  

Here’s what I would have suggested talking about if I were to do an episode: War God (1976).  


It’s a Taiwanese movie about a statue that grows to giant size and comes to life.  You can watch the movie on archive dot org.

I would have talked about how this is based on an actual Taoist god.  I would have given a brief overview of Taoism.  I would have noted the importance of Taoism in Chinese culture.  I would have noted that this film was released shortly after the death of Mao Zedong and the end of the Cultural Revolution so people were more free to discuss religion and whatnot.  Plus, with it being Taiwan, the people weren’t supportive of communist China anyway.  I would have compared War God to the thematically similar The Great Buddha Arrival (1934), which is a lost film, and the 2018 remake.

It would have been the most educational episode of Castszilla versus the Podmonster ever recorded.  It would have been a masterclass of 1970s Chinese political theory, religion, and Sino-Taiwanese relations disguised as a movie review.  

So it’s not like there’s not stuff to talk about.  That was just one idea.  There’s loads of stuff that you can discuss.  A shitty mobile game?  That’s the best that you can come up with?

Let’s just get through this shit.  At least it’s only 17 minutes.  

3:00 – He teases playing the other two games in this “series” or whatever it is.  And presumably doing a podcast on it.

Neither one of these people even played the game for very long.  I’m guessing that they played it for maybe 15 minutes.  If that.

4:30 – So that’s it.  Podcast is over.  They didn’t like the game.  Then Tony went to Google Image search to look for images of the game.  

Now they’re going to go to voicemails.  This is going to be death.

5:00 – So the first guy got nervous and lost his train of thought.  This is going great.

6:15 – This next guy is described by Tony as a “super fan”.  

He wanted to know…what animals Tony and Johanna would be.  What?  Is this grade school?

7:00 – Then some other weird nerd says some weird shit.

7:15 – Then they ran out of calls so Johanna does a call.

7:45 – Some other nerd is calling in as Leonard Maltin.

8:30 – Another nerd asking why Johanna likes Mothra.  Answer: she’s cute.  I’m not even joking.

9:45 – This next guy actually might be a badass.  He’s from Alaska.  Has some bass in his voice.  

Oh.  No.  He was a giant nerd too.  I couldn’t even understand what he was saying.

10:00 – Some nerd who calls Tony “T-dawg”.  He just advertises his Youtube channel.

Then Tony says, “Is he just calling to promote his Youtube channel?”

Didn’t he screen these?

This was another call that was for Talking About Tapes…

He goes on and on about some unfunny shit that I don’t even understand.

So that was…that.  They’re really phoning it in.  No pun intended.  

And he actually puts these voicemails as “bonus content” on his Patreon.  Who the fuck would want to listen to these?  I don’t want to listen to this for FREE let alone paying for them.

Tony was here trying to get me to call into this shit.  If I did that, which I wouldn’t, and he put it on Patreon, I would be really pissed off.  

Not that it would even happen anyway.  If I was to appear on the show in any capacity, I’d demand to get paid.  I mean, he’s paying these co-hosts isn’t he?  And the guest hosts?  

If these people aren’t getting paid, they’re being taken advantage of.  Tony is getting $2,500/month from garbage “content” on Patreon.  And then like $1000/month from Youtube.  And then whatever “merch” money he gets.  Plus his job at Screenwave.  

He’s making money from this.  It’s not a fortune but he’s getting something.  So I’d expect something.  My time is worth money.  I’m not going to do it for the “fame” of being on Castszilla vs The Podmonster.  It has to be worth doing.  

Let’s see what the Screen Actors Guild rates are.  


$125/day.  That’s the rate for internet stuff with a budget between $50,000 and $250,000.  No fucking way would I do it for $125.  You can make that at Burger King.  

Anyway, you can use my idea about War God.  Maybe it will help to get some remotely interesting “content”.

5 thoughts on “Godzilla Destruction and Listener Voicemails – Castzilla VS The Pod Monster – Tony from Hack the Movies

  1. Hey idiot. The audio versions of the voicemail segment are free at the end of each episode on the podcast feed. Patreon gets the video version without having to so through the episode. Also how much do you want to be in an episode?

  2. Yet another video series you publicly said on here you were going to stop reacting to.And yet here we are lol. So predictable.

  3. I NEVER said that I would stop covering Castszilla vs The Podmonster. Show me where I said that. I said that I would never cover anything that has NEWT or CRYSTAL in it. I said this in the “Crystal Quin is UNWATCHABLE” article. That's it. That's the only thing I ever said. I would NEVER say that I'm not going to cover Castszilla vs The Podmonster. Castszilla vs The Podmonster is too precious to even say something like that as a joke.

  4. Except yeah, you did. You raged out hard about how “stupid” the videos were and claimed you would stop even bothering to watch and review them. Especially since Tony keeps asking you to come on the show and just as predictably you never do it since you're a coward. There is no other reason at this level of analysis of his videos you wouldn't. You're definitely just a coward. You're in fact so much of a coward you couldn't even respond to Tony up above and acted like nobody would notice or say anything. Real subtle ah hurr durr!So if its not Crystal, its Johanna. If its not Johanna, its Erin. It really makes no seeming difference with you. All these women are the reason you even have this pathetic blog and they're the source of your incel rage. You make it not subtle at all lol.Now that you have reitetated you will never review anything with Newt or Crystal in it (believe me, I'm well aware you also said that), I will also be watching for you to go back on that claim next. It's in your nature to be dishonest. It's how you roll.

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