Movie Review – Led Zeppelin's "The Song Remains the Same" – Cinemassacre

Hey guys!  Remember Led Zeppelin?

Umm…not really.  Not from my childhood, anyway.  

I’m a couple of years older than Jimmy and Led Zeppelin is before my time.  So it’s even more before his time.

I mean…they’re from the 70s for fuck’s sake.  Jimmy wasn’t even alive in the 70s.  

Maybe they were still popular in the 80s.  In fact, I’m sure that they were.  But among children?  No.  

I didn’t start hearing anyone talk about music until about the sixth grade.  And at that time, the girls were listening to New Kids on the Block and the guys…I don’t even know.  MC Hammer?  Boys II Men?  I didn’t know any black kids but this is what was popular at the time even with white kids.

I knew one kid who was interested in heavy metal.  He was essentially feral and he’s long dead.  

Other than that unfortunate kid, nobody was listening to heavy metal.  And he only listened to it because of the influence of the older kids who he was hanging out with.

High school is when people typically start getting into music.  By the time I was in high school, it was “the 90s”.  Heavy metal was out.  Nobody was listening to that shit.  Not even this guy who I mentioned in the previous paragraph.  It was all about grunge and the alternative rock scene and flannel shirts.  

Personally, I still didn’t listen to any music.  It wasn’t until the early 2000s, when I got the internet, that I started downloading shit on Napster.  I listened to music in the car, of course, so I’d download songs that I heard on the radio and shit like this.  Nirvana and whatnot.  And I downloaded a bunch of punk shit from the 70s and 80s.  Shit like this.  But I was already an adult by this point.

So my point is that I went my whole life without listening to heavy metal and I don’t know ANYONE, except that deeply troubled kid, who listened to heavy metal AT ANY POINT.  And I’m two years older than Jimmy.  So this issue should be even more acute for him.

Of course I know Led Zeppelin now.  I’ve listened to their stuff on Youtube.  But it’s not something that I grew up with.  Virtually nobody of my age did.  

Except, it would seem, Jimmy Rolfe.  Jimmy Rolfe is all about Led Zeppelin.  Even though the band broke up before he was born.  Jimmy was about 12 years old in 1992.  That’s about the earliest age that people get interested in music.  Heavy metal was out.  

Let’s just watch the fucking video.  But it is perplexing.

Twenty-six minutes?  Come on.  Have respect for the audience.  

0:15 – “But before we get into it, a word from this video’s sponsor.”

Yeah.  He doesn’t give a fuck about the viewer.  

Maybe the sponsor will be Keeps.  Fucking what’s his name…Joe from Gamesack is doing ads for Keeps now.  It’s some fucking hair growth cream or something.  And Joe is balding.  

It’s just disgusting.  Preying on the insecurities of your audience.  And he knows that the people watching his videos are men between the ages of about 30 and 40.  This is the target demographic for people who are concerned about hair loss.  And Joe from Gamesack is there making his audience feel inadequate.  “Hey, buy this magic hair tonic.  You’ll become impotent but at least you’ll have more hair.  Maybe.”  Fuck off.

Oh.  No, Jimmy is doing some weird scam loan company ad.  I don’t know what’s worse.  The scam loan company, I guess.  With the hair product, all you’ll lose is a bit of money and the full use of your penis.  But with this loan company, you could lose fucking everything you own.  According to Reddit, this company has extremely high interest rates.  What a scumbag Jimmy is for advertising this.

1:00 – Doh (sic) anyway, Led Zeppelin is no doubt one of the great trailblazers of rock music along with Jimmy Hendrix, The Who, Sabbath, and Deep Purple.

All bands that ceased to exist before Jimmy was born.

“They were mainly active from the late 60s into the 70s.  Practically isolated to that era.”

Yeah.  And you were born in 1980.  What the fuck.

I mean, I appreciate music that was released before I was born.  I listen to stuff from the 70s.  But I wouldn’t call myself an expert.  And it holds absolutely no *nostalgia* for me because I wasn’t listening to this as a kid.  Or as a teenager.  

2:15 – “Picture me in ‘the 90s’ as a teenager.”

I’m with you so far.  Maybe he’s going to explain all of this.

“I’m just starting to get into music.”

Right…the year is 1993.  Heavy metal is no longer in vogue.  Go on…

“I’m listening to all of the Led Zeppelin studio recordings.”

Wait…what?  How did we get there?  

Young people want to listen to contemporary music.  There are exceptions, of course, but the overwhelming majority are interested in music that is being released today.  From young bands.  Why was Jimmy listening to recordings from 20 years in the past?  

This is annoying already.  They put a lot of obnoxious stock photos up to try to illustrate what Jimmy is talking about.  For example, he’s talking about renting a video and they put a stock photo of a video store on screen.  Like I’m a fucking moron who needs constant visual stimulation.  Jimmy’s mesmerising hairline is enough stimulation for me.

3:15 – “So I buy it, with actual money, I might remind you.”

What?  Is cash retro?  What the fuck is he talking about?  People still pay with cash, right?  

4:00 – Terrible acting.  I won’t even dignify this with any further comment.

I’m at eight minutes.  You know what he’s doing?  Summarising the plot.  That’s it.  He’s going through the movie saying, “this happens, then this happens, then this happens.”

We can all go to Wikipedia and read the plot outline for ourselves.  This is fucking pointless.

Tony from Hack the Movies does the same thing.  I was watching some piece of shit with Kieran today and I had to turn it off after about 15 minutes.  

I don’t know exactly what a movie review is supposed to sound like but it’s not this.  Watch some Siskel & Ebert from when they were doing it on PBS.  When they moved to commercial television, their reviews got ridiculously short but on PBS, they were free to give the reviews the attention that they deserved.  They’d review the movie for about 15 minutes and that includes a good five minutes of movie footage.  They didn’t just sit there and go over every plot point for two hours like Tony does.  

Give the basic plot, talk about the quality of the acting, talk about the quality of the writing, talk about anything else that stands out, and then give a thumbs up or thumbs down.  You’re done.  Move on.  

8:45 – “You see lots of bands suffer from burnout and that has a lot of potential for a documentary to show what they have to go through behind the scenes but the way it comes off here is that they don’t want to be here.  They don’t want to play music, which is what we came to see and that’s probably not the best message to give.”

The irony.

This is just going to go on like this.  He’s just going to continue to go over the plot.  I don’t want to watch this.  I’m at 11 minutes, by the way.

Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.  

Fucking memes.  What a pile of shit that sub is.  They didn’t even fucking watch it.  They immediately just responded with memes.  Fucking morons.

One guy mentions the ironic quote that I referred to.

Yeah, I’m done.  Fuck this.  Find something else to do with your life, Jimmy.  Maybe Wawa is hiring.

2 thoughts on “Movie Review – Led Zeppelin's "The Song Remains the Same" – Cinemassacre

  1. Lol how is it that you've apparently watched so many things James has made by now, and yet you still get confused how he would like music before “his time” when his favorite movies are very well known to be old black and white shit from the early 1900s?He only mentions they're always his favorites in every other video the past 15 years on his channel.So, why would his music tastes being from an age before his birth be a surprise? This is how he's always been. You really seemed to get hung up on that one thing.The video has better things to laugh over dude lol.

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