My Horror Movie Premise – Cinemassacre

Jesus Christ.  Is his horror idea The Wolfman?  Those are some hairy arms.  

So he had no time to make a movie so he’s just going to tell us his idea for the movie.  This seems pointless but let’s hear him out.

3:15 – It’s something about a fucking amusement park and he makes a reference to Six Flags Great Adventure.  That’s the name of a specific park, isn’t it?  A specific park in the Six Flags…brand.  Let me look this up.

Yeah.  That’s the park in New Jersey.  Why would he expect people to know this?  There are loads of parks under the Six Flags umbrella.

10:00 – He talks about fucking coronavirus.  This is Jimmy’s true horror.  

This is fucking boring.  I’m 13 minutes in.  It’s about a haunted abandoned amusement park.  Where did he get this idea from?  Every third episode of Scooby Doo, Where Are You?  I mean, what the fuck?  This is hardly original.

And how the fuck would he film this?  Is he going to build an abandoned amusement park?  He’s talking about dilapidated roller coasters and shit.  Is it all going to be bad CGI?  Is he going to get filming permission to film in an abandoned amusement park?

19:00 – “There are lots of horror films that take place in abandoned amusement parks.”

Yeah.  So why didn’t you come up with something more original?

20:15 – He suggests that this brilliant idea of his could be turned into a book instead of a movie.

So that’s the video.  

But it reminds me of a time when I was looking up former classmates on Facebook.  And one woman had written two books.  And she had the Amazon links.  So I checked them out.

Fucking haunted houses.  She wrote two fucking books about haunted houses.  As an adult.  And these books were, apparently, aimed at adults.  

They were just self-published, of course.  Amazon has some print on demand service, I think.  Or maybe they were “e-books”.  But holy shit.  Haunted houses.  Is this really the best that you can come up with?  I think that this idea has been done before.

I mean, whatever.  She wasn’t a bright woman.  She wrote a couple of books for her own enjoyment.  Keeps her busy.  Good for her.

What makes James think that he can even write a book?  Or for that matter a movie?  I’m still working my way through the AVGN Movie, after more than a year, but what I saw was absolutely abysmal.  And it’s the same as everything that he does.  He just throws every stupid idea he can think of into the movie, with liberal doses of time-travel.  It’s all just an incoherent mess.

Let’s see what the boys on Reddit have to say.

Oh yeah.  Somebody says that the film idea is similar to the Goonies.  That’s true.  I hate the Goonies so fucking much.  I didn’t see it as a kid so it holds no *nostalgia* value for me.  I think that this is the key.  With no *nostalgia* value, the film is just a vulgar, stupid, piece of shit.  

Somebody else compares this movie idea to It.  I never saw it but yeah, I think that that’s accurate too.  Yeah, childhood friends coming together during adulthood to combat evil.  It’s been done.

And I still don’t understand how he would possibly film this.  Okay, maybe he can find an abandoned amusement park to film in.  Use the dilapidated roller coaster as background for some establishing shots.  But the main part of the film takes place in some kind of haunted It’s A Small World ride with animatronic characters and shit.  Where would he find such a thing?  This would cost a fucking fortune to make.  It can’t just be all CGI.  That would look like shit even if a competent team of professionals was doing it.  How much worse would it look with fucking Jimmy Rolfe and the Screenwave Gang doing it?

Just make a fucking movie of people talking.  That’s all that you have the budget for.  Something like My Dinner with Andre.  Or Slacker.  Or Clerks.  

What about fucking Glengarry Glen Ross?  Mike has referenced this movie many times in his streams so I assume that he’s mentioned this at “work” before and that everybody at Screenwave is familiar with it.  

Just rip Glengarry Glen Ross off.  You have the fucking actors.  You have the set.  It takes place in an office.  All guys.  

Make a movie loosely based on what it’s like to work at Screenwave.  Instead of talking about “leads” in the real estate sense, you can talk about “leads” in the “Youtuber” sense.  “We need to get these Youtubers to sign up with us”.   Or whatever.  I mean, it doesn’t have to be a straight rip off of Glengarry Glen Ross.  But do some sort of movie about working in a fucking office.  You have the office.  No need to build sets or anything.  You don’t have to go to Hollywood to shoot the film.  And you don’t have to do any casting call.  Fucking Tony and Kieran and Justin and whoever else works there and wants to do this.  There are your actors.  

And no fucking stupid horror or time travel or giant monsters or any of this shit.  Just a movie about working at Screenwave or some kind of office.  Drama.  Maybe some comedic elements if somebody there can actually write comedy but I’ve seen no evidence of that thus far.  

You can also rip off The Office.  Light comedy.  Maybe there’s a scene where Justin clogs the toilet and he has to escape the bathroom without getting caught.  And there’s an investigation into who clogged the toilet.  And Justin is getting nervous.  They’re saying that the size of this dump suggests that only a 300+ pound man could have done this.  And there’s in-fighting.  People are blaming each other.  And in the end, I don’t know, it’s never discovered who the culprit was but Ryan sends a company-wide email out stating that the plumbing bill was $300 and to please institute part-way flushes if you have unusually large bowel movements.

There’s thirty minutes right there.  Just off the top of my head.  And it involves poo.  James likes poo.  

But no.  Haunted fucking amusement park.  

3 thoughts on “My Horror Movie Premise – Cinemassacre

  1. that's the ticket. scale it all down and make a movie with what you have. make Justin the breakout character. one minute he's seen walking furtively in a dark room, in the wee hours of the morning. throw in an atmosphere to make him look like a spy or a secret agent, infiltrating a high security compartment, cat burglar style. and then it turns out that he's about to raid the fridge. in the morning people are going over this and find out that the pantry is also short of provisions. this may be a major plot point or just a way to introduce the character. the possibilities are endless.

  2. Yeah there's loads of stuff that you can do to make a movie but Jimmy and Screenwave prefer to take shortcuts. They replace good writing with horrible special effects and repetitive poop half-jokes. Take the time to actually write a good script.

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