Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PmP9p83djk

I’m really sick of these stupid clickbait titles that he’s been giving the videos of late.  But whatever.

Good news: It’s “only” an hour.

Bad news: It’s YET ANOTHER stupid horror film from “the 2000s”.

So bad that it’s possibly good news: It features Crystal and Johanna.

0:00 – It starts with a “teaser” of the upcoming show with Crystal saying, “And slice her on her boobs”.  

Oh great.  I mean…it’s really disheartening.  I don’t want to watch this AT ALL now.  I don’t want to write about it.  I don’t want to see this fucking obnoxious, weird, soulless woman who makes sexual references CONSTANTLY.  And they’re never interesting.  She completely brainless, that’s why she makes these comments.  It’s all that she can fall back on.  That and colours.  

Crystal and Erin should do a podcast about colours.  Talk about your favourite hues.  Chromaticity *nostalgia*.

So then Crystal says that she saw a comment that said that the faces she makes are distracting.  It’s true.  I guess.  I mean, I’d say “annoying” more than “distracting” because in order to be distracted, one has to be engaged in the material already.  But yeah.  She’s annoying.

4:15 – Ugh.  I don’t even want to get into.  Really obnoxious fake clucking from the ladies.

By the way, Johanna got engaged.  Good for her.  She announced it recently.  She got engaged in…Disney World.  

I get it.  You’re living in rural Pennsylvania, there are only a few employers in the area, you’re making twelve bucks an hour, and you have the usual lowbrow American interests.  Disney.  Video games.  Horror films.  

That’s fine.  But can’t you class it up even in the slightest when you’re proposing marriage to somebody?  I’m not saying go to Paris and propose under the Arc de Triomphe.  But can you do this in a slightly more adult manner?  

Start with taking an adult vacation.  “I know you had your heart set on Disney, but we’re adults so I thought that we could go to…wherever”.  Pick something.  It can be in the US.  There’s fucking loads to do and see.  

They could have went to Niagra Falls.  It’s right nearby.  Romantic.  Kind of.  

I wouldn’t advise the Poconos but that’s even closer.  And it’s still better than Disney World.

You don’t even have to be anywhere special.  Just go to a nice local restaurant.  Take a romantic walk in the countryside.  Propose there.   ANYTHING other than Disney World.  

No.  They just want to revel in this lowbrow bullshit.  

14:45 – Speaking of lowbrow, Tony starts talking about all the wicked cool deaths in this movie.  

20:00 – Dumb sexual comments by Crystal.  I don’t even have the energy to type them out.

Okay.  I’m 25 minutes in.  Nearly the halfway point.  But this is boring.  So I’m going to take a nap and let my subconscious enjoy the rest of this shit.  I’ll come back to this when I wake up.

I’m back now.  The video has ended.  The last thing I remember is Crystal saying something but I couldn’t understand what she was saying because my breathing was too loud.  So yeah, I must have passed out shortly thereafter.  I was already snoring.  I probably made it to about the 30 minute mark before losing my fight with consciousness.

I know that people say this kind of thing as a joke but genuinely, I think that these Talking About Tapes are good for falling asleep.  I’ve fallen asleep to probably…I’d say at least 75% of them that I listen to.  

So maybe a good cure for insomnia.  He has a playlist, doesn’t he?  Yeah.  He has a playlist for Hack the Movies and a different playlist for Talking About Tapes.  I’m not sure what the difference is.  There’s some overlap between these lists but the Talking About Tapes list is longer.  

So just set that shit to autoplay and let Mr Sandman do his thing.  There’s hours of this shit so don’t worry if you don’t fall asleep right away.  

It’s a genuine good public resource.  I remember as a young man having insomnia and it’s terrible.  You’re just lying there trying to think about how comfortable you are.  Then you look at the clock.  “Oh, if I can fall asleep in the next five minutes, I’ll still have four hours of sleep.  That’s pretty good.”  Then an hour later, you’re still awake and the process keeps repeating.

If I had Talking About Tapes back then, my problems would have been solved.  

Same with Castszilla vs the Podmonster.  He had an “emergency” episode where he literally just read from a children’s book.  It was only ten minutes long but I still fell asleep.

Then he had one recently that had Kieran in it and I drifted off to Slumberland during that one too.

It’s good.  Get a little power nap.  Half an hour, 45 minutes.  Then you’re ready to spring into action again.  

So as entertainment, I give these videos a…3/10.  If they’re doing a movie that I’ve seen or am at least familiar with, it can be okay in small doses.  But if it’s some stupid fucking horror movie, especially from the 1990s or 2000s, it’s total dogshit.  0/10.  I don’t want to watch this ignoramus bullshit.  

But as a sleep aid, I have to give it to Tony.  He’s really accomplished something here.  There’s just something about it.  The droning, the fact that nobody is ever going to say anything interesting, and he keeps it moving.  There are no pauses in the discussion.  Also, the sound levels are consistent.  That’s important when falling asleep.  You don’t want to be startled by loud noises.  So 10/10 as a sleep aid.