Erin's Love for Pornographic Carl's Jr Commercials

Hey guys!  Remember when Erin asked Mike if he saw, “those Carl’s Jr commercials where it would be like Paris Hilton riding a mechanical bull and eating a burger?”  And Mike said, “No” because those were regional commercials for a regional fast food chain, found mostly on “The West Coast”?  

I talk about it here:

Well, it turns out that Erin got it wrong.  She’s conflating two different commercials.  One, where Paris Hilton is washing a car in a “sexy” manner, as here:

And a different Carl’s Jr commercial, from the same marketing campaign, where it’s just some unknown model riding a mechanical bull, as here:

They’re from 2005.  

It’s as lowbrow as it gets.  Combining sex and hamburgers.  

But yeah, Erin is obviously *nostalgic* for Carl’s Jr and/or Paris Hilton.  

Why doesn’t she focus on the local cuisine?  I understand that there are shops in Pennsylvania that sell those big chewy pretzels.  You can buy them by the dozen like you would in a doughnut shop.  Is that right?  Let me look this up.

Yeah, like this place:

That’s a chain and there also seem to be loads of mom and pop pretzel places.

I worked in a place in New England that had one of those shitty machines like you’d see in carnivals that have a rotating display of pretzels being kept warm and I’d always eat those.  They were free in the lunch room.  

And I used to buy them from Lidl, which I think is a German-owned grocery store, when I lived in London.  Those were shit.  Everything at Lidl is shit.  It’s food for the absolute destitute.

But I’m always on the lookout for these big pretzels.  The two examples above are the only times I’ve ever seen them.  If I was living in a place that sells these things, like rural Pennsylvania, I’d be there every fucking day.  Why isn’t Erin talking about this?  

Erin doesn’t seem to be taking advantage of her new environment.  Okay, we get it, you’re a big, sophisticated woman from Los Angeles.  But nobody in rural Pennsylvania wants to hear that shit.  They’re more down to earth over there.  And they’re not impressed with your stories about fancy Carl’s Jr commercials.

Hey, Top Five Things to Do in Chalfont, Pennsylvania according to Trip Advisor.  

Tabora Farm and Orchard.  Oh sure.  Has a farmer’s market.  Erin likes cute fruit and vegetables.  They sell baked goods as well.  Sandwiches.  It would be a nice little day out.  Maybe you can walk around the farm a bit.  Maybe there’s a little picnic area.  Maybe you can even see some animals.

Peace Valley Winery.  They do wine tastings.  That would be great.  There’s also a friendly dog on site, apparently.  You can pet the dog.  Obviously, you can buy wine as well.  Somebody complains about “tipped over wagons” on the property.  That’s just part of the rustic charm.

Byer’s Choice Christmas Gallery.  Ooh, they sell handmade dolls.  Erin would like that.  She recently posted a video on TikTok showing off her Sailor Moon dolls.  But these are like creepy olde tyme Christmas dolls.  They make Christmas decorations and whatnot.  It’s also a museum or gallery of Christmas shit.  Open year-round so not just for Christmas.  Avoid the rush by going today.

Bucks County Antique Gallery.  It’s a big antique store.  Erin likes antiques.  She used to go with her grandmother.  That’s where she got the SNES and a Rainbow Brite doll.  Maybe she could get more sophisticated antiques now.  Like a plate with a big rooster painted on it.  Or various paintings of rural scenes.

The fifth thing to do is, oddly, Bi-County, Inc, which is a company who repairs air-conditioners.  There are no reviews.  But if you need any HVAC work done, give them a call.  Whatever HVAC is.

The problem is that Erin thinks that she’s too good for rural Pennsylvania.  Where’s the Hot Topic?  Where’s the Carl’s Jr’s?  Where’s the Whole Foods?

She can’t appreciate new things and new experiences.  She wants to constantly remind every rube that she encounters that she’s from fabulous Los Angeles.  And then she wonders why she sits at home all day with nothing to do.  “Here’s your coffee, Mike.  I just got done playing video games for a handful of horny retards for pennies.  Now I’m going to go cry in the bathtub while listening to Britney Spears.”

Isn’t Britney Spears from a rural area?  Maybe if she reminds herself of this fact, she’ll be less uppity about the whole thing.

But yeah, what a disaster.  She did not think this moving in with Mike Matei to be a big Youtube retro gaming superstar thing out AT ALL.  

Why doesn’t Mike move to Los Angeles?  He’s not working at Cinemassacre any more so what’s keeping him in rural Pennsylavnia?  He can stream in Los Angeles.  He must have money.  Sell the house and his second house where he just stores Halloween decorations and get a nice little condominium in Los Angeles.  Bring Erin along if you like but I understand that there are some sexy ladies in Los Angeles who are very much agreeable to sugar daddy situations.  You can trade up.

6 thoughts on “Erin's Love for Pornographic Carl's Jr Commercials

  1. erinplays has a cousin with a similar channel that manages to be even shittier

  2. Don't get me excited by suggesting that it's Erin's cousin. That's just a fat, goth, gamer grrl from Australia. I checked out a stream. She was talking about her breasts. She said she wanted to get her breasts out. Then some horntard said, “Yay! You want to get your get your boobs out for the boys”. She said, “Not for the boys really. For the girls. But the boys can enjoy them too.”She's just another boring, fat, lesbian gamer grrl. Nothing to see here.

  3. Your weird kneejerk defense of “LOL guess you don't understand city living much huh” is more revealing and empty headed honestly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *