Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whLqjNb5qJQ

This was from the same day when they were streaming Pac-Man 99.

Same bad layout as before but even worse now because you need to see the entire screen for this game.  Why didn’t she just re-size the windows like she normally does?  I guess because games on the Switch are widescreen?  There must be a way to do this.  Because this looks like shit.  

1:30 – Mike is holding a large Bulbasaur plush toy because…Erin is a huge…Bulbsaur fan?  So she got this big stuffed Pokemon.  But…she never plays Pokemon.  Or any game.  Ever.  Unless it’s on stream, for money.  

These are all just props for her streams.  She’s playing a role.  She’s playing the role of a gamer grrl.  And she’s doing a really, really shit job of it.  

But that’s all that this is.  And she’s buying all of this fucking trash solely to play the part of a gamer grrl on stream, for money.  For pennies.  This is not a money-making operation.  What’s the point of this?  This is going to be a giant pain in the ass when the inevitable time comes when she has to get rid of this shit.

I don’t think that Erin knows how to play this game.  She keeps throwing Pokeballs out and nothing happens.  Is that how the game works?

You know what this is?  Erin is just going around and reading the names of the Pokemon.  The game is a rail shooter, effectively.  A really bad rail shooter.  And instead of a gun, you take pictures of Pokemon.

So when you have a Pokemon in frame, it shows that Pokemon’s name.  Erin is just screaming the names when she sees them and pretending to be (1) excited by this, and (2) knowledgeable about Pokemon.  But without seeing the names on screen, she would have NO IDEA what their fucking names are.  It’s obvious.  She even hesitates before saying the name because she’s waiting for the name to appear on screen.  This is that Star Trek t-shirt video all over again.

8:45 – Mike is talking about some Tomy Pokemon toys.  Erin pretends to know what he’s talking about.  Then she says that she almost bought one of them on Ebay recently.  Wow.  Another riveting tale about something that Erin DIDN’T do.

10:15 – “Look at that!  Four stars!  I don’t think that I’ve ever gotten that.”

That’s because you don’t play the game, Erin.  Why is she always so surprised?  Every fucking game is a new game for Erin.  She plays it one time, on stream, for money, and then never again.

12:00 – Erin is talking about her fondness for this game that she never played before in her life.  “I really like it and I’m glad that you like it too.”  She’s saying that she introduced Mike to the game.  Uh huh.  

13:00 – Mike asks her what a particular Pokemon is called.  “What are they called?  Purrloins or something?”  Erin says, “Yeah.  I don’t know.  I forget what they’re called.”

Exactly what I said earlier.  Without seeing the name on screen, she has no fucking idea what ANY of these Pokemon are called.  She never played the fucking games.

Mike knew what they were called and he was totally honest with his inexperience with the games.  Since the start of the stream, he’s been talking about how he barely played any of the games.  But he knew the name of this Pokemon and Erin had no fucking idea.

14:30 – “Do people do Pokemon hacks?  Probably.”

ERIN HAS NO FUCKING IDEA.  Of course there are fucking Pokemon rom hacks.

Oh.  She’s throwing apples.  Not Pokeballs.  And the idea is to get the characters to move.  I guess.  But they aren’t moving for Erin.

She’s just reading more names.

She says that she never played Pokemon Stadium.  Or something.  I forgot what the game was and I’m not rewinding.

17:00 – “I like throwing apples.”

This is some real “gamer” right here.  And the commentary.  Magnificent!

17:45 – Erin talks about how much she wants some Pokemon Mini or…something.  And she says, “I was going to order one like a year ago but I forgot about it.”

She has millions of these stories.

18:00 – Mike asks Erin about “Hit Clips”.  Or something.  Mike asks if Erin has any of these.  Erin says, “I probably do at my parents’ house.  I did have a few.  I think that I still have them.”

Then Mike asks what songs were on them.  Erin says, “There was NSYNC, Britney Spears, Destiny’s Child” and then she runs out of names.  

According to Wikipedia, she’s right.  This is the only thing that she can talk about.  1990s shitty pop music for teenage girls.  This is a 33 year old woman and this is the only topic of conversation that you can have with her.  

Then one of the horntards suggests that Erin do a video on some NSYNC game and Erin says that already has ideas for such a video.  “I should probably stream it first because it’s been a while since I’ve played it.”

Why does it have to be streamed first?  Why can’t she do any “research” in her spare time?  Everything has to be on stream, for money.

20:00 – One of the horntards talks about Erin’s shirt.  It’s a Cure shirt.  So Erin starts talking about her love for the Cure.  Well, not really.  She talks about having a different Cure shirt, though.

Then they start talking to Hungry Goriya.  I don’t get it.  Maybe Mike is hoping for a threesome.

22:00 – Mike is reading from the chat, “Mike, were the 90s better or the 2000s?  Do you want to answer that?” and he throws to Erin, who was born in 1987.

Well, she actually gives an honest answer for once.  She says that she grew up in the 90s so has childhood memories of that decade.  She pinpoints the year 2003 as when things started to get “shitty”.  I don’t know if she means globally or just her life specifically.

23:45 – One of the horntards mentions Woodstock 99 and Erin starts regaling us with a story about how she watched it on Mtv while in the fifth grade.  “It was a mess.  Like bad things were happening and it was kind of dark.”

Oh.  Such as?  Can you elaborate on this AT ALL?  No.  Because she doesn’t have a fucking clue.  She was in the fifth grade and only catching glimpses of from her cage or where ever her parents kept her.

“I forget who was playing.  I think it was like Korn and Limp Bizkit.”  Well, she’s right.

I made it to 25 minutes.  I’m done.  This is just stupid and boring.

– “when did that happen. As far as I know, yesterday Mike was streaming Batman on SNES and you were streaming an Atari 2600”

That was from Mohammed Al Kasim, who commented yesterday that he’s from Iraq.  Focus on rebuilding your fucking country.

Look at this graph of GNP per capita in Iraq from 1950 to 2008.

What happened here?  Lightning hit the transmitter?

No, that crater is when the US started carpet bombing the country because some girl told a patently ridiculous story to Congress about Saddam Hussein throwing political opponents into woodchippers  and taking babies out of incubators.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nayirah_testimony

It was all completely made up bullshit but that’s why that graph looks like it does.  Because braindead Americans like Erin believed that preposterous story.  

So while Erin was rocking out to Britney Spears on her HitClips and eating entire bowls of ranch dressing, our friend Mr Al Kasim was hiding under a bombed out bridge and eating grass.  “The 90s!”