https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvhmljqyDms
I watched this for maybe two minutes for “fun” but had to turn it off. Shockingly bad.
0:15 – After stating that he knows nothing about the games, James says (or reads), “I sat down and researched this confusing series for a few weeks.”
Really? A man who’s (allegedly) unbelievably busy (with what, I don’t know) somehow found the time to research a game series, that he doesn’t even like or know anything about, FOR WEEKS!
What about James’ all-consuming poop research? Did that just get put on the back burner?
0:30 – “But first, a message from our sponsors: Square Enix”.
Well, that’s convenient. Square Enix are also the developers of Dragon Quest. So James encourages you to download some shitty Dragon Quest mobile game.
1:45 – “Full disclosure: the rest of the information in this video is from my own viewpoint.”
He’s reading this. He’s reading all of this. He didn’t write one word of this.
And he sounds like he’s about to kill himself. What is this? How did this get released? Did nobody watch this? Did nobody listen to how he sounds?
He’s reviewing games that he knows nothing about, has no interest in, and HAS NEVER PLAYED BEFORE.
Maybe Erin’s videos were just ahead of their time. Maybe this is what people want to watch now. Somebody with no interest, knowledge, or experience with video games talking about a game that they never even played before.
Buried in the description is, “Check sackchief out, he’s big into Dragon Quest”.
What they don’t tell you is that this guy wrote all of this.
Here’s a Tweet from the guy who wrote the episode:
https://twitter.com/sackchief/status/1357501768217821185
“What did you guys think of the AVGN Dragon Quest episode?”
You really don’t want to know.
https://twitter.com/sackchief/status/1357436853713051650
“AVGN was the show that inspired me to become a YouTuber in the first place, so I am honored that they asked me to help out with one of their videos. I put a lot of work into this one.”
I really doubt that he was paid.
It’s not his fault that this video is god awful. It’s James’. One hundred percent.
Why did he fucking read it like this? And why give it to him in the first place? Why pretend that James spent WEEKS researching this shit? Why would James even do that?
The guy who wrote this could have just as well given the script to Erin to read. It would be just as disingenuous. This doesn’t make any sense.
I don’t know what can possibly be done to save the channel. These shitty videos poorly disguised as ads are not it. Reading from a script in the way that he does…it’s like a POW video. “I am being treated well. I get three meals a day. Stop the bombing of the Viet Cong” while James is blinking “torture” in morse code.
It’s fucking shit. This has to be a new low for the channel.
To be honest, I never really liked the AVGN videos. People talk about how they’ve re-watched them many times and whatever. No. I watched them once and moved on. The earlier ones are watchable but I’m not sitting there jerking off to them.
Same with Monster Madness. I don’t even deem most of those watchable but again, people seem to like them.
So it’s not like I think that James is some creative genius who’s being stifled by Screenwave. He’s an autistic man who’s obsessed with faeces and was used as a prop by shady people since the start. First it was Mike and now it’s Screenwave. Mike was just better at it.
What about mukbangs? Maybe a James Rolfe mukbang would be good. Oh…wait. I just realised the problem. You’re supposed to talk during these things. I don’t want to watch this guy eating and just saying “yeah” over and over.
So videos where James is talking off the cuff are out. That really limits things.
It has to be scripted content. But…I don’t know. Is he going to read it like he read this Dragon Quest script? If so, nothing will work.
What about try on hauls? A James Rolfe try on haul. Just model some “sexy” outfits and write a little script describing the outfits. And do a decent job on the reading.
Playthroughs are out because he was fucking god awful on James and Mike Mondays. He couldn’t even stay awake.
He can’t do any travel videos because he’s petrified of covid. He doesn’t even leave his house.
I don’t care to hear his opinions on movies. Or music. I certainly don’t want to see videos where he jams with his “band”.
Poo? Can he do something with poo? That’s his only real passion. Talk about, I don’t know, historical poo. Talk about the different consistencies of poo. Talk about his favourite types of poo. Talk about the biggest poo that he ever did. Maybe do some laxative reviews. Try out different foods that commonly cause diarrhoea (Indian food, spicy food in general, those Olestra Doritos that they used to make) and then confirm if the rumours are true.
I think that there’s something here. Turn the channel into straight poop talk. Is there mass, long-term appeal for this? I don’t know. But there’s NO appeal for this utter trash that he’s been releasing of late.