https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRmVM90UkEQ
Oh my god. I’m pumped. The debut of chubby Erin. How did I miss this video? I’m subscribed to Cinemassacre. Maybe it didn’t show up in my feed or maybe the boring thumbnail didn’t grab my attention.
0:30 – Ooh. Bonus footage. Chubby Asian woman.
I went out with a chubby Asian woman once. She was from China. She was like 22 or something and I was…I don’t know…early 30s, I guess. So go me.
I remember her asking if I had a gun when I lived in the US. And I said no. She was really confused by this. “Doesn’t everyone have a gun in America?” I said “No, of course not.” It became clear the more we talked. She literally thought that everyone in the US was required by law to get a gun when they turned 18 years old.
Anyway, she was a nice woman but she was fucking fat. It wasn’t for me. And I remember showing somebody a picture of her and he thought that I was insane for not wanting to go out with her again. He was some Asian chubby chaser. It’s true, you don’t see many chubby Asian women so it’s somewhat rare. If you have that particular fetish, it’s probably tough to act on it.
1:00 – Here we go. “I didn’t think much of the PS5 because I stick to my retro stuff.”
Oh come on. It’s a fucking lie. Why is this allowed to continue? On the fucking Cinemassacre channel? They let this woman come on and tell bald faced lies?
I was so outraged by that, I didn’t even notice the fact that Erin has gained about fifty pounds from the last time I saw her.
She’s wearing a shirt that says “The Cure”. I’m hip. I too enjoy music from before I was born. But do you know what “the cure” for obesity is? Eating less and exercising more.
2:00 – “Which of these games had better launch titles?”
Erin’s answer is, “I’m going to be honest, I don’t know what was launching on this one, right here, this boy.”
SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE NAME OF THE CONSOLE! Holy shit. Why would they bring her on for this?
And this is EDITED! Why couldn’t they at least direct her? Tell her the name of the fucking system.
“But this one, everyone, well I know two people are really into Astro’s Playroom. I think. Is that what it’s called?”
Holy shit. This has to be intentional. Somebody is intentionally sabotaging Erin’s Youtube “career”. Would you fucking release this video if this was somebody who you cared about? She can’t answer a single fucking question. She’s not interested in video games.
“Then there’s the Miles Morales”
The game is called Spider-Man: Miles Morales. She seems to have this trouble. She’ll call a game by its subtitle. Because she’s completely clueless.
3:30 – “So when it comes to disc drives, I definitely prefer having one.”
Oh my god. What an insight.
4:15 – “It’s just, I like that it’s a freaking brick. I don’t like the dots on top, though. But it’s, I don’t know. I appreciate the brickness.”
It’s shameful. Mike should be ashamed of himself. Letting Erin make these videos. He knows full well that she comes off HORRIBLY and that she’s embarrassing herself.
6:00 – “Oh…that. That wobbles.”
This is just so bad. She’s demonstrating how the console wobbles when you put it on its side. Who gives a fuck?
Although speaking of wobbling…no, I’ll save the fat stuff for the end.
“Oh, does the stand work here too?”
She doesn’t have a clue. Just get some senile old woman off the street to “review” this shit. They would do a better job.
9:45 – “I like how the moon looks. The moon looks great. And I like how the lights look and everything. That looks very…very real.”
They’re trying to compare graphics on the two systems. That was Erin’s idiotic contribution.
So that’s the video.
Now, let’s discuss Erin’s issue here. We know that she has a lot of health problems. She has carpal tunnel syndrome and problems with her back and allergies and asthma. Maybe she also has a thyroid condition. We should be sensitive to these things.
Or maybe she’s just enjoying McDonald’s too much. I get it. A lot of people gained weight over the lockdown. You’re not getting any kind of exercise. And also, with all of the money that Mike is making, it stands to reason that they eat takeaway a lot. Indeed, Mike suggested that he eats exclusively takeaway. I don’t think it’s called “takeaway” in the US but I mean restaurant food. Fast food and also, whatever, Chinese and that kind of thing.
You can’t keep doing that. Well, you can but then you’re going to look like Mike and Erin. They both gained a lot of weight.
I’m not here to body shame anyone but this is Erin’s livelihood. Two hundred and fifty bucks a month is riding on this. If Shishi and the gang can’t get an erection, you’re in some real trouble.
Although, there is that one guy who used to always say “Erin so thicc” in the comments. So there is that. Some guys do like bigger women. So it’s a gamble, I guess. She can tap into the chubby chasing market. Feeders.
there's actually an erinplays-like woman thing on the video. i seriously thought it was actually erin at first; it wasn't until a few seconds into this that i finally recognised the entity as someone else. imagine being a discount version of erinplays, a person whose existence evolves around lies and fakeness.
I think that that's Johanna from Castzilla VS The Pod Monster. That's the Godzilla podcast that Tony from Hack the Movies does, of course.
so tony is propping her up using his cinemassacre cred the same way that mike promotes erin? does the transaction also involve reenacting the Battle of the Bulge?
Nothing sleazy like that. I think they're just friends. And I believe that he has a girlfriend. He says that he's known Johanna for 15 years. I also think that she works at Screenwave. That's weird. Wait a minute…the more I go down this rabbit hole, the stranger it gets. I'll do a post on her tomorrow.