https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb7QcqqpTQU
So Chris BORES has seemingly abandoned his Irate Gamer shit again (yay!) in favour of his new enterprise: Ghost Doctor (boo!). It is some of the most painful stuff you’ll ever witness. The man is a personality black hole and he’s going around Toledo with his stupid little ghost gadgets, talking in his castrato voice about how there are ghosts everywhere.
Who’s being entertained by this? NOBODY! The channel has 2,500 subscribers. And he’s been trying this ghost hunting shit for DECADES. Nobody is watching. Why would they?
This shit was popular from the mid-19th century to about the 1920s when it finally died. These mediums were all exposed as scammers. Do a seance with Houdini and he’ll tell you all about it.
People in those days weren’t as sophisticated as people today. There was no internet back then. Science was in its infancy. They were also more religious. So the people were rife for duping by unethical charlatans of all types.
But today? I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble. If you believe in souls and an afterlife, that’s fine. You don’t need my permission.
But the who fuck is going to believe that Chris BORES is hanging out and talking with your long dead grandfather?
Let’s think about it logically. You’re a ghost. You can go anywhere, do anything, maybe you’re travelling through different dimensions, through space and time. I’m not sure how it all works. But you’re going to take time out of your day to talk to fucking Chris BORES?
Or I don’t know. Often times, the premise is that a ghost is confined to a certain building. They’re trapped in this building for some reason. For eternity, it would seem. Or at least until they tear the building down.
I still wouldn’t talk to Chris BORES. Even if Chris BORES was the only visitor I had for 100 years, I still wouldn’t talk to him. I’d rather endure eternal torment and damnation than spend any time talking to that tedious fuck.
By the way, Chris BORES pronounces his name “Borris”. It reminds me of a guy I worked with who had the surname Loser. He pronounced it with a long “o” sound.
So BORES. He was in the news. The local Toledo, Ohio news. He has the video on his channel.
0:00 – The male anchor is clearly gay and the female anchor could put a few pounds on her.
It’s stupid as fuck. This woman who’s starving herself says, “What is a ghost behaviourist?” and the camp man shrugs his shoulders. Then we cut to the reporter on the scene who says, “A ghost behaviourist is exactly what is sounds like.”
Well thanks for that.
“Somebody who studies the behaviour of ghosts and believes they exist.”
I think that the second part of that definition is implied. But…whatever. These are fucking idiots. This is a NEWS broadcast. Don’t they have any journalistic integrity? They’re reporting GHOST HUNTING as a legitimate news item.
Ghosts are haunting the fucking Spaghetti Warehouse in Toledo. Give me a fucking break.
1:00 – They interview some guy named Roger Green who worked there for 20 years. “When I was a server, there was a lady going to the bathroom downstairs and she came upstairs with her pants halfway up and said that she’d seen the guy with the moustache.
I can’t help but notice that Mr Green has a moustache. Maybe stay out of the women’s bathrooms, you sick fuck.
Then we cut to Chris BORES, who is described as “Toledo’s first ever ghost behaviouralist.”
And he’s there with his fucking flannel shirt. The man makes something insane like $250,000/year from his Puppet Steve channel and he’s wearing a god damn flannel shirt that he got 2 for $15 down at Walmart.
1:30 – “I’ve been ghost hunting for probably about 15 years now.”
I have a better idea for you, Chris BORES. Go job hunting. And when you get an interview, wear a nicer fucking shirt.
They flash his website on screen. Pursuitoftheparanormal dot com. Oh that’s catchy.
The website looks like it was made with Yahoo Geocities’ web builder program, 20 years ago. Holy fucking shit. And there are AWFUL pictures of Chris BORES on there. This is the most amateur production I’ve ever seen. The man makes a QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS every year and THIS is the best he could do.
And look at this quote:
By being a student of psychology, sociology and eastern philosophy, he merges both of these fields together into ghost hunting…
There are THREE fields mentioned but he says “both”. He put this shit together in about five minutes.
God, this is just so bad. Different coloured text everywhere. I’m surprised there’s no scrolling text. I made a better website in 1998 using a fucking text file.
One of the links says “Video’s” It just takes you to his Youtube page.
When you click the book link, there’s clickable text that says “buynow” and it just takes you to Paypal where you can buy…something for $15. What is this? Is an e-book or an actual book? Most people would assume that it’s an actual book but it’s almost certainly an e-book. This is shady as fuck.
Then there’s a DIFFERENT “buynow” link, it’s under the price $13.99, but when you click it, it takes you to that same PayPal page and the book (or whatever it is) is actually $14.99.
And if you click that link (either of them) more than once, it adds another book (or whatever) to your cart. So you can easily end up purchasing more than one book (or whatever) at once. And who the fuck needs more than one e-book of the same book?
If you click “Store” it takes you to his Etsy page. He has 37 sales. That’s 37 sales since 2014. And it’s mostly Irate Gamer DVDs that he’s selling.
When you click contact, you can get his “e-mail” address. And his “e-mail” address is a fucking AOL address.
It’s like the man hasn’t used the internet in 20 years. This is not remotely professional.
Back to the video.
2:00 – Chris BORES is in the Spaghetti Warehouse basement and he has some ghost hunting gadget and a flashlight. “Can you…ummm…tell me what…with this device in my hand, can you tell me what this place was used for?”
Really? You expect a ghost to respond to that? That question that you could barely even spit out because you were so nervous? That question that barely even makes sense?
Then after an unknown length of time, Chris BORES’ little ghost hunting device beeps and Chris BORES says, “Eat. Nice.”.
That’s it? You’re trying to communicate with a ghost, a pervert ghost who watches ladies on the toilet, and all you ask them is what the room was used for? I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU IT WAS USED TO EAT, YOU DUMB FUCK! IT’S THE SPAGHETTI WAREHOUSE! WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE USED FOR?
And it was just a fucking beeping sound. It didn’t even sound like “eat”. His own fucking device, that he rigged, this is something that he’s using to try to fool the real bottom-dwelling, paint eating doofuses of Toledo, all it did was fucking beep.
Why did he stop at that one question? He seemed excited that he got a response.
How about some questions exploring the mysteries of the universe? What’s the afterlife all about? What’s the one true faith? Is there anything I can do to avoid spending an eternity haunting The Spaghetti Warehouse in Toldeo, Ohio?
2:15 – Then he’s in the attic and claims to get a solid reading “all over the place here.” He’s just so unnatural in his speaking. He’s awkward. He stutters. It’s like he has autism or something.
So now he has a different device. He puts it on the ground and asks the spirit, “Do you like having Ida around here?” Ida is the “journalist” on the scene.
After a while, some lights turn on. They take this to mean “yes”, for reasons that aren’t explored.
And again, what a fucking idiotic question to ask a being from some ethereal plane.
Then we’re back to those buffoons in the studio who end the segment with some god awful small talk.
Everybody involved in this story should be ashamed of themselves. This is what they’re teaching in journalism school now?
They didn’t ask Chris BORES one question, from what I could tell. Here’s what my first question would be, “Is this all made up bullshit? Because it looks like made up bullshit.”
Second question: “Do you expect to ever get a girlfriend with this made up bullshit?”