https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBTjMVEVA5I
0:00 – Hamburglar shirt again. Maybe this was streamed on the same day as she did her Legend of Zelda Part 2 video for Youtube. It’s like her lucky shirt. “I’m going to do SO good at the game and make SO many funny comments with my Hamburglar shirt.” It’s not working.
Before I start, I’m reminded of a Reddit comment that theorised that Erin isn’t popular because she’s a character. We know James Rolfe, we know Mike Matei, I think even the Screenwave guys disclose their full names. But Erin is just Erin Plays.
I don’t buy this for one second. Even if we knew her last name, what difference would it make? She’d still be boring as fuck. And if she ever disclosed her last name, Shishi would be at her home every day.
I think the idea is that if we knew more about her as a person we’d care more about her. But there’s nothing to know. She’s a complete blank slate. She has no interests, no hobbies, she’s never done anything with her life. The fraud that you see on Youtube, that’s who she is. She’s a fake gamer grrl. That’s her entire identity.
“It looks kind of Castlevania-y”
She’s describing the game that she’s going to play. Uh huh.
“I just discovered this tonight while I was going through some games.”
Oh. “I never played this before.” What a shock.
“And I was like, ‘ I want to play this. I want to stream this'”.
That is the only way that you play games, yes. On stream, for money.
0:30 – Then there’s a weird edit. Oh great. That means we have to check out the original stream. I never tire of this.
Wait a minute. The original is two fucking hours. The Youtube video is 40 minutes.
She cut out the Romper Room hellos. Well, thank fuck for that.
Oh. She talks about that horrible Youtube premiere. So that means she’s just wearing her favourite shirt again.
“I think it helped views a bit in the beginning.”
That’s her only takeaway from this. It’s all about views.
Somebody asks about her giving up in that video and she says, “My hand was so tired that I just gave up. I threw in the towel.”
Then she claims to have played House of the Dead 1 and 2 in the arcade “for a bit” but she “doesn’t remember much.” I’ll bet.
“So I spent this afternoon trying out different games.”
Right…
“I was going to try out Luigi’s Mansion because believe it or not, I’ve never played Luigi’s Mansion.”
Oh, I believe it.
Then she gets flustered because I think she realised how ridiculous that statement was.
“Why is it right when I start talking and streaming my allergies kick in?”
This shit again.
Analougue1975 says, “My wife and I miss you every night”.
Then Erin says, “Well, I haven’t been streaming in a while but that’s totally cool, Analogue.”
It’s not cool. It’s creepy as fuck. This guy is in his mid-40s and jerking off to this shit with his wife. It’s bizarre.
Then she pauses the stream to take some allergy “meds”.
Then Analogue says, “Our allergies are terrible out here in Reno.”
He’s dropping a subtle hint. Hey Erin. Ever been to Reno? We should totally hang out some time. My wife and I would love to have you over.
His avatar is just a picture of his large dog. Hmm…I won’t make that comment. Just insert your filth here.
Then she’s back. “Have I played Soul Caliber? No, I haven’t.” Why do these people even ask? Have you seen it on video? Then shut the fuck up.
And only now does the Youtube video start. I guess I can see editing all of this shit out. But come on. We want to see everything. She advertises this as “unedited”.
Then there’s another edit. So back to Twitch.
“This guy looks like he’s out of a 90s cartoon, doesn’t he?”
Well…not really. Which cartoon in particular? There were several.
She mentions something that’s cute.
“It’s kind of like Symphony of the Night.” Another Castlevania reference. The game bears no similarity to Castlevania that I can see but her knowledge of video games is very limited so this is what she goes to. She’s going to compare it to Harmful Park next.
“The fishmen are a lot more colourful in this game than in Castlevania. They’re like Lisa Frank fishmen”.
Oh fuck. I just realised that I’m not going to ever get back to this Youtube video. She cut out fucking everything. I assume that this entire first attempt at the game is cut out. Why? Upload the whole fucking thing. Who cares if your gameplay and commentary is shit? That’s always going to be the case.
“Look at the people in the background. That’s gnarly.”
Oh. This shit.
“Ew. Are those like naked chicks in the background? I don’t like the vibe. I mean, I don’t like that part of the vibe.”
More “hilarious” comments on background shit.
I’m fucking done with this. Connorhurst2 keep telling her to Google various shock porn videos. He’s getting off on this. One hundred per cent.
Somebody finally tells him to stop. And it’s so fucking stupid. Like she doesn’t know about 2 girls 1 cup.
Then Analogue, out of nowhere, says, “Was tested for COVID and came back negative thankfully!! (weird emoji face)” What does this have to do with anything? I’m reading the fucking chat, and there’s nothing about coronavirus. He’s just dropping more hints to Erin. “Hey Erin. Reno is pretty nice this time of year. And I don’t have Covid. How about it? Me and my wife? My wife has some big boobies.”
Oh, Justin Silverman is in the chat. There’s an image I don’t want to think about. Justin jerking off to Erin.
Then she resets the game.
And now we’re back to the Youtube video. Look at all of this that she cut out. It’s like 15 minutes.
0:30 – “I have played Cuphead.”
I’ll bet. Which stream was that again? I don’t remember it. Must have been one that she didn’t upload to Youtube.
“I haven’t played it since it came out. I didn’t get very far.”
This is her usual euphemism for “I played it for a few seconds, on stream for money, during a variety stream.” But she wouldn’t do a PC game variety stream. So I don’t know when she played it but it was only for a few seconds at best and almost certainly on stream, for money.
0:45 – “Have I played Spawn on Super Nintendo? No.”
She actually laughs at this. Like, “Why would you ask this? Of course, I haven’t”.
1:00 – She starts talking repeatedly about SilverHawks. “I don’t know anything about SilverHawks”. Well, that makes two of us.
I just Googled it. It was a cartoon that aired for one season in 1986. You weren’t even born, Erin. Why mention this?
1:30 – “You say ‘Spawn sucks’? You would say that because you’re the clown.”
She’s talking about Justin Silverman. She doesn’t know the name of the character. It’s Violator, right? Yeah.
I mean…she’s just so out of her element. If you don’t know about this nerd shit, that’s fine. Nobody cares. Be yourself. Enough with this video game shit. Start making videos on Disney and 1990s pop music.
2:30 – “We have our fairy back. I’m going to call her Marie because this is very Castlevania-y.”
It isn’t. But let’s just move on.
4:00 – “I feel like that girl back there, she’s showing us her bits. Her hoo ha, if you will.”
Nobody cares. I mean, the horndogs in the chat are going to jerk off over this. “Oh…she said ‘hoo ha'” but nobody else cares. Just play the game. Ideally, play a game that you’re familiar with but that’s obviously impossible.
5:30 – “Okay, this part looks very Contra.”
How? But this is another game that she did a Youtube video on.
10:00 – “This game is fucking great so far. I love it. I’m so happy I stumbled upon it. Oh my god.”
Oh. So you’re going to be playing this one a lot in your spare time then. You’re not? Only on stream, for money? That’s weird.
I’m at 14:30. That’s enough for me. It’s shit tier gameplay.
Yeah, she never gets past this level. At 28:30, she gives up. And who knows how many hours were edited out of this thing.
28:45 – She plays Warlock. She never played it before. Of course.
30:30 – Absolute shit tier gameplay.
I’m done.
So here we are. Almost the middle of October. Still no “sexy” costumes. How does she expect to get the viewers? That fucking Hamburglar shirt?
These costumes last year were so low effort. She might as well cut two holes in a bed sheet and go as a ghost. Or hobo is another easy one. It would be fitting for her. Always begging for spare change.