Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtwzon-154A

Hey guys!  Erin is playing a modern game!  Because it’s cute!  Let’s check it out.

0:00 – Oh.  Have your tissues on standby, boys.  She’s wearing a tight pink top.

“I want to play the now infamous (bad edit) Cooking Mama Cook Star!”

She must have fucked up trying to hold up the game in the middle of that sentence.  So rather than do the whole thing over (all 11 words) she kept the first half of that sentence and only re-shot the last half.  Fucking unbelievable.

Apparently there’s “drama” around this game, and she’s going to tell you what she knows about it.  Which, presumably, is next to nothing.  You think that Erin is checking out fucking Kotaku or whatever ever day?  She doesn’t give a fuck about this shit.

Oh, I need to check out the latest ‘gaming’ news.  Baldur’s Gate 3 delayed?  Riveting!  She’s not doing that shit.

Then she reads the Wikipedia entry for Cooking Mama.

0:45 – Whoa.  Can you see her in bra in this?  Why are my pants getting tighter?  You can also see her god awful tattoo.

1:45 – She claims to have played previous games in the series.  I don’t believe this for one second.  She didn’t do a video or a stream on these games, after all, did she?  Then she didn’t play them.

Oh.  Then there’s footage of her playing one of these older games, on stream, for money.  So I guess she has played them before.  At least insofar as for an hour or so, on stream, for money.

3:15 – Oh my god.  Umm…there’s like a mini-game where you have to slice bread.  And you use your motion sensitive or whatever controller for this.  So…it looks like Erin is jerking off an invisible cock.  Oh man.  I am hard.  Work it, Erin.  Give it to me, baby.  That’s it.  Don’t forget the balls now.

And she’s bouncing around as she does this.  “I mean, it’s working”.  Oh baby.  You’re damn right it’s working.  Come on now.  Faster.

“I’m going a little slow.”  No shit.  Come on.  Work it.  You want that cum on your face, don’t you?  You dirty bitch.

“Come on!  Maybe I should have practised.”  Mike’s not working you hard enough?  Come on.  Don’t be shy.  Do what you do best.

Well, she didn’t slice all of the bread but it still worked for me.

4:00 – “Look at her tiles in the background.  So cute.”

Literally nobody cares.  There’s not a single person on earth who wants to hear this brain dead commentary.  But she never knows what to say.  She has zero knowledge, experience, or interest with video games so she’s at a complete loss as to what video game commentary should sound like.

4:30 – Erin doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing but she’s still succeeding at the game.  It’s an amusing juxtaposition.  You see a clueless, slack-jawed, vacant-eyed Erin staring at the screen and a “cute” voice in the game saying, “good job!” and “amazing!” and shit like this.  Whatever she’s doing, it’s working, but she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

4:45 – “That wasn’t that bad”.

She has no clue what just happened but she got a perfect score.

7:45 – Oh.  Now Erin is crushing a bag of virtual tortilla chips.  She calls them “Cheetos” because she’s an idiot but they’re clearly tortilla chips.  She’s making nachos, after all.  And there’s a fucking picture of tortilla chips on the bag.  But Erin think that these are Cheetos.

But forget about all of that.  This is another game where it looks like she’s jerking me off.  HOT!

9:15 – “I should try to make these recipes in real life.”

I’ve talked about this subject before.  Erin doesn’t seem to cook.  The benefit that she brings to a relationship seems to be…well, nothing.  Indeed, it seems to be a net loss to be in a relationship with Erin.  She only takes.  She contributes nothing.

There’s not an emphasis on learning domestic stuff any more.  I mean, it’s not the 1950s, I get it, but it’s just true that getting in a relationship with a woman (or a man) who knows how to cook would improve your standard of living.

What do I need with a woman who makes Kraft “mac & cheese”?  I can make my own Kraft “mac & cheese”, if I so desired.  Which I don’t.  But somebody who knows how to cook a variety of tasty meals, who enjoys cooking, whatever, that’s improving my life.

9:30 – “So we’re making hot Cheetos chicken”

She still thinks that she was crushing Cheetos for those nachos.  Does she know what nachos are?

Here’s another thing.  I want a woman who knows the difference between Cheetos and Doritos.  Because it’s important.  If I say, “Hey, when you go to the grocery store today, could you pick me up some Doritos?” I expect Doritos.  Not fucking Cheetos.

9:45 – “This one is hard!”

Oh baby.  She’s doing it again.  Just like in that Power Pad video where she kept talking about things being “hard”.

10:00 – “Put it in?  That’s what she said.”

Oh man.  Now she’s doing lame sex jokes.  I’m going to fucking dehydrate over here.

God, I’m bored out of my fucking mind.  This video is going on WAY too long.  We get it.  They’re motion-controlled cooking games.  Twenty minutes of this shit.

15:00 – She’s slicing an eggplant and tries to think of a sex joke but, of course, can’t.  That would require wit and fast-thinking.

15:45 – “I’m bad at using a can opener”.

How?  You know…is there anything that Erin is competent at?  She seems barely able to function.

19:00 – She seems to have way fewer posters now.  What gives?  32 year old women have their rooms covered in “gaming” posters, don’t they?

That’s the video.  It was complete horse shit, as usual.  She played this game for the first and last time.  Some things never change.

Let’s see what the horndogs have to say for themselves.

– “Erin did you delete that video about the frozen flash games that you played? It was so funny you playing those random creepy games that was one my fave videos from you lol”

Yeah.  That was the video where she reviewed Disney porn games.  And she deleted it.  Sorry, Steven.  Maybe try Pornhub?

– “Reminds me of a Cheap Rip OFF of a ASMR Video…”

I think he’s suggesting that this video was softcore porn, same as ASMR videos.  I don’t know.  Yes, she was making some masturbatory motions and she’s wearing an unusually tight top and shit like this but…well, maybe.  It’s not as bad as the Power Pad video but that’s a high bar.  Or a low bar.

– “I’m so happy to see the game turned out ok and its great to see it bring a smile to your face. Cooking mama is absolutely right that you need to have your own game too. Fantastic video. P.S. can’t wait to see you show Kamek who is boss when you 100 percent those last stages of Yoshi’s Island.”

Look at this fucking loser.

– “I love how genuine your reactions are to the games you really enjoy playing. You deserve a lot more subscribers.”

People say this a lot.  It’s not happening.  Her channel has been aggressively promoted by Mike Matei via the Cinemassacre channel and people are not interested.

Then there were a bunch of comments about how “hot” Erin is.  It’s like these people have never seen a woman before.