https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7svQ92WsEY
Finally, some more of that glorious “content” from Erin Plays.
0:00 – Whoa! Grab your tissues, boys. Sheer floral top. Some of that sexy grandma attire.
Aw yeah. Then she goes to Wikipedia dot com. Old school. Old school Erin Plays right here. I’m feeling so *nostalgic* right now.
0:45 – She praises the handles on the cartridges. And then the artwork on them. I hope she does colour next.
1:00 – She talks about the voice card on this ancient system. “Sadly, my voice synthesis module doesn’t work or else I would demonstrate it in this video, so you’re just going to have to take my word for it. It was awesome.”
I remember Erin talking about wanting to purchase this voice module. It seems that she has finally acquired one but it doesn’t work. But she assures you that it was awesome.
How does she know? She’s never had one. Has she watched a video on Youtube that demonstrates this? I doubt that she even did that. That would require either some tiny interest in this part of video game history or a tiny interest in producing good “content”, neither of which Erin possesses.
1:15 – “Marketing this system as something that could be fun and educational actually made this kind of a success in North America.”
Oh do tell.
I never even heard of the Magnavox Odyssey 2 before Erin started going on about how this system is “where her heart is.” I’ve never seen one. I’ve never known anyone who owns one. It was before my time. I have older siblings, who were in the demographic, and they didn’t have one. The first system we got was the Atari 2600. This is the experience of just about every American born between the years 1970 and 1980. Nobody fucking had a Magnavox Odyssey 2.
1:45 – “Although it never got as popular as the Atari 2600 or the Intellivision, it did sell pretty okay in North America and Europe”
2 million units sold according to Wikipedia. The Atari 2600 sold 30 million units. Intellivision sold 3 million.
The N-Gage also sold 3 million. Does anyone consider that to be a successful system? Did it sell “pretty okay”? No, it was an abject failure just like the Magnavox Odyssey 2.
2:00 – Then she starts the game “reviews”. She played all of these games one time, for this video, and then never again.
Does nobody see anything absurd about this? Why did she buy all of this shit? Are we supposed to put any faith into the reviews of a woman who played these games for a matter of SECONDS?
And just…oh my god. I can’t do it justice by merely typing what she’s saying but go to 2:00 and watch this “review”. It’s bizarre. She’s doing some weird “comedy” thing…I think. But what she’s saying doesn’t even make sense. I don’t want to dwell on it. Watch for yourself.
2:45 – Oh my god. Then she just reads the fucking instructions. This is not happening.
And there’s demo footage on her “cute” Disney television. She couldn’t even be bothered to fucking play this thing. She just lets the demo run.
3:15 – Holy shit. And then when she does attempt to play the game, she can’t do it. She can’t get through the fucking walls in the maze. Can you fucking believe this? It’s like playing Pac-Man and somehow not being able to get through the walls in the mazes there.
Why attempt to review this? If you don’t know how to play the game, don’t fucking bother. LEARN THE GAME before you review it.
And it’s not like these are complicated games. These are the simplest games ever made. It would take a normal person five minutes tops to figure out the controls. THERE’S ONE BUTTON! Erin can’t fucking do it.
She ends the review by admitting that she has no idea what’s going on. I mean…remember all of this when I quote some sycophantic comments from the comment section. People LIKED this video. Unironically. I guess. On what possible basis?
Right now John Riggs and Joe from Gamesack are jerking off to this video. “Oh yeah…what a gamer…give it to me, Erin!” It’s fucking insane.
4:15 – She “reviews” some Pac-Man clone.
5:00 – She “reviews” the sequel. “In my opinion, this is the best game on the system, at least out of the ones that I own.”
She played all of these games once. For seconds. Her opinion means nothing.
5:30 – She “reviews” Pick Axe Pete. She doesn’t know how to play this either, and states as such.
Then some gameplay. Holy shit. It’s awful. She doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing.
7:00 – She finally finishes the first level. “Oh my god. I’m so happy that I finally did it.”
After how many seconds of playing, Erin?
And she’s right here telling you that she never played the fucking game before. She never played any of these before. What’s the point of any of this? “Here’s my review of this thing that I have no fucking clue about.”
Game reviews by professional journalists. You know what a common complaint is? “This person didn’t play the game enough to leave a competent review. This person doesn’t know how to play the game so his review is worthless.”
But that’s exactly what Erin is doing. Worse than that. She’s playing these games for literally seconds and then doing the “review”. What are we supposed to take away from this?
It’s like doing a book review but you only read the dust jacket. It doesn’t make sense. The opinions expressed are worthless.
7:00 – She “reviews” some Space Invaders clone. It goes without saying that she never played it before and doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.
Then there’s some horrific gameplay.
8:45 – “I like the little guys. They’re cute. And I like the little alien up there. He’s cute in his own way”
Yeah. What the fuck is the point of this?
Watch any Bobdunga or CannotBeTamed or Pelvic Gamer video and compare it to the horseshit that Erin produces. It’s night and day. These other gamer grrls are actually doing fucking reviews. They might be insane, they might be boring, they might be full of bizarre sexual references but they’re at least fucking semi-competent reviews. Erin does NOTHING.
She’s reviewing fucking games that she played for less than a minute. What the hell is going on here? How can anyone watch this? Why is she producing this trash? Why does Joe from Gamesack have an erection right now?
9:00 – “He kind of looks like a primitive Cacodemon, you know.”
Oh what? No. Come on. She recently played Doom for the first time. On stream, for money. So now she’s making this reference. She only references games that she played on stream, for money. So now that she’s played Doom, on stream, for money, here’s another game that she can run into the ground with stupid references. Just like she compares every shooting game to Harmful Park.
“Or like Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage.”
Oh great. Disney references. That’s something that she’s actually interested in. I think. All we need now is a reference to 1990s boy bands and we’ll have the hat trick for Erin Plays reference material.
9:45 – She “reviews” a racing game.
“Speedway is your typical vertical racing game.”
This means nothing because her knowledge of “vertical racing games” is zero. How can she say that it’s typical? It’s just such trash. On a monumental scale.
She can’t get some other game to work and then she very briefly “reviews” some other game. I don’t even know what happened. This is all over the span of like five seconds.
10:00 – She “reviews” Cosmic Conflict.
“The dick airship got away from me.”
That’s the how the review starts. She doesn’t explain anything about the game. She doesn’t know anything about the game. But she said “dick” so that’s going to get these losers horny.
11:00 – “I’m really bad at getting the ones that are coming at you.”
She never fucking played this game before. Clearly. So what she’s describing is what’s been happening for the past 20 seconds or so.
11:15 – She reads something on the screen. “Message from Star Command: Please report for court martial.” And she ends with an inflection.
She doesn’t know what fucking “court martial” means.
12:00 – “If you liked that video let me know in the comments and please let me know if there are any other consoles you’d like me to take a look at.”
What’s the fucking point? There is no fucking console that I want Erin or ANYONE to “review” after playing the games for less than a minute each. These “reviews” are meaningless. it’s just baffling stuff. None of this makes sense.
Now let’s add to the confusion by reading some comments by horny losers who seem to enjoy this “content”.
– “You’re like the angry video game nerd if he was cute”
Which part of this was angry? When did she talk about excrement? There’s no similarity whatsoever to AVGN.
– “You went to school for something that majorly influences this channel but I can tell by the way you talk you know almost nothing about video games not really this was really smart”
The man obviously struggles with English but I can agree with the general sentiment. Or maybe he’s a native speaker but the video was just so bad that it temporarily affected his cognitive abilities.
– “”a primitive cacodemon or Cinderellas pumpkin carriage.” The kind of thing you can only hear from Erin. How can anyone not love these videos. Plus, you always find a way to call someone a bitch. Keep em coming Erin. Its always worth the wait.”
I don’t even know what to say . It’s like this guy is from another planet. Doesn’t he understand why she made that Doom reference? Doesn’t he realise that she never played any of these games before and she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing and these reviews are totally pointless? How can anyone watch the fucking video and reach the conclusion that that guy did?
– “Beautiful , informative, and entertaining! A+”
I don’t get it. I’ll be kind and say that she’s a 6/10 in appearance, none of this was informative, and none of this was entertaining. How can anyone honestly believe otherwise?
But you have fucking Joe from Gamesack saying that this is one of his favourite retro gamers on Youtube. And he wants you to believe that. He wants you to believe that he’s being sincere and this isn’t just a ruse to try to have sex with Erin. We’re not fucking idiots here, Joe from Gamesack. We can all see the videos. We know what’s going on.
– “You put a ton of effort into this video! Just wanted to make sure that was said. Great job as always.”
Oh my god. What? It was absolutely rock bottom, zero effort AS USUAL for Erin. She went to Wikipedia dot com and then played some games for seconds. What the fuck? That’s “a ton of effort” to you? It’s madness.
– “Love your top pretty lady”
Go jerk off.
– “If the world ends, we all have to watch Erin’s videos.”
God, what a horrible vision of the apocalypse. Give me the Whore of Babylon and her seven headed beast any day.
– “Nimble Numbers Ned vs Pickaxe Pete”
That useless comment was from the love of Erin’s life: Mike Matei.
Why doesn’t he help her with these videos? He must know that they’re awful. None of it makes sense. The whole Erin Plays situation, from top to bottom, makes absolutely no sense to me.
And for $100/month.
She’s gaining as many subscribers per month now as she was getting she she started the channel. The only peaks in her subscriber numbers are when Mike advertises the channel on the Cinemassacre channel. Otherwise, her growth is completely stagnant and has been for the past three years.
At what point do you give up? This is not going to take off. There is no mass appeal for watching a woman with no interest in or knowledge of video games stumble through old games. There are so many things that you can do with your life. Why this? Why is she obsessed with this obviously failure of an idea?
She could sell vacuum cleaners. She could mow lawns. She could be a receptionist in a dentist’s office. There’s a world of possibilities. Why this? What’s the appeal in being a failed fake gamer grrl making $100/month? Is it the prestige? I mean…what fucking prestige? It’s just completely insane and I hope one day to get answers. This whole thing really disturbs me.