Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EA9ntFglhUA

I hate Erin Plays so much.  But maybe I’ll miss it when she inevitably gives up.

This time she’s playing Batman Returns for the SNES.  Why?  I don’t know.

It’s “only” 26 minutes.  Maybe I can do this.  Let’s scroll ahead…see what kind of game this is.

A beat ’em up.  She just picks such fucking terrible games.  This is not remotely suitable.

It’s probably the worst genre of games that exists.  They require no skill, and conversely, usually can’t be beat.  At least not on the console games with limited lives.  These are games made for arcades where you can just keep putting quarters in to beat the game.

Is there such a thing as a “good” beat ’em up player?  As far as I’m concerned, the top rated Batman Returns player will do only marginally better than Erin.  There’s no fucking strategy to these games.  And it’s inevitable that you’re going to get hit and you’re going to die.  These are stupid games.  There’s a reason that the genre is long dead.

0L00 – “I’m a little nervous.  This might kill my hands but let’s see.”

So do something else with your time.  She’s going to become crippled by playing Batman Returns.  How embarrassing would that be?  She’s in the hospital, unable to manipulate her hands.  She has to explain to the doctor, “I’m a fake gamer grrl and lost feeling in my hands after playing Batman Returns, on stream, for money, for 26 minutes.”

“It’s just I feel like playing a beat ’em up”.

So fucking do it.  You have spare time, right?  Do you have to stream every time you want to play a game?

And then right after she said that, there’s a weird edit.

What is this fucking shirt she’s wearing?  Fucking Dig Dug characters or something.  Because she’s a “gamer”.  “Gamers” wear “gamer” shirts.  I never owned a fucking shirt with a video game character on it in my life.  And I’m certainly not going to start now.  I’m an adult.

Oh god.  She never played this before.  Of course.  But it’s still annoying.  She doesn’t know the fucking controls.  Or what any of Batman’s shit is called.  “Batarang”, for example.

1:15 – “How do I do the capey cape?”

Is this funny to anyone?  She makes these “cute” comments all the time.  It’s just fucking stupid.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Indeed.  This is a statement that can be applied to her life generally.

2:00 – She suddenly stops and starts opening and closing her hand.

Two minutes.  She destroyed her hand after two minutes of playing a video game.

There’s so much that you can do with your life.  Why focus on this gamer grrl scam?  The allure of $100 a month is too strong, I guess.

And this pink fucking “gaming” chair.  It’s obviously not helping.  “Gaming chair”.  Let me Google this shit.  Surely people have debunked this.

Yeah, most people just say to get an ergonomic office chair.  I think even that is overrated.

4:00 – “At least it’s like Final Fight where the clowns have names.”

We know this, Erin.  We know that Final Fight gives the names of the enemies.  We also know, unlike you, that MANY games in the genre do the same thing.  We didn’t have to play Final Fight, on stream, for money to know this.  We knew about this by playing these shitty games in our spare time as children.

This is such a fucking boring game.  I’m five minutes in.

5:30 – She complains about her hands moving involuntarily and then pauses the game again to stretch her fingers.

Who the fuck wants to watch this?  Aren’t people shutting this off at this point?  I don’t want to see somebody whining about their fucking hands.  Even if it’s genuine.  This is not entertaining.  It’s not entertaining to see somebody in pain, real or imagined.

The second level is just on one plane.  This is fucking stupid.  Erin doesn’t even mention this, of course.  She didn’t notice.  She doesn’t see any difference.  She’s totally unfamiliar with video games.

8:15 – Game over.  Then she reads a message from Shishi.

I wonder how many people go to her streams.  It’s always the same handful of horny losers who leave messages.

I’m not watching this any more.  This is fucking stupid.

You know what I just realised?  None of the other game grrls stream.  Not games, anyway.  I think Bobdunga was going to do something but whether she does or not, she doesn’t upload them to Youtube.  And Madam Fomo does those awful streams where she just shows her tits and her crotch.

Let’s check out Erin’s awful Twitter.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1264698209315835905

So I totally thought I canceled my preorder of the TG-16 mini but I guess not as this showed up today lol. I’m not mad. This will be good to have when I need to stream from my parent’s house.

Why?  Why would she have to stream from her parents’ house?  By the way, good use of apostrophes, Erin.  Two parents, the apostrophe goes after the “s”.  This is something that you learn in the fourth grade.  This woman has a degree in English.  Allegedly.

But why the fuck would she be streaming from her parents’ house?  Why would she even be travelling across country in these days of lockdown?  We have to be careful.  You might catch a cold.  It’s important that the world shuts down.  Everybody stay in your house.  If you absolutely must leave, wear a mask.  I guess that masks prevent colds now.  Who knew?

I even saw a government recommendation that you should wear HOMEMADE masks.  What the fuck?  I’m going to turn my old fucking underpants into a mask and you’re telling me that that will stop coronavirus?

It’s so fucking ridiculous.  Why is nobody rioting over this?  I read about protests in Germany and the US but there should be massive civil unrest over this total horseshit.  Fucking 2000 people die in the entire country over three months.  Most were people in care homes.  I have to assume that the overwhelming majority were very elderly and/or very sick people.

You shut down the country over this.  The whole world gets shut down over this.  Billions of people lose their jobs.  For what?

More people died of the flu.  More people probably died of syphilis.  What the fuck is the point of this?  Why are people just rolling over for what is plainly bullshit?

Then I read that stores will be opening soon but you can’t try anything on, like in a clothing shop.  And they’re going to rotate stock regularly because they’re afraid that handling items will spread coronavirus.  And new shipments will have be in quarantine for 72 hours before they can be put out on the floor.

Are you fucking kidding me?

According to the government’s own figures, cases of coronavirus have been in sharp decline for the past four weeks.  And it was never high to begin with.  You also have to question these elderly people dying.  Was it coronavirus that killed them or any number of other ailments that they had?

So I get this email from the train company saying that they recommend wearing masks on their trains now.  And the cars can only be half full now.  And a bunch of other shit.

First of all, don’t send me this bullshit.  The only reason these fucks have my email is because I tried to get a refund from them for a late train.  A refund that they refused even though it was a totally valid claim.  Making a refund claim does not imply consent for bullshit spam.

But secondly, it’s absurd.  What the fuck are people worried about?  I read the same news articles as everyone else.  I called bullshit on this from day one.  What the fuck was everybody else reading that caused them to panic?

The world is not full of critical thinkers.  That’s the sad reality.  That’s how they’re able to get away with this absurd bullshit.  So break out those skid-marked underpants and put it on your face.  You’ll probably get a bacterial infection but at least you won’t get coronavirus.  Apparently.  Fucking ridiculous.  Homemade masks protect against airborne diseases.  Fuck you.  Six months ago, every single Western medical expert was telling you that the people in China who wear masks are wasting their fucking time with that shit.  Now suddenly the advice is totally different.

Anyway, Erin Plays.  She needs a TurboGrafx-16 mini in order to stream from her parents’ house.  Ever hear of emulators?  Wouldn’t that be a whole lot easier?  The mini is an emulator anyway.

And coronavirus aside, why the fuck is she going to back to her parents’ house so often?  YOU’RE AN ADULT!  But no, she has to go visit her parents nine times a year.  Even though she lives, whatever, 5000 miles away.

It suggests that she’s deeply unhappy living with Mike.  So just move back with your parents.  Get a normal job.  Get your life together.