Gamer Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKsuYRjUg5c

Her caps lock must have been stuck.

Somebody definitely was talking about this game not long ago.  I’m thinking that it was Erin on Twitch, on the suggestion of somebody in the chat.  Or it might have been Mike on Twitch.  Oh well.  It’s some fucking stupid idea that Erin stole from somebody.

Oh my god.  Twenty-three minutes?  This is too much.

0:00 – “We’re going to play Widget on the NES and Super Widget on SNES.  Which is the better Widget?  I’m not sure yet.”

Because she hasn’t played either game.

Maybe it was a stream where Erin was playing SNES and taking suggestions from the chat.  Or maybe a stream where Mike was doing the same thing.

0:15 – “All right.  Stage 1: Mega Skank, I mean Mega Slank.”

Oh, some actual comedy for a change.  Not funny, by any means, but this was recognisable word play.  She wasn’t simply saying, “X looks like Y” and expecting laughs.  And of course, you have Shishi jerking off to this: “Oh…she said ‘skank’!  Hot!”

0:30 – “You know what’s weird?  There are two Widget games.  I don’t remember this cartoon being on the air at all.”

Oh.  Another riveting story about something that Erin didn’t do.

“I didn’t know what Widget was until I saw the game at Portland Gaming Expo a few years back.”

This must be what it was.  I have a vague memory of this now.  Maybe it was even a “pick ups” video.  But she either played the game for a few seconds on stream, for the first time ever, or she didn’t play it at all.  I don’t remember exactly.

0:45 – “One of my favourite things about this game is the walk cycle.  Look at how happy he is.”

“Cute”.  And in case it needs repeating, Erin has never played this game before.  I don’t count playing a game for seconds on stream, although I know that she does.

1:30 – “Look at these guys.  I like them.  They look like little finger puppet ghosts.”

“Cute”.  When does the interesting commentary begin?

“Kind of like the ghosts on Nightmare on Elm Street on NES.”

Oh that’s right.  She made the exact same “X looks like Y” comment about the ghost enemies on that game.  She played the game on stream, for money, of course.  And also in that James & Mike Mondays episode.

Hey, Erin, how about some references to games that you HAVEN’T played publicly?

1:45 – “I feel like this game is going to piss me off and I’m also reminding myself why I’ve  never gotten too far in this game.”

Yeah.  Because you haven’t fucking played it before.

“With some of the characters, it almost seems like it has Castlevania-like knock back.”

Oh.  Another reference to a game that you’ve played on stream for money.”

You know, I’ve made these comments a thousand times.  I know it’s repetitive.  But there are people out there, right now, who honestly think that Erin is a real “gamer”.

I’m not just talking about Shishi either.  I’ve seen it on Reddit from seemingly sensible people and Darius Truxton on Youtube, a guy who talks about what a fraud Destiny Fomo is, for example, has said numerous times that he thinks that Erin Plays is genuinely interested in video games.

How is it possible?  How can anyone reach these conclusions?  They can’t be watching the videos too closely.

The fact that every reference is to a game that she’s played before, on stream, for money is all the proof that’s required that she has no experience with video games, no knowledge about video games, and no interest in video games.  So once people know that, surely they’ll realise that she’s a fraud.

You don’t even have to know about her cynical attempts to woo Mike Matei to exchange butt sex for Youtube promotion.  You don’t have to know about her abysmal “gaming” skills.  You don’t have to hear her say, “I’ve never played this before” at the start of every video.  You don’t have to hear her vacuous commentary generally.  You don’t have to watch her play Mario Maker 2 and hit every single enemy.  The mere fact that EVERY FUCKING REFERENCE is to a game that she’s played either on Youtube or Twitch is 100% damning proof that she’s never played video games before.

2:00 – “I actually really love the colour scheme of this level.”

Oh.  Fascinating.  Tell us more about the hues.

2:30 – “What is he?  A macaroon?  Perhaps a hamburger chomping around.”

Oh.  “X looks like Y”.  Funny stuff.

3:15 – “What kind of bugs are those anyway?  They have like curly little noses.”

Ummm…a fly?  What a fucking doofus.  Yet another thing that Erin doesn’t know about: fly anatomy.

It’s just unbelievable.  And this was another brain dead “Oh, here’s a cute enemy” reference.

“They kind of look like wasps mixed with woozles(?).”

I don’t know what she’s fucking saying.  But another idiotic “X looks like Y” comment.  And again, she’s exposing herself as a total moron who doesn’t know what a fly looks like.

3:30 – “The hamburgers are very cute because who doesn’t like hamburgers.  I like hamburgers.  You like hamburgers.  Everybody likes hamburgers.”

I’m done.  This is total fucking trash.  Every god damn comment falls into the same four categories:

1. Colours
2. X looks like Y
3.  Something is cute
4.  A reference to a video game that she’s played on Twitch or Youtube

It’s fucking stupid.  But this is all that she can talk about because she has absolutely no experience, interest, or knowledge about video games.  So all that she can do is make the most shallow of comments.  She’s just commenting on what she sees.  “Oh, here’s a colour.  Here’s something that’s cute.”  It’s completely idiotic.

GIVE US SOMETHING NEW!  Who the fuck is watching this?  Who’s being entertained by this?  Who are these numbskulls who can’t see that she’s a total fraud?

Why doesn’t Mike watch this shit before she puts the video out?

Well, I suppose what can he even say?  This is not a video that can be improved with some light editing.  The entire raw footage is undoubtedly her making comments that fall under one of those four categories.  The video just has to be scrapped.

And what pointers could he give her?  He can’t tell her to make more intelligent comments because she doesn’t know anything about video games.  So it’s not like she can make interesting comparisons to other games.

She can’t even compare the character to other cartoon characters because she’s never watched any cartoons.  Well, except as an adult, after she started her Youtube channel.  Now suddenly, as a 32 year old woman, she REALLY wants to watch old He-Man cartoons and old Sailor Moon cartoons and whatever.  But she never watched any of this shit as a kid.

She hasn’t done ANYTHING.  Listen to her boring as fuck stories.  They’re always about things that she DIDN’T do.

And she doesn’t know fucking ANYTHING about the topics that she claims to have an interest in: Disney, McDonalds, and video games.  MAYBE she knows about 1990s pop music but the only thing that I’ve ever heard about is fucking Britney Spears and the Spice Girls.  This is hardly obscure.

Twenty-three fucking minutes of colour talk, “X looks like Y”, cute enemies, and references to games that she’s played on Youtube or Twitch.  And it’s all against a background of the worst fucking gameplay ever committed to video.  We’re supposed to be watching this shit and being AT ALL entertained?

Oh, here’s a find.  I gave up on the video about ten paragraphs ago but I decided to just randomly skim through the video and I found this:

 13:00 – “Somebody’s going to be like, at the four minute mark, you did not know what this was and called it a ‘popper thing’.  That is not correct.  Ah!  Oh my god, more ass plants over here.  If you’re time-coding this video and making like shitty comments, you should really re-evaluate things because that’s even more depressing than playing Super Widget.”

Erin is upset over a blog that gets 100 hits a day.  But it’s not the popularity that upsets her, it’s the truthfulness.  So here’s my simple advice to Erin: STOP MAKING VIDEOS!  THEY’RE GOD AWFUL!