https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWhl4jDCDsI
I already watched this during my break. I tried not to because that means that I have to watch this thing again for review purposes. But life is full of hardships. Let’s just get on with it then.
0:00 – “One of the first games I owned as a kid was Barbie Supermodel for the Super Nintendo!”
She can barely contain her excitement. She didn’t even start with, “Hey guys.” She was ready to go right out of the gate. “Yes! I don’t have to start this review with, ‘I never played this before'”.
Spoiler: she never played this before. It’s impossible. You’ll see why. So more lies from Erin.
Then she gives you some brief Wikipedia dot com action.
0:30 – “On Wikipedia, it says that the genre is ‘educational/action'”.
Oh. Interesting. She actually says that she’s using Wikipedia.
“Yeah, sorry past teachers for using Wikipedia as a reference.”
Don’t apologise to them. Apologise to your audience. These formulaic videos are awful.
1. Hey guys!
2. Wikipedia dot com
3. I never played this before!
4. So cute!
5. I love this!
6. Never play the game again.
Oh, by the way, I should have mentioned Erin’s outfit. It’s some pink…thing. A sweater?
1:00 – “So what are we waiting for? Let’s play!”
It’s just brutal. Bad acting. Bad attempt at being enthusiastic about this stupid shit. Fuck. Eleven minutes to go.
“So there’s that awesome title screen with the glitter, the colours, and everything is happy and Barbie.”
This is what she does. For every game. The commentary is ridiculously inane. Pointing out the EXISTENCE of colours. We can all fucking see it. You don’t have to say, “Hey guys! This game has colours!” That’s a fucking given. It’s just so terrible.
1:15 – “So here you want to choose game difficulty ‘super model’ because earlier I accidentally chose ‘junior model’ and it just sent you straight to the mini-games except you didn’t even really play them so make sure, if you ever play this, which I doubt, choose ‘super model or else you won’t even really play the game.'”
Where to begin?
First of all, it was no “accident” that she chose the “junior model” difficulty level. She ALWAYS chooses the easiest difficulty level.
Secondly, wouldn’t she know what the “junior model” difficulty does if she played the game before? This is one of the first games that she had. She presumably played it quite a bit. She never chose the “junior model” difficulty level?
I mean, that’s the FIRST thing she did when she played this game as a 32 year old woman for a Youtube video. So wouldn’t she have done this in her youth?
That right there tells you that this is bullshit. She never played this before. She doesn’t know what the difficulty settings do.
Thirdly, she complains that “junior model” difficulty takes you straight to the mini-games. But…THAT’S the game. The mini-games are the game.
It’s like Mario Party or Bart’s Nightmare or any number of similar games. There’s like an overworld “game” but the meat of the game are the mini-games. Nobody would want to play Mario Kart but just the board game part. But that’s what Erin is essentially saying.
And spoiler alert: when she plays this game, she actually AVOIDS the mini-games. She doesn’t want to play them. She doesn’t realise that the mini-games ARE THE GAME. It’s unbelievable.
This is a game that she claims to be very familiar with. One of the first games she ever owned. But she doesn’t know that the mini-games…are the game. It’s certainly puzzling. The only explanation is that she never played this before.
1:45 – “So we’re driving around Hollywood Blvd. I hate driving around Hollywood Blvd.”
Oh great. Erin is going to brag about being from “So Cal” again. Is anybody actually impressed with this? And just listen to his boring as fuck story.
Well…that was it, actually. That was the story. She hates driving around Hollywood Blvd. Boy, Erin. You really paint a picture.
“Ooh a shopping bag!”
Then she runs into the shopping bag and is surprised that she’s then taken to a mini-game.
Now wait just a damn minute. Why the fuck wouldn’t she know this? Why wouldn’t she know that running into an item takes you to a mini-game? This is a game that she says she’s played before. One of the first games she ever got. But she doesn’t know this fundamental aspect of the game.
This is how the game operates. You travel along this overworld part and try to collect various icons. Some icons take you to the mini-game. The goal is to get a high enough score to become a “supermodel.” You gain points through the overworld (I think) but mostly (or entirely) through the mini-games.
Erin doesn’t know ANY of this. This is bullshit. She has never played this before. It’s the only explanation. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for her not to know these BASIC things if she played the game EVEN ONCE before.
2:00 – “Match Barbie with the magazine cover? Oh yeah, that’s how you get the mini-games.”
Again, it’s completely impossible for not to have known this if she played the game before.
And then she doesn’t know how the mini-game works. You’re supposed to look at the picture of Barbie on this magazine cover and then put her in the same clothes. So you’re supposed to like study the magazine cover for a minute and then try to remember what she was wearing and duplicate it in this dressing room.
Erin forgot about this too, apparently. She’s never seen this mini-game before. And there are only like three mini-games in the game from what I can tell from this horrible video. They get looped repeatedly, that’s why she starts avoiding them.
“I love how early 90s these outfits are. It’s great.”
“The 90s!” That never gets tiring. Nobody gives a fuck about your 1990s *nostalgia*. I mean, at least give us SOMETHING. “These outfits are so early 90s”. What the fuck does that mean? Did you wear stuff like this in the early 1990s? Do you have an anecdote that you can share? No. Because she’s never done anything her entire life. So it’s “The 90s! Am I right, boys? Remember that decade?”
I remember it, you incredibly boring woman.
2:15 – “Aw I was wrong? Well, I wasn’t paying attention.”
Why weren’t you? Why did this all come as a surprise to you?
“So driving around this area in real life is so stressful. I would not recommend it.”
Whoa. Now that is interesting. Erin finds driving around Hollywood Blvd to be “stressful”. Just about everything is stressful to Erin. Maybe that’s why she never does anything. How is it stressful? Do you have any stories? No. Nothing. Traffic is stressful, am I right, boys?
2:30 – A different mini-game. She doesn’t know how this one works either. There’s an edit so that she can sort of figure it out. But she’s clearly surprised by all of this like she’s never seen it before.
Then it’s back to the overworld and her gameplay is very poor. By the way, this is a children’s game. She’s really bad at this children’s game that she said she played before. It’s implied that she’s played this quite a bit. But she’s really bad at it.
3:00 – Then she’s back at the magazine cover matching game and once again is surprised by it. It seems that if you pick up a particular icon, it takes you to a particular mini-game. So it shouldn’t be a surprise. She should know which icon takes you to which mini-game.
3:15 – “Oh wow, I guess it said that we’re good so let’s see if we can remember.”
She has no idea what’s going on.
She’s doing some other mini-game now.
“So I guess we did okay?”
She has no fucking clue what’s going on. How is it possible?
She’s on the next “level” as she calls it. I’m not sure if that’s the term I’d use.
3:45 – “I remember having trouble with this level as a kid because there’s like frisbees and birds.”
She’s right. There are frisbees and birds in this level. So…I just don’t get it. How can she remember something like this but not fundamental aspects of the game?
4:00 – She plays the magazine mini-game again and this time she appears to have paid attention. So on her third attempt, she figured this out. But she apparently played this game a lot in her youth. Wouldn’t she have this all ingrained in her memory?
4:30 – “It’s so funny. I remember when I was little, this would piss me off. And there’s a level coming up that will probably still piss me off.”
Oh. She sure knows how to tell a story.
4:45 – “I like how it just abruptly ends, by the way.”
Why does everything seem to surprise her?
“If they gave more of a shit, this could have been better.”
You still wouldn’t have played it.
“I played it because it was one of the only games that I had when I was little.”
Yeah. That’s what makes this so bizarre. Explain this to us.
I don’t actually think that she’s lying. I assume that when she says she had this game as a child that she really did. Because everything else is, “I’ve never played this before.” She’s not shy about saying that.
But explain how she doesn’t know anything about this game then. I don’t get it. The only thing that makes sense is that it’s a lie and she never played it before.
For a couple of years, the only computer game I had was Pirates. I haven’t played that game in at least 20 years but there’s nothing I couldn’t tell you about it. I played it loads. Hundreds of hours. Maybe thousands. I can go into minute detail about the game to this day.
Erin is playing the only game that she had as a child and seems to know nothing about it. Even while playing the game, memories are not coming back, except, apparently, for that frisbee thing. She’s surprised by everything else. It’s like she’s never seen this before.
5:15 – “Now we’re going backwards!”
Again, she seems surprised by this. After going through this level left to right, you then travel back right to left. She doesn’t seem to have remembered this.
By the way, she doesn’t explain what these “bonus” stars do. Because she doesn’t know. She doesn’t have the first fucking clue.
5:30 – “Okay, I’m going to skip that one because we get the idea.”
She starts skipping the mini-games here. She finds out later that you need a certain score in order to “beat” the game and you get points from these mini-games. She didn’t know this. How is it possible?
5:45 – Her score for this mini-game was 1995. “1995. That was a good year, wasn’t it?”
Sure. That was a year. Why was it a good year for you, Erin? Any interesting stories that you can share? No. Just, “Hey guys! Remember the year 1995?” Fuck off.
6:15 – “I’m skipping those bags and I know that I should be going for a higher score but I don’t care.”
First of all, she doesn’t yet know that you need a high score to beat the game.
Secondly, she’s telling you that she has no interest in this shit and she’s just trying to get through it as quickly as possible.
This is a game that ERIN wanted to do. She talked about this in her Q&A video. Fucking NOBODY was telling her that they want a video on Barbie Supermodel. This was entirely her idea. She wanted to do this. She wanted to share her experiences of a game near and dear to her that she played as a child. It was her only game as a child.
And she’s rushing through it. She doesn’t give a fuck. If she can’t give a fuck about this, how can she possibly give a fuck about games that she never played before?
7:30 – She tried to avoid a mini-game again but accidentally hit it. “Oh well, we should do this once in a while anyway.”
She doesn’t have a clue how the game works. And again, the mini-games ARE THE GAME. She’s trying to avoid playing the fucking game.
8:15 – She gets a game over and doesn’t know why. Unbelievable. It’s because she got hit three times. There’s a life meter represented by hearts that say “chance”. You get three of them. It’s clearly depicted on the screen. But she doesn’t know this. She never says anything like, “I’m on my last heart, I better be careful.” It’s just baffling stuff.
I never played the game before and I figured this out just from watching her play this. How is it possible that she doesn’t know about the heart system? Even if she never played this game before, it’s pretty standard in video games. Why is this a shock?
8:15 – “Is it going to start us all the way from the beginning?”
Please explain why she doesn’t know this. She must have played this game many times as a child. Right? Wouldn’t she sometimes have gotten a game over? She got a game over as an adult, after all. So I doubt that she beat the game every time as a child.
I don’t understand any of this. It’s just easier in my mind to say that she’s lying about having played the game before. Because how else do you explain any of this?
8:30 – Then you see her on her phone looking up competent Youtubers or Gamefaqs or something. I’m not even joking. See for yourself. She’s on her phone. Then she looks up and says, “Oh, you know why we didn’t get our big supermodel moment? Because I don’t think that I did enough of the challenges. So I think that I need to get a higher score. I was half-assing it.”
When she says “challenges”, she’s talking about the mini-games. And again, that’s the fucking game. The mini-games.
Why did she have to look this up? Why didn’t she know the requirements for beating the game? And I’m pretty sure that the game ended because she got hit three times and lost her lives.
She doesn’t know anything about the game. And she’s putting no effort in. For this game that means so much to her and was such a big part of her childhood. Apparently.
There’s something very off about Erin. That’s something of an understatement but it’s just unsettling watching her videos. There’s so much that doesn’t make sense.
8:45 – “Look at that guy jamming out to those tunes. I never noticed that.”
Yeah. Cute. And once again, she never noticed it before. How? That character probably appears ten times every time you go through this level.
“I want that car. I wanted that car so bad when I was little.”
We’ll get back to this. I’ll have to do it in a separate post because this is already too long.
9:15 – She tells a story about how she got a red Barbie Jaguar when she was a kid. It was actually a Mustang. She didn’t know this.
Now, maybe she doesn’t know about cars. What the fuck does she know about the difference between a Jaguar and a Mustang. But this is the car that she had as a kid in toy form and she really wanted a real-life version. So much so, that she’s talking about it now as a 32 year old woman, how she still wants this car.
10:00 – Then she gets another game over.
11:00 – “It’s not a hard game but for young children, it reminds me why I really enjoyed it when I was younger.”
I just…I think I’m going to go insane if I keep trying to figure this out.
11:30 – Then she tries again and fails. This is some kind of “comedy” extra. Good luck trying to find the comedy, though. I don’t want to deal with this shit any more. Fortunately, the video is over.