Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZbk_cmSz_s

Sixty-six glorious minutes of some guy I’ve never heard of interviewing some guy I would never have known had he not been involved with James “Rainman” Rolfe.

I’m looking at the backgrounds…they’re doing this over Skype or something…and I couldn’t figure out why they have the same background.  It’s the same shelf of games behind them.  I thought maybe they’re in the same room.  

No.  They’re in different rooms.  They’re each in their own home.  But they just have identical shelves of games behind them.  Because that’s what “gamers” do.  They get identical shelves and stock them full of games.  

0:30 – “Tony, I want to say that I’ve been a really big fan and there are so many cool questions that I have for you.”

Please don’t oversell this.  Because I can almost guarantee that this guy doesn’t have even a single cool question to ask.

0:45 – “I got to know, what — obviously, you’re into movies, you’re into wrestling.  What was it for young Tony?  Like what was it that really captivated you as a kid?  Was it horror?  Action?”

WHAT?  His first question DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE.  And you can see Tony struggling to comprehend any of this.  

Well, there’s only one way to go from here.

4:00 – Now they’re talking about their shelves.  Apparently, Tony’s shelves are full of movies, not games.  But they’re jealous of each other’s identical shelves full of whatever worthless crap.

Tony says that he keeps his physical media because the streaming services don’t always stream the stuff that he wants to watch.  It might be available one day and unavailable the next.

So fucking download the video if you’re that concerned about it.  

He says that he got the Simpsons DVDs because he was concerned about episodes being censored and/or episodes being pulled.  

These are the only DVDs of tv shows that I ever bought.  I got the first four seasons.  But I bought them like 20 years ago.  If there’s an episode that I want to watch, I’ll fucking download it.  Or there are pirate streaming sites that I’m sure we can all find for ourselves.  It’s not like episodes of The Simpsons are going to be hard to find.  It’s not some obscure show.  Any torrent site will have every single episode on there, uncut, uncensored, for your enjoyment.  And I think with the DVD commentary as well.

5:30 – Shout out to that butch lesbian editor Jessica.  She’s 24, apparently.  Great.

9:30 – A long, meandering question that goes nowhere.  This is this guy’s interview style.  He asks a minute long question, with a lot of asides and he loses his train of thought a lot, and then you’re left scratching your head wondering what he even asked.  It’s something like, “Can you tell us about your first episode on Cinemassacre” but told in a completely incomprehensible fashion.  

WHEN DO THE COOL QUESTIONS START?  

13:00 – “I want to know, are you — obviously, you talk about your — you’re editing videos and stuff like that.  This is just my perception of you.  Tell me if I’m wrong.  You seem like — you’re  like a blue collar guy to me.  You don’t strike me as the college guy and you just learn how to do this kind of stuff.  And I mean that in a good — like not in an insult — like I feel like I relate to you.  You’re the guy I relate to when I watch the videos.  I’m not a college guy and so — like you don’t strike me as –“

Great question.  Cool even.  

So…what is this guy asking?  If Tony went to college?  Yes.  He went to a two year program.  The same college that Terri Schiavo went to.  He got an associate’s degree.  I guess.  I thought that associate’s degrees more or less disappeared by the 1980s but maybe not.  Anyway, do your fucking research.  How come I know all of this?  I’m not a Tony from Hack the Movies fan.  But this guy started the interview with a meandering “question” saying that he’s a Tony from Hack the Movies fan.   

And which one of the people on Cinemassacre is the intellectual juggernaut?  Fucking seven and a half years of special education James Rolfe?  Art school Mike Matei?  Have ANY of these Screenwave people completed a four year degree?  I don’t think so.  Kieran definitely not.  Justin, maybe.  

It’s completely bizarre.  He thinks that Special Ed James is too much of an intellectual.  

And he prefers the more “blue collar” Tony from Hack the Movies.  

NONE OF THESE PEOPLE ARE FROM THE LANDED GENTRY, YOU FUCKING MORON.  THEY ALL COME FROM WORKING CLASS FAMILIES.

You know, people talk about what a rich family Mike Matei had.  Can it really be possible?  His mother was an airline stewardess.  I don’t know what his father did but I’d be surprised if he was some wealthy industrialist and married to an airline stewardess.

Anyway, Tony says that he did in fact go to college but neglects to say that it was a two year degree.  Fortunately, I’m here to set the record straight.

Oh, in the next meandering, confusing question Tony says that he went to three colleges.  He went to some local college for the first two years, then transferred to the community college that Terri Schiavo went to, then went to Temple University.  But he didn’t graduate because he couldn’t do the mathematics classes.  

So…I assume he was doing a four year degree but he transferred schools.  Twice.  He went to two community colleges (presumably for the first two years) and then transferred to a university but wasn’t able to pass the math classes so didn’t graduate.  

I had a similar problem.  You needed to take an algebra class.  So I took the fucking lowest algebra class that was offered and failed twice.  Then I thought, “I’m going to try taking it in the summer next time” because the summer classes are always easier.  

So I found a guy who passed everybody.  He wasn’t even a professor.  He was just some guy off the street who was looking for work.  He thought that doing a summer class would be a lark, make a little money, and whatever.  So I passed.  

I did the same thing for Spanish.  I failed the first time so after that, I took all of the classes in the summer.  Summer classes are easier.  And I found the professor who passes everybody.

Indeed, I chose my major based on finding a professor who passes everybody.  I took like half of my classes with this guy.  

It was all a giant waste of time and money.  I never had a job that required a degree.  But at least I can say that I have a degree, for what little that’s worth.

18:00 – “No one has ever asked me for proof of a degree.”

Yeah.  Exactly.  It’s a total waste of time.

21:15 – This guy refers to Justin Silverman as “Crusty Justy.”

Who is the audience for this?  The faggots from TheCinemassacreTruth on Reddit?  Nobody else would know what this means.  Nobody would know who he’s talking about.  

This is fucking terrible.  This is the world’s worst interview.  Has this guy written ANYTHING down?  We’re over twenty minutes in and he hasn’t asked a SINGLE cool question.  Nothing even approaching cool.  It’s just weird, meandering, bullshit off the top of his head and then Tony just says whatever because he can’t make sense of this shit either.  This is trash.

21:45 – This guy is non-ironically saying that he’s a big fan of Tony from Hack the Movies.  He’s talking about how much Rental Reviews changed his life.  What the fuck is this?  Not even Tony is buying this.

I’m 30 minutes in now.  Not a single cool question.  Not even a comprehensible question.

30:00 – Tony reveals that in the Leaving Las Vegas episode of The Angry Video Game Nerd, they filmed themselves separately, in front of a green screen, even though James was there, with Tony, while Tony was filming his part in the film.

What the fuck?  Why didn’t they just film together then?  What is Rainman’s fucking problem?  

They’re in the same fucking room, Jimmy already filmed his part for whatever bizarre reason, and then he just watches while Tony films his part?  It makes no fucking sense.  But Jimmy is so petrified of covid that he has to maintain six feet from everybody at all times.

35:00 – Shout out to Newt Wallen, but not by name.  He’s talking about the origins of Hack the Movies in 2010.  “I had a friend who worked in a movie theatre.  He would let us see movies early.”

43:30 – Tony is talking about wanting to have Mike Matei back on the show.  Then he says, “I want to have Erin back on the show too.  She was pretty good.”

You can read all about that disaster here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/josie-and-pussycats-is-great-satire.html

43:45 – This moronic interviewer says, “I love Crystal on the show.”  He notes her “great sense of humour” as the reason he likes her.

Uh huh.

Anyway, I’m done.  I made it to 45 minutes.  This man couldn’t think of a cool question to save his life.

Here’s some stuff that I would ask Tony.  Just off the top of my head.  If I was doing this for real, I’d take time to think of good questions.

1.  Tell me about growing up in rural Pennsylvania.

2.  Did you ever consider leaving rural Pennsylvania?  Seeing what the rest of the world has to offer?

3.  Was Terri Schiavo a frequent topic of discussion when you attended Bucks County Community College?

4.  Is Youtube what you were hoping to do when you were in college?

5.  Why do you think there was such a negative reaction to your appearance in the Cinemassacre videos?  Do you think that this is the general consensus or just limited to Reddit?  How much of a role do you think your weight played in the negative reaction?

6.  Newt Wallen says that he wasn’t paid for appearing on Hack The Movies.  Is this true?  Do the co-hosts of the show get paid?  Is it a fair amount?

7.  Why do you continue to put Crystal Quin on the show, knowing that she’s horrible and only talks about hot chicks who she wants to have sex with?  

8.  Do you feel at all bad about taking money from people who you know are mentally challenged?  

9.  What happened with Newt Wallen anyway?  You’ve known him for like 20 years and then you completely disassociate with him over plagiarising shitty movie reviews?  Is there more to this story that isn’t being disclosed?

10.  What does the future hold for Tony from Hack the Movies?  Do you think that you might just get a job one day like a normal person and give up on this Youtube nonsense?  Or are you going to be 60 years old and still conning the mentally challenged out of pennies by having a geriatric Horseface McGee on the show?