Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY9TqWdCdiE

0:00 – Wikipedia dot com.  She hasn’t done this in a while.  I’m so *nostalgic* for Erin reading the Wikipedia article.

Oh yeah.  Shoutout to Wanpaku Graffiti.  A game that she played on stream, for money.  Of course.  Also a Youtube video.

Still no “sexy” costume from Erin.  

1:00 – “It still feels like Castlevania but like a cute version of Castlevania.”

Oh.  We’re doing this again.

“I like parodies of games like cute parodies.  Kind of like Parodius, Alex Kidd in Shinobi World, Splatterhouse Wanpaku Graffiti, I love it.”

Those are all games that she’s played on stream, for money and/or done Youtube videos of.  And this is the second time in this video that she’s mentioned Alex Kidd in Shinobi World and Wanpaku Graffiti.

By the way, she used to just call the game Wankpaku Graffiti and that was the cause of much amusement for me.  But it seems like she’s finally broken down and started calling the game by a more proper title.  Still, I think most people would call that game, “That weird Japanese Splatterhouse game where he looks like a little kid”

You know what?  I’m at 1:45.  I’m going to re-start the video and keep track of how many times she says “cute”.  Do I want to watch this 105 seconds again?  No.  Not at all.  I didn’t even want to watch it the first time.  But it’s all for the sake of journalism.

Six.  We’re up to six references to “cute” already.  We’re not even two minutes in.

2:00 – “Look how cute these bats are.  These are cute bats.”

Eight.

2:30 – Frankenstein has a cute bow in his hair.  Nine.

5:15 – “Those look like blow dryers.”

She’s talking about some switches in the game.  Oh.  X looks like Y.  Funny.

5:30 – “Cute witches.  Cute witches that are actually bitches.”

Eleven.

5:45 – “See, they look cute.”

Twelve.

“They may be cute but they’re evil.”

Thirteen.

She never played this before, by the way.  Or doesn’t seem to have done so.  She’s surprised by everything.  I think that she did stream this before but it must have only been for a few seconds.  She forgot everything.

7:30 – “This is so stressful.”

9:00 – She shakes her tits a few times and says “ooh”.  Clear jack off material for the drooling imbeciles watching this shit.  

Do some investigation into who’s watching this shit.  Her streams and videos.  They’re literally retarded.  They’re sitting there with like a taekwondo head protector on and their hand down their pants.  “That was a cute video Erin!  HUGS!”

I can see them appreciating the repetition.  Her videos are very formulaic.  Things are cute, they’re stressful, X looks like Y, whatever.  

Also talking about colours.  You know.  Keep it simple.  

I used to work with a guy who had severe brain damage and he would have one of those foam puzzles of the alphabet.  You take the letters out and you have to put them back in.  But he was sitting there in his taekwondo helmet.  He couldn’t do the whole fucking alphabet.  So he just had to do “A” and “B”.  We left the rest in.  He would try to eat them for a while but eventually he would manage to put them in correctly.  I imagine that this guy has grown up now and become an Erin Plays fan.

“I’m like really into this game.  It’s good.  Play it if you haven’t.”

Oh.  So like you haven’t.

9:45 – Then she makes a Legend of Zelda reference and shows footage of what she’s talking about.  She played the game recently.  For the first time ever.  For a Youtube video.  For money.

11:00 – “It’s really hard to control.  I’m sure there’s some pro in the comments who’s like, ‘No.  It’s so fucking easy’ and that’s great that you think that but I don’t think that.”

First of all, people rarely leave “negative” comments for her videos.  Because she bans anyone who does.

Secondly, one doesn’t have to be a pro to be able to play this game at a competent level.  She’s playing this, basically, for the first and last time ever.  Of course she’s not going to be good.  And she’s not good at any games because she has no experience with video games and isn’t interested in this shit.

11:30 – “Usually I don’t like ports of retro games because it could be scaled all wrong but I like how right away it’s on the correct scaling.”

How does she know this?  She never played the original.  

Oh, by the way, at the start of this video she showed the cart.  She apparently owns the game.  But she never played it.  I mean…she was surprised by shit on level 2.  She couldn’t have played it before.  Although, again, I do remember her playing this on a stream.  Maybe it was just a “variety stream” for a few seconds.  

12:00 – “I’ve been playing everything like on the real consoles because I’m one of those people.  I like to do it.  But no hate.  Do what you got to do to play the game.  I don’t care.”

Oh yeah.  Erin is a real hardcore “gamer”.

“Personally I always use original hardware and stuff.”

Yeah.  Fucking on stream, for money.  This is a joke.  It’s a pathetic joke.  She plays fucking games on stream, for money.  That’s the ONLY time that she plays games.  And she’s presenting herself as a hardcore “gamer”.  Fuck off.

13:15 – “Cancan girls are cute.”

What are we up to?  Fourteen.

Then she makes a reference to Sunset Riders.  I think that she played this on stream, for money recently.  In a “variety stream”.

15:00 – “I played this the other night like, I don’t know, a few weeks ago.”

It’s just not possible.  If she played it before, why is everything a surprise?  And she’s talking about something on level 4 now.  She was playing the game weeks ago, in her spare time apparently, and something on level 4 bothered her.  So…presumably she got through levels 2 and 3 just a few weeks ago.  Why was everything on level 2 and 3 a surprise to her then?  Why was her gameplay so bad?  

15:00 – “Everything is cute and deadly.”

Fifteen.  So that’s a “cute” every minute.  Really, really interesting commentary.

The carers of her fans are cleaning them up right now.  “I want to give Erin a hug!”  “Not right now, Lennie.  We have to change your underpants.”

15:15 – “Those platforms stress me out.”

17:30 – “You stupid cute seal bastard.”

Sixteen.

23:15 – Then she sucks at the game so she “rage quits”.  Even though she doesn’t actually give a fuck.  But there’s a brief scene of her slamming the table and saying “fuck”.

“I was not expecting this game to piss me off this much.”

I don’t get it.  Did she play the game or not?  She owns the game.  I think that I’ve seen her playing it on a stream.  She talks about remembering some stuff in later levels.  But everything surprises her.  From level 1.  She gets the ice spell and says, “Oh, it freezes enemies.”  This is something that she obviously has never seen before.  And there are loads of examples like this.

I mean…it’s like she both played and hasn’t played this game before.  The games exists in some kind of theoretical third reality.  Schrodinger’s game.

23:45 – After talking about how stressful the game is, she says, “Maybe I’ll come back to this part on stream.”

Well, that is the only way that she plays games.

24:00 – The enemies are cute.

Seventeen.

24:15 – “If you like Castlevania and you want cute Castlevania, then I would totally recommend playing this.”

Eighteen.

Comments.

Oh, Erin pinned her own comment.

– “I misspoke at the 1:12 mark: I know Parodius is a parody of GRADIUS and NOT Galaga. I didn’t catch this while editing and it’s too late now so hopefully this pinned comment will cause a bit less of you to yell at me”

I didn’t even notice it.  She seems overly concerned about making mistakes and whatnot…but…what about all the shit that I mentioned?  And all of the shit that I regularly mention?  She’s concerned with the minutia.  What about the massive problems?  

– “I was just wondering, what attracts you to retro games in particular and how did your interest in them start?”

Did you even watch the video, StaySkeptic?