https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgQPSSoiwTg
What an odd title. I wasn’t even sure if this was an Irate Gamer episode but from skimming the video, it seems to be. I see video game footage, anyway.
But yeah, this bullshit where you just try to piggyback on whatever is popular at the moment…I don’t like it. Rainman did and does the same shit where he makes a video on, whatever, some licensed game to tie in with an upcoming film release of said licence. Shit like this.
I’d prefer reviews of games that aren’t based on licensed properties. But I guess that would require more creativity. And they’re just chasing money anyway. It’s not like this is a passion project. They’re desperate for clicks.
0:00 – Chris BORES playing with some disgusting King Kong and Godzilla toys. Why does King Kong have a huge wound on his arm?
Then he starts hyping the movie. Talks about how people have long wanted to see Godzilla and King Kong in the same movie.
I’m not so sure. We all surely know that King Kong is tiny in comparison to Godzilla. And we already had King Kong Vs Godzilla in 1962. It was disappointing, of course. Is it ever explained why King Kong is so huge in that movie? I should go back to that Tony from Hack the Movies Godzilla podcast to find out the answer to this, but that would be torturous so I’ll just try to DuckDuckGo it.
Fuck. There’s a lot of nerdy answers out there but nothing that I’m going to try to dig through. Let’s just press on.
2:15 – He’s doing some kind of scoring system to find out which video games are better: games featuring Godzilla or games featuring King Kong. There were two NES games featuring Godzilla but no King Kong games so James BORES gives Godzilla one point.
What? Does he want to explain this? It doesn’t make sense. Why would you get a point for that? You’re not even comparing anything. Or if you’re just going to tally up the number of games that each character has, not that that would make any sense, why doesn’t Godzilla get two points?
2:30 – He plays the Godzilla NES game that partially takes place on that hexagonal game board type thing.
By the way, could BORES have shaved before he filmed this? What the fuck is he going for here?
5:30 – “Playing as Mothra sucks crusty ball sacks.”
He’s been doing a lot of scatological “jokes” during this thing but here’s the first instance of a scatological gay sex “joke”. It’s sort of his thing. He’s gay. And likes all kinds of disgusting scat-related gay shit. So…enjoy?
6:00 – “I’m just going to come out and say it.”
Finally. You’re gay. What’s the big deal?
Oh. No, it was just a disgusting scatological “joke” about how Mothra isn’t very good in this game. Disappointing.
You know what I really hate? The repeated shots of Chris BORES pretending to play the game and getting angry. He’s frantically pressing buttons and yelling like a little kid on a sugar high. It’s just a game, BORES. Relax. We don’t need this fake shit. Just review the fucking games.
7:00 – “Fuck you, you tentacle (something, something) shit head.”
Ten bucks to whoever can decipher what he was saying here. Probably something gay.
7:15 – “Through some weird divine intervention, Mothra ends up debating the battle and lives another day.”
Debating the battle? Is that what he said? It doesn’t make sense. I’ve listened to this three times. Is it “evading”? No. It’s “debating”.
“Not sure how that happened but I’ll take it.”
There’s a time limit on these battles. After a certain amount of time has elapsed, the battle ends. It’s not hard to figure out.
8:30 – Chris BORES suggesting taping up the game’s ass and sealing it shut. Huh. There’s so much about the gay sex scene that I just don’t know about. Those gentlemen have thought of everything.
9:15 – “I’d rather take a dump in a deep fryer and watch my turds explode.”
Oh. That’s nice, Chris BORES. Maybe you can try that with your boyfriend. But can you leave this stuff out of the videos.
So we’re now ten minutes into this 22 minute video. We have A LOT of games to get through. Let me check Wikipedia.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Godzilla_games
I count 59 video games. Although, Fall Guys is one of these games so I don’t know if all of these are really Godzilla games or just have some tiny nod to Godzilla in them.
There’s no list of King Kong games but within that Godzilla list, they included about 8 King Kong games in the “related games” section.
So we have a lot of ground to cover. Is he going to go over all of these games in the next twelve minutes? Let’s find out.
10:45 – He starts on Godzilla II on the NES.
He complains about it being a strategy game and compares it to Rampart. I don’t think that that’s really accurate but I don’t know much about Rampart.
I used to play a lot of Koei games. It’s sort of like that, I guess. Or Advance Wars.
I definitely played Godzilla 2 and I liked the concept but for whatever reason, I never got into it. I didn’t care about not playing as Godzilla. It’s cool that you’re playing as the army. It’s something different.
12:30 – “What a bunch of pixels out of my ass.”
I think that he’s said something like this before but I can’t go look this up. I’ve eaten recently.
Then he complains that Godzilla is overpowered. What a fucking idiot.
There was something about the game that I didn’t like. But the idea of playing as the army against Godzilla is a good one. Obviously, a tank is going to be significantly less powerful than Godzilla. That’s where the strategy comes in. It should be an achievement to beat Godzilla. You have to wear him down but of course there will be casualities.
It’s like playing a “shmup” but you’re playing as the army of one hit death enemies taking on this ridiculously overpowered ship. There might actually be a game like that. But that would be cool.
Or Dungeon Master or whatever it is where you play as the titular dungeon master and you have to defend your dungeon against the heroes. I played that game a fair bit.
I like this sort of thing. Turn the conventions around. Do something different.
Then he gives Godzilla another point because the game is expensive. This doesn’t fucking sense. We only have nine minutes left in the video. How is he going to get through 60+ games? And what the fuck does this scoring even mean? We haven’t got to even ONE King Kong game.
God. He keeps showing these disgusting toys. Why do they have huge gaping wounds?
Then he gives a point to King Kong because the Atari cartridge is blue. Or something. He didn’t think this shit out AT ALL. Just forget the stupid scores.
Then he complains that the King Kong game is ripping off Donkey Kong. I don’t even need to comment on this.
But is the King Kong game even officially licenced? I don’t know. Maybe. Couldn’t really find any information.
15:00 – After “reviewing” that Atari game for about 30 seconds, he moves on to King Kong Lives for the Famicom.
Then he gives another point to King Kong for reasons that I can’t understand. What’s the criteria? He’s just giving one point for every game that he’s reviewing.
And this King Kong game doesn’t even look good but he’s going on about how awesome it is.
17:00 – BORES starts reviewing a Godzilla Game Boy game.
17:30 – Game Gear Godzilla game.
18:00 – Playstation Godzilla game.
So then he takes a point away from Godzilla for reasons that not even he knows.
18:45 – Then he goes BACK to the Super NES for some other Godzilla game. Why didn’t he do this in some kind of chronological order?
19:45 – Some cancelled SNES Godzilla game.
Then Godzilla gets another point. It’s just so stupid. Why did he do this? I understand that the idea is that he wants to find out who had the better games but he’s not scoring this shit in any kind of remotely sensible fashion.
20:30 – Bad animation. Bad skit. Bad acting. Bad CGI. And this is how he ends the video.
Then Bomberman gives Chris BORES a bomb so that he can defeat Mecha Chris BORES. What does Bomberman have to do with anything? It’s just so fucking stupid.
And that’s the video. Shout out to Eli Bruner for creating the Mecha Chris BORES sprite. That must have taken him a good twenty minutes to do.
– “I can honestly say the newest irate gamer episode is way better than AVGN’s newest episode.”
This person was making a joke but Chris BORES replies with, “Wow that’s quite the compliment. Many thanks!”. I’m not sure if BORES is in on the joke or not.
I mean, it’s true. I couldn’t even get through that fucking awful AVGN video. At least I was able to watch this Chris BORES video.