I should’ve started with shorter, easier to make videos to get back into regularly creating ✨content✨ but instead I’ve been writing a WAY more in depth script than I had planned. I hope people watch it because I’m so into it! I think it’s done but I still need to film and edit.
if I decide to release some other things in the meantime that are faster to turn around I’ll post an update on patreon. I’m not sure yet. I already captured gameplay so maybe it won’t be too tedious. I’m just so happy the script is finally done!
She’s been writing the script for MONTHS. Can it possibly live up to everyone’s expectations? How is she possibly going to top her last video, “Going through a BIG box of games! NES, N64, SNES and more!” which was so fucking tedious that not even I, somebody who has a professional obligation to watch these videos, could watch more than a couple of minutes of it before turning it off in disgust.
The very idea that Zombie Gums has “scripts” for these videos is insane. It can’t be true. Take a look at this box video, for example.
0:00 – “Hey guys. I recently found this box in my close of games that I’ve been meaning to sort on my shelf but I just haven’t yet so I thought it would be fun to go through this box and see what’s inside.”
THAT was scripted? I mean, maybe it was? I don’t think that she was exactly talking off the cuff because she can’t talk off the cuff. But…this would be described as “scripted material”?
I assume that she just had notes that she jotted down right beforehand to get the verbage right. Or just thought things through in her zombie head before she started recording. But…this was all written out? Possibly months in advance? For this BOX video?
8:00 – I just went here randomly. “I really like Sexy Parodius. I think that is a fantastic game. These are schmups or cute em ups because they are very cute and the art is very colourful.”
THIS WAS SCRIPTED! It puts things in a whole new perspective. I thought that she was just a fucking idiot who would panic and revert to talking about the handful of games that she’s played on stream for money (e.g. Sexy Parodius) and cute things and colours. NO. SHE WROTE THIS OUT.
If she was going to write this out, why wouldn’t she do RESEARCH and mention games that she HASN’T played on stream, for money? Why would she write, “this is really cute” instead of, I don’t know, something that isn’t completely fucking brain dead? She could have just looked at the Wikipedia article of the game for some ideas of what to talk about. No. She wanted to talk about cute things and colours. She actually took the time to write that in a script.
I don’t want to get bogged down in this box video. There’s a reason I didn’t watch it. It was a new low for the channel that never had anything but rock bottom standards to begin with.
Well, actually, let’s check out the comments.
- “Wow. This is bad”
A surprising negative comment. Are people starting to turn?
- “Close your mouth! Every word you say we see your big top teeth. It’s creepy!”
Holy shit. A reference to her zombie gums?
I don’t see it. I always play these videos windowed but even full screen…she has braces, right? She’s had these for a long time, as far as I’m aware.
Maybe there is something fucked up with her teeth. I don’t think that her teeth are big but…I think she has braces and I’m just lazer-focused on her gums now, knowing that she has a corpse’s gums.
Yeah, I think her front teeth are kind of prominent and/or the right tooth next to her front teeth is pushed in. This is part of the reason why she has the braces, I guess. I don’t want to get into this level of detail about somebody’s teeth. It’s ridiculously shallow and nobody’s business. And nobody has perfect teeth, of course. But…it’s just the zombie gums thing. I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m trying to figure out why exactly she got this disgusting procedure done.
Does she even have braces? Or are her teeth just gray? Am I seeing things? I’ve always thought that she had like those “invisible” braces.
Well, anyway, that guy suggested that Erin should keep her mouth closed for the video. It’s preposterous. We’d miss all of her scripted wisdom about cute things, colours, and games that she played once, on stream, for money.
- “is so cute n.n”
Well, there’s a guy who doesn’t mind some “big” teeth and zombie gums.
- “This is a surprise. I haven’t seen one of the Erin Plays videos pop up to watch in a long time”
There are a few comments like this. Erin replies with, “I’m still around.” Erin is so lax with making videos these days that people just assume that she’s done. Which, effectively, she is. The year is nearly half over and she made two videos.
- “Mike is so lucky to have you”
Oh, sure. Zombie Gums over here. What a catch.
- “So have you played Hello Kitty Island Adventure yet? (Yes, it’s a real game!)”
Erin replies with, “lol yes, a little bit. It’s very cute.” She played it on stream, for money, of course. I wonder how long it took Erin to script that reply.
- “You’re so… beautiful.”
Are these people not seeing all the dental issues?
I never saw it either. But now I can’t unsee it. Why did she have to make all of those boastful tweets about her zombie gums? It’s insane.
- “Thanks for going through this box of games Erin!”
It’s just unbelievable. “Thanks for this completely shit, zero effort video, Erin. I’ll take anything.”
I want to see a video about her fucking gums. Is that what this big upcoming video is going to be about? They should have filmed the procedure and then you can have Erin doing like a running commentary over it. Scripted, of course.
They used to show footage of actual surgeries on tv. I never watched it because it was fucking disgusting but I remember my older sister watching it. What channel could possibly have shown that, though? This was probably in the mid to late 1980s. Early days of cable, I guess. We didn’t have HBO or any of the premium channels. Would Public Access have shown something like that? I can’t believe that any channel would. PBS? There had to be some educational angle that they were going for. For any basement surgeons, I guess.
But this zombie gums video could have been like that. Mike is fucking filming this disgusting shit and Erin is completely passed out. It had to be done under general anesthesia, right? Do you want to be conscious when a dentist is carving tissue out of the roof of your mouth and then grafting it onto your putrid gums?
How is Erin going to possibly mention anything “cute” in that scenario? Well, she can focus on the background shit, I guess, like what she does in her normal videos. “That model of teeth is cute. That doctor’s mask reminds me of the kind of blue you’d see in the 2000s. Here I am vomiting blood after the procedure.”
What is she thinking with any of this? Three videos a year? She’s making about $4,000/year. What a life. Living with a man you don’t love for…what? Mike buys her off with video games that she doesn’t give a shit about, trips to visit her parents twice a month, and all of the unnecessary surgery she can handle. This is terrible. Wouldn’t getting a job and being with somebody you like be more fulfilling?
There are women who do this, of course. Get with rich men and use them for their money. But…this is bush league. Mike is giving her Sexy Parodius, domestic flights, and zombie gums. It’s not worth it. You’re going to throw your life away for that?
Anyway, this upcoming video is going to be huge.
Oh, she also posted this on BlueSky for the ten people who read that. And she re-blueskied something from the love of her life: Mike Matei.
“Hey guys! Remember those snap things?”
Yeah. I remember, Mike. Who gives a fuck? They were shit and you’re shit.
I had a friend put a few of them around his porch to prank the mailman. Like he’d step on them, it would make a slight snapping sound and then he’d piss his pants. I doubt anything happened. His mother probably found out and told him to knock it off. And even if he did go through with it, who cares? The mailman isn’t blind and even on the off chance that he did step on one, it probably would just crush, not make any sound.
There was another time, when a different friend brought them for some school band parade practice that we were doing. He was all jazzed about it. He was showing off these snappers and talking about how huge this is going to be. He threw one and then the band director looked right at him and said, “Do you want to die?” What an asshole that band director was. But anyway, that was it for the snapper “fun.”
Holy shit, Mike has sexy ladies responding to his tweets. And her name is “zombiesouffle”. This is too perfect.
https://bsky.app/profile/zombiesouffle.bsky.social
“Fan of movies, tv, and video games.”
Well, that’s…about as boring as it gets, isn’t it?
Huh. Most of her posts are about video games, zombies, and art. Erin better look out. This is right up Mike’s alley. She’s better looking than Erin too. Is this even real? She only has a few posts and this is all like…exactly the sort of shit that Mike would go for. This has to be a prank. She’s going to be making posts about Miles O’Brien next.
Mike isn’t doing much tweeting over on X. Only a few messages this year. But he did feel the need to ask, “Does anyone play Age of Empires 2 a lot?” Umm…no, Mike. I didn’t even play it 25 years ago.
What are some good zombie games that Erin could play on stream, for money? There’s loads. What about Organ Trail?
Oh, there was some shitty movie with the same name recently so now the search results are clogged with that shit. But yeah, the game still exists. I’m sure that Erin would have a blast streaming that and talking about how cute it is and pointing out the various colours.
Let me just Google “zombie games.” Oh, yeah. Left 4 Dead. I played that for a while. But then when Left 4 Dead 2 came out like a year later, I started my boycott against Valve which is still ongoing. Never bought another Valve game again and never will. It helps that that I don’t even think they released any games after that.
But yeah, I didn’t really like it. I don’t like zombie games but this isn’t about me. This is about Erin, who’s a serious “gamer” and big into zombies. So much so that she’s transforming herself into a zombie, starting with the gums.
Zombies Ate My Neighbors. I never played it but it looks like shit every time Mike plays it, which is regularly.
Oh yeah. Typing of the Dead. That would be a good one for Erin. It’s not “stressful”. I played it a few times years ago.
What’s that fucking series that Kieran always talked about? I’m not seeing it on these lists of zombie games. I know that it’s a popular series, though. Maybe it’s not a zombie game.
DayZ. I was going to get it years ago but I never wanted to bother with those sorts of games where you bang a rock against a tree and then some guy with a sniper rifle kills you. It doesn’t sound like fun to me.
Oh, Resident Evil. That’s the series. I never played any of that shit.
Plants vs Zombies. I played that a lot. The first one was great. Then it became a cash grab mobile game. There was also a Chinese version which was different.
Red Dead Redemption, that zombie version. I never played Red Dead Redemption either. I played all of the Grand Theft Auto games but…I don’t like them. So I don’t know why I played them so much.
Oh, Minecraft has zombies, I guess. That’s a natural for Erin then. She could repeat the same three “jokes” that the homos on Reddit beat to death from that Minecraft video of Mike’s.
Doom has zombies? I guess they do. I don’t really think of those soldiers as zombies.
Half-Life? We’re really stretching the definition of “zombie”. I guess that the headcrab guys are zombies but come on.
They Hunger? There were so many great mods for Half-Life. I never even heard of this one. You couldn’t keep up. There were hundreds. I used to play some Matrix-type mod. It was good but I didn’t play it a whole lot.
And Garry’s Mod. I don’t even know what it was but I still got it. I see that they’re selling it now but I don’t know if it was free back in the day or what. Was this just for Half-Life 2? Maybe. Half-Life 2 didn’t have nearly as many mods as the original Half-Life did. I think because the original game was so much easier to make mods for.
And by “mods”, I mean full games. “Total conversions”, if you prefer.
Zombie games have really exploded in popularity in the past 10 or 15 years. But I’m not seeing anything that focuses on the gums. There’s a real gap in the market. Erin described the procedure as “frankesteined”. The Frankenstein monster was a zombie, I guess. Surely, somebody has made a Frankenstein game where you get to make the monster.
Oh, Castlevania has…probably zombies but also Frankenstein. Maybe Erin can appreciate the game on a new level now, the next time she plays it on stream, for money.
But according to this recent Reddit post, no, there aren’t any games where you can build a monster.
Wait, no, he mentions Creature Lab. Mixed reviews on Steam but it seems to be the sort of thing I was looking for. Also Iratus. Some roguelike.
So some good ideas for old Zombie Gums. And we can all look forward to that big upcoming video she has planned. The script is huge. She doesn’t just shit them out in a day like Newt, she takes months to carefully craft her Youtube video scripts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF6EgSM5TlA
I won’t embed this video because the thumbnail is vile but it’s the LEAST disgusting video that I saw about gum grafts. And even that OBNOXIOUS AS FUCK so-called dential hygenist is clearly a little digusted by the procedure and you have to imagine that she’s seen some shit.