Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdyRroOd5_k

Erin Plays: The Lies Continue

54:15 

Erin: A new Wave Race game?  Wave Race makes me so upset.  It’s like I know it’s good, I just physically…I can’t.  I can’t.

Mike: You have to practice it a bunch.

Erin: For like 30 hours.

Mike: No.  It’s a game that you have to like play every day and get good at it.  

Erin: Yeah, that’s true.

Mike: It’s a game that you’re supposed to like play with your friends after school every day and then you get good at it gradually.  It’s not like pop on and be amazing.

Erin: Well then I want none of it.  Just kidding.

She wasn’t kidding.  And she thinks that playing a game for 30 hours is a long time.  She’s never played a game for 30 hours in her life.  Think about that.  She’s never played the combined N64 library for 30 hours.

54:45 

Mike: There are a lot of games that I love on the Nintendo 64.

Erin: Yeah.  I wouldn’t say “a lot” but you like a few of them.

Mike: I can name a bunch of games that I love on the Nintendo 64.

Erin: Okay.  Alright.

Mike: Do you want me to name some?

Erin: Yeah.  And then I’m going to name some.  Your list might be longer than mine actually.

This is insane.  Erin couldn’t name three games on this system, excluding the ones that she’s played today on stream, for money.  Actually, I’ll even allow the games that she’s played here on stream, for money.  She probably forgot them already.  

And Mike is clearly annoyed at her absolutely idiotic, clueless comments.

So then Mike named about five games and Erin got increasingly uncomfortable and, as usual, pretended to know what games he was talking about.

55:30 – Mike says, “What are some N64 games that you like, Erin?”

I can’t believe that he’s actually doing this.  He’s actually going to take her to task on this.  Expose her for the total fraud that she is.

She had to think about it for a good while.

Erin: I like the ones that I grew up with.   I like Yoshi’s Story and Mario 64 and Bust a Move 99

Mike: Yeah…

Erin: And…Mario Kart 64.  All the Mario shit, I like.

Mike: Mm hmm.

Erin: So you won.  You like it more than I do.

Holy shit what an awful answer.  Do I even need to explain this one?  Bust a Move is a game that she’s only played on stream, for money.  And she played it recently, on stream, for money.  And then it’s just her usual Yoshi and Mario 64.  

She strained to come up with Mario Kart 64.  And then she just said, “Oh, I like the Mario games.  All of them.”

Such as?  Give some examples.  

Here’s another idea: name some Nintendo 64 games that DON’T feature characters from the Mario universe.  She couldn’t do it.  She doesn’t know the games.  She’s never played any of them.  This is all a giant lie.  

So then Mike stares at her for a while.  Erin says, “At least for now”, whatever that means.  And then Mike says, “So let’s play Hercules.”

He’s clearly annoyed with this shit.  How does he stand it?  Every day with Erin is just one huge lie and he knows it.  The interest in video games is a lie.  The interest in him is a lie.  Why does he do it?  Is his self-esteem that low?  Is he just that desperate for buttsex?  Any normal person would have sent Erin back to her mama ages ago.

It’s like Mike thinks that he’s trapped with this shit.  He isn’t.  He’s free to do whatever the fuck he wants.  

Mike is independently wealthy.  And he doesn’t have a job.  Not in the traditional sense, anyway.  He has no responsibilities.  He’s done with Jimmy Rolfe.  

What’s keeping him in New Jersey?  

Here’s what Mike should do.  Sell his home.  Sell all of his bullshit that he doesn’t want.  Then move to the Philippines.  You can get a visitor visa and then you just keep extending this visa every two months.  Something like this.  Or you can get a retirement visa.  From a quick perusal, all you need to be is over 35 years of age and deposit $20,000 into a Philippine bank account.  

Then he can stream from the Philippines.  The cost of living is very low.  He’d be living like a king even if this Twitch income is fairly modest.  And then he can get a hot Filipina girlfriend.  Or multiple girlfriends.  Whatever you’re into.  

Maybe marry one of these women and then you’re good to go.  Less visa hassle.  

Why not?  Why is he not doing this?  Why is he sitting in New Jersey with this fucking middling attractive (at best) 33 year old complete fraud who doesn’t have a brain in her head?  

I mean, he would not even have to try to get a date.  Women would be approaching him.  It’s a poor country.  He’d be a relatively wealthy white man.  And an American.  This is what these women are looking for.  And he’s not that old.  There are 70 year old dudes with 20 year old women in the Philippines.

Would these women be using him for his money and possibly hoping to move to the US?  Yes, of course.  But Erin is using him.  Wouldn’t it be better to be used by a hot Filipina?  And as long as he knows the score, he wouldn’t have to be taken advantage of too much.  He could go out with a different woman every night.  He’d be drowning in pussy.  

Or he can just find a nice woman there, somewhere near his league, who has a decent job, and they could get married.  

But no.  He’s going to stay in New Jersey and waste his life on Erin of all people.  This fucking moron.  This total fraud.  This woman who’s making a complete fool of him for the whole world to see.

56:45 – Speaking of which, Mike leaves to get his Elmo puppet.

57:30 – Erin says, “So I have a confession.  Some of you already know this.  But when I was really little, I liked Xena a lot.  I also watched a little bit of Hercules but Xena was where my heart was.”

She played the Xena game for 30 seconds on this stream.  That’s how much Xena is “where her heart is.”

“Oh yeah.  I also like Pokemon Snap.  That’s another one.”

I can’t believe this.  The horntards are actually reminding Erin of which Nintendo 64 games she likes.

59:45 – Mike is back with his Elmo puppet.

He wouldn’t be doing this in the Philippines, that’s for damn sure.  He’d have two naked chicks next to him, dancing, wearing only an Elmo head.  THEY would be trying to entertain HIM, not the other way around.  

1:02:45 – Erin can’t follow what Mike is saying because she’s an idiot.  So Mike gives up and leaves.

She’s totally incapable of having a conversation.  

Then some horntard gave another ten subscriptions.  That’s $50.

1:07:15 – “Did I ever watch Young Hercules?  No, I didn’t.”

You don’t say.

“Oh, Ryan Gosling was on that?  Was he Young Hercules?  I know that he was in Goosebumps and The Mickey Mouse Club with Britney”.

It’s total trash.  This is all that she can talk about.  Disney and Britney Spears.  

He could definitely find a more intelligent and a more interesting woman in the Philippines.  And I don’t know how popular McDonald’s is over there but he could be going to Jollibee every fucking day.  

I went out with a woman from the Philippines once.  She was a nurse.  She was completely nuts but she was reasonably attractive.  Then she sent me like 20 pictures of her feet.  I don’t know why.  I didn’t ask for them.  This is just what they do in the Philippines, I guess.  

1:08:15 – Then Mike chooses Mario 64.  I think that he’s just trolling Erin some more.  She said that this was one of her favourite games on the system so let’s see how she does.

Erin then says, “You hate this game.  I don’t want to play it with you.”

Pathetic.  She’s trying to weasel out of this.

1:09:15 – Metal Mario comes out and Erin says, “Is he made of cement”?

Erin has never played any of the Smash Bros games.

“What’s happening here?  Is he made out of tin?”

I want to see Erin play this game.  She clearly does not want to.  She’s not even looking at it.  She’s just looking at the chat.

1:09:30 – She’s reading from the chat.

Erin: “This doesn’t look right.  I have a different version.”

Mike: What one did you have?  

Erin: I don’t know.  Is this the one that you had?

Mike: Yes.

Erin: Maybe I’m remembering wrong.  Maybe you’re right.

Mike: What are you remembering?

Erin: I don’t know.  I remember it looking more Mario-looking.  And like he wasn’t made of metal.

Mike: Wait, you’ve never heard of Metal Mario?

Erin: (long pause) No…

(Mike smiles)

Erin:  I think that my parents got my N64 at Montgomery Wards.

Mike: Oh really?  Is that true?

Erin: Yeah.  (nervous laugh).

Mike: I thought that you got it at K-B.

Erin: No.  I got it…I don’t think so.  I remember there being video games at K-B.

This should be every video.  Every video should be Mike calling Erin out for being a fraud.  She’s completely clueless.  

Mike turns the game off.  Erin refused to play it.

1:11:15 

Mike: You like Bomberman, right?

Erin: I played it a little on stream and I thought that it was intersting.

Mike: Do you want to show it to me?

Erin: Sure.  I don’t know what to do.  It’s kind of like the Mario 64 version of Bomberman.  Like you run around.  Like it’s not a normal Bomberman game.

What she’s saying doesn’t make any sense because she doesn’t know anything about video games.  But Mike is taking her to task again.  Show us noobs how good you are at Bomberman, Erin.

Then Erin refuses to play because the game is in Japanese.  Not that it matters.  You don’t need to follow the story.

1:12:45 – Erin talks about Bomberman Hero.  She’s not sure if the game she’s playing is Bomberman Hero or not.  

Erin: The one I was thinking of is Bomberman Hero.  

Mike: Oh, was it?  Let’s see if I have that.

Erin: Maybe that was it.

She doesn’t have a fucking clue and Mike is sticking it to her.  She’s getting assistance from the horntards on these video game questions that she can’t answer.

She’s terrible at the game.  She clearly has never played it before.

A plane takes off about 30 seconds into the game and Erin says, “Oh my god”.  She’s never seen this before?  She said that she’s played this game.

“I don’t know where to go.  I think that this is what I’ve played a little bit of.”

And Mike is just looking smug.

Erin doesn’t know where to go, keeps dying, and keeps taking the same exact path and dying.

1:16:00 – “I kind of like it.”

She clearly has never played the game before and has NO IDEA what she’s doing.  But she likes it.

Erin: It would be fun to play this on my own for a bit.

Mike: Let’s play it right now.

Mike called out her lies again.  

Erin says, “Well, I get self-conscious sometimes.”

She wants no part of this.  

1:16:30 – Mike says, “Somebody is going to say ‘Erin is no good at Bomberman from 1997’.  If that’s what the person is saying, they have no fucking life.”

But you see that this is a fraud, right?  It’s not that she’s not good at this particular game, which she isn’t, she’s not good at ANY game.  Because this is all a giant scam.  She’s not interested in video games.  

1:17:00 – In a nerd voice, Mike says, “She doesn’t have the right to play this game.  I bet that she never even had a Nintendo 64.”

I think that I’m getting a shout out.  But it’s true.  She didn’t.  This is all a fraud.  He knows this.  

1:17:30 – Erin says, “Game over.  So that’s Bomberman Hero.”

She doesn’t want to play this.  At all.  Even though not 30 seconds earlier, she said that the game was fun and she’d like to play it.

1:17:45

They’re moving on to Bust A Move.  I’ll stop there for now.  Tomorrow will be the thrilling conclusion of this four part epic series.