Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBhUlLmJnMU

Starts off with her usual awkward pointing at Mike when she introduces him.  

Just once I want Erin to jump into Mike’s lap, give him a big kiss, and exclaim, “Tonight I’ll be playing video games with this fabulous man right here, the love of my life: Mike Matei!”

Then Mike awkwardly waves as usual.

0:15 – Erin “thinks” that it was her chat regulars who introduced her to this game.  Why isn’t she sure?  Where else would she learn about this?

By the way, Erin is wearing a Smokey the Bear shirt.  Hey guys!  Remember Smokey the Bear?

Vaguely?  He was gone by 1990, surely.  So if I only vaguely remember him, and I’m ten years older than Erin, why is she such a big Smokey the Bear fan?  

According to Wikipedia, Smokey the Bear’s popularity peaked in the 1950s or 1960s.  It makes sense.  I mean…how important is his message these days to the youth of America?  Are many kids going to camping and starting fires?  Is that a popular activity any more?  It wasn’t when I was a kid.  But in earlier generations, going camping was a popular vacation option.  And the Boy Scouts were more popular.  And Boy Scouts actually did wilderness stuff, as opposed to the urban stuff of later generations.

If you search Youtube, it’s mostly commercials from the 1950s through to 1985.  So this accords with my memory.  The 1985 part, anyway.

So yeah.  Erin has never seen a Smokey the Bear advertisement IN HER LIFE.  But here she is with a Smokey the Bear shirt.  More *nostalgia* from shit that happened before she was born.

2:45 – “I’m good Sergio.  How are you?”

I know that Sergio isn’t a native English speaker but you’d think that he would come up with a different question by now.  Erin gives the same fucking answer every time.

3:30 – “Now you can stream awesome, awesome games forever like…whatever Jackrabbit.”

Erin struggled to think of a SINGLE game.  And then the game that she did come up with, she didn’t even know the title.

I still can’t believe how shitty that shelf is.  Without actually seeing the shelf, this looks like a ridiculously petty comment.  But just look at that shelf and you’ll have to agree.  It’s ridiculous.

And for some reason, looking at Mike’s plain black t-shirt that he wears semi-regularly, I’m reminded of the Pac-Man shirt that Erin got for him.  He wore it one time and noted that Erin got it for him.  It was yellow and had a bunch of little Pac-Man symbols all over it.  It looked like a woman’s shirt.  I was laughing my ass off.  I wrote about it but this was a while ago and it’s gone.  I wish I knew what video it was.  He never wore the shirt again.

4:15 – Mike starts talking about how this game looks like it could be an arcade game from the 80s or 90s.  Erin agrees wholeheartedly.  “Oh for sure!”

I have no idea why he’s saying this.  It’s a platform game.  This is a genre closely associated with consoles, not arcade games.  But of course Erin agrees with Mike.  She’ll agree to anything because she doesn’t know anything about anything.

7:15 – Erin makes a reference to My Neighbor Totoro.  She was 1 year old when this was released.

Maybe Erin being *nostalgic* for a time before she was born is some kind of self-loathing thing.  She liked things better when she wasn’t around.

10:15 – Mike asks Erin who would win in a fight: Heathcliff or Garfield.  Erin pauses for a long time, frantically thinking of a way out of this one, and then she says, “See, I feel like you would think Heathcliff but I feel like Garfield would win.”

WHY?  GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER, ERIN!  THIS ISN’T CHALLENGING STUFF.

She can’t do it because she doesn’t know anything about either character.

Why would she?  It’s before her time.  The Heathcliff cartoon was cancelled when she was 1 year old.  She was 6 when Garfield and Friends was cancelled.  And I don’t think that she read any of the comic strips.  She’s of an age when people stopped buying newspapers.

So she knows absolutely nothing about either character.  Rather than simply say that, she gives this ridiculously bad answer.

12:00 – They’re talking about Superman versus Batman.  After talking about how she thinks that Batman is better, Erin finally admits, “I don’t know much about Superman, to be fair.”

She doesn’t know ANYTHING about Superman.  Or Batman.  Or anything.  She doesn’t know where she is.  She doesn’t know what she’s doing.  “Why am I holding this cup?  Why do I have a a shirt with this weird bear on it?  Who took my false teeth?”

12:30 – “When it comes to superhero stuff, the most I know is probably Batman.”

Tell us all that you know about Batman, Erin.  I think that she just did.

13:15 – “Where do we stand on Superman 3?  I never saw it.”

You don’t say.

And this is after she got through saying that the only thing she knows about Superman is that she saw “the first one”.  And what she was talking about was the 2013 movie.  

Mike then goes into a nerdy discussion about the old Superman cartoon series and that they should watch it together.  Erin gives her usual, “That’s cool” reply.

Mike then says, “With Richard Pryor”.  Erin stares at him blankly.  She doesn’t know who Richard Pryor is.

14:15 – She’s reading from the chat.  “Batman : The Animated Series is really good?  Yeah.  Well, I wasn’t talking about Batman.  I like Batman.”

The horntards are trying to help you out, Erin.   Batman: The Animated Series.  Remember that?  You’re a big Batman fan, right?  Did you see the cartoon from the early 90s?  Of course you didn’t.

“I watched the animated series as a kid and like…I don’t know.  I’ve always liked Batman.”

Good contribution.  What exactly did you like about the cartoon?  She never fucking saw it before.  She’s lying.  That’s all that she does.

What do you like about Batman?  There are a million ways to answer this.  Tell us.  Give us something.  His cute costume?  What?  Anything.  No.  She can’t answer this AT ALL because she knows absolutely NOTHING about Batman.

“That’s like one of the only superhero things where I’ve like read the comic.  A lot of them.”

Which ones, Erin?  Do you have a favourite story arc?  Who’s your favourite villain?  Tell us.  Come on.  Don’t be bashful.  Tell us about your love for Batman.  You’ve read A LOT of the comics.  Go on.  

She never read a single comic.  These are all lies.  That’s why she can’t contribute to this AT ALL.

“Like Year One.  Killing Joke.”

Holy shit.  She actually made a reference.  But then Mike interrupted.  No.  Mike.  Shut the fuck up.  I want Erin to tell us all about Year One and Killing Joke.

By the way, Erin is playing the game and she’s HORRIBLE at it.  Unbelievably bad.  She can’t even get to the first platform.

15:30 – “Speaking of superheroes, for some reason I do want to see the new Suicide Squad.”

Why?  She has no interest in comic book shit.  Let me look this up.  It must be a reference to something that she did on stream, for money.

Yeah, it features Harley Quinn, a character who she dressed up as for some shitty streams.

16:00 – She keeps dying because her gameplay abilities are HORRIBLE.  “What level is this anyway?”

Good question.  I think it’s level 3.  

Then she ragequits.

18:00 – “We like this game.  It’s very interesting.”

This is the first time that Erin has played the game.  And she’s REALLY, REALLY, INCREDIBLY, SUPER BAD at it.  But she likes it.  And she’ll never play it again in her entire life unless it’s on stream, for money.

19:30 – Erin starts talking about how different coffee varieties give her diarrhoea.  This shit video is giving me diarrhoea.

20:00 – Erin starts talking about the background.  Nobody on earth gives a fuck.  

20:30 – Somebody in the chat asks her what her favourite game that she plays with Mike is.  Erin says, “Like the game that I like to play with him the most?  I don’t know.”

Even the concept is mind-blowing to Erin.  “You mean actually playing a game with Mike?  Like for real?  Not on stream?  What are you talking about?”

Then she asks Mike for an answer.  He doesn’t have one.  They don’t fucking play games together.  Only on stream, for money does this happen.

So then Erin says Pokemon Snap.  This is a single player game that they recently played on stream, for money.  

“We’ve played a lot of stuff together.”

On stream, for money.  

Mike then suggests Atari.  Erin says, “Yeah, we have a lot of fun playing Atari together.”

On stream, for money.

Erin claims that they’ve played Contra together a few times NOT on stream.  I don’t believe this for even one second. 

I’m done with this.  It’s just a pack of lies.  There’s another hour.  Let me see what else they play at least.

43:45 – Some Japanese game called Flying Hero.  

“I am wearing a Smokey the Bear shirt.”

We’ve already discussed this one.

It’s a “schmup”.  

Erin is pointing out “cute” shit in the background.

54:15 – Madden 96.  

54:30 – Erin says “Jock Jams”.  Hey guys!  Remember Jock Jams?

She literally said “Hey guys!  Remember Jock Jams” in a recent video.  

Oh, it was in the Power Pad 2.0 video.

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/07/dance-dance-revolution-disney-dancing.html

That video is a big failure, by the way.  So hopefully we won’t see a part 3 where she “reviews” the Playstation Power Pad thing.

They turn it off before even playing the game.

55:00 – “Dirt racer?  What’s dirt racer?  It’s going to be about racing cars in the dirt.”

I’m going to guess that it’s about motorbikes, actually.  Let’s see who’s right.

“Gradius 3?  Well, you know that I love Gradius 3.”

Oh sure.  You played it once.  On stream, for money.  Poorly.  She “loves” it.

Oh, it is about cars.  That’s surprising.

“Look at the sad face”

She’s pointing out “cute” shit in the background again.  This is all she can do.  

58:00 – Rendering Ranger.  

“Oh look at this.  He’s a bug.”

What?  It’s clearly a robot.  She thinks that it’s a bug.

This is a Contra clone.  Let’s see if Erin mentions Contra.

Nothing so far.  But she’s REALLY bad at the game.  No surprises there.

“This kind of reminds me of Super Turrican and I can’t tell you why.”

Super Turrican, you say.  That obscure game that Erin played on stream, for money.  Let’s check the archives.

I’m not seeing it but she definitely played it, maybe in a “variety stream”.  

You guys all know Super Turrican, right?  

No…but let me look this up.  Oh.  A Contra clone.  

Why didn’t she just say Contra?  Why did she say Super Turrican?  She doesn’t even realise that Super Turrican is an obscure game.  She doesn’t know which games are well-known and which games are obscure.  She’s completely clueless about video games.

1:00:00 – She thinks that Ed 209 (or some nerd shit that Mike was talking about) is “cute” and she wants a figurine of said character.

1:00:45 – After dying repeatedly by falling into pits, she hands the controller to Mike and says, “Do you want to try it?  It’s fun.”

Yeah.  I envision Erin putting hundreds of hours into this game.

1:01:45 – Somebody in the chat says, “When is the watch party for 70s House?”  Erin says, “Have you heard of 70s House, Mike?”

She mentioned this recently, upon the prompt by the horntards.  She never saw it before.  

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2021/03/erin-plays-and-mike-matei-stream-boom.html

“Have I watched The 70s House? I haven’t yet. I need to show Mike that show.”

That was in March 2021.  The show aired in 2005.  Erin said just a few months ago that she never saw this show from 15+ years ago.  Has she seen it subsequently?  Why now?  And where would she even see it?  I don’t imagine that it’s on Netflix or anything.  I’m not finding any torrent.  

Oh.  The first episode is on Vimeo.  I don’t know about the remaining nine episodes.  It’s a “reality” show featuring *nostalgia* from the 1970s.  Just to remind everybody, Erin was born in 1987.

She doesn’t even know about stuff that happened in her lifetime.  She hasn’t watched any of the popular shows from the 1990s or 2000s.  She hasn’t seen any of the popular movies from the 1990s or 2000s.  She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.  

But she’s *nostalgic* for the 1970s.  Or so she claims.  This week.  She’ll be on to some other fake interest next week.  

1:02:00 – Erin says, “It was a short-running Mtv reality show in like the early 2000s.  Nobody remembers it and I spent one summer watching a lot of it wasn’t even that good but I just watched it because I was like, ‘Oh, the 70s, that’s cool.'”

Does Erin not remember what she said in March of this year?  

“Have I watched The 70s House? I haven’t yet. I need to show Mike that show.”

1:02:45 – Moving swiftly on from that lie, they’re talking about Legendary Axe.  Mike recently played this game on stream, for money.  

Erin compares the game to Astyanax.

Hey guys!  Remember Astyanax?

No.  Erin must have recently played this one on stream, for money.

Oh, what do you know?

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/06/astyanax-nes-erin-plays.html

God, the archive is such a great resource.  Future historians will thank me.

She made a Youtube video of this obscure game.  She played it once, for the purposes of this video, and then never again.  And she must have prepared this reference ahead of time.

Mike: You’ve played a lot more Astyanax than I did.

Erin: Because I’m crazy.  

SHE’S PLAYED IT ONCE, MIKE!  STOP AIDING HER LIES!  THIS IS NOT HELPING HER BECOME A NORMAL, FUNCTIONING, MORAL PERSON.

1:04:45 – Mike is talking about Little Sampson.  He says, “You should play that.”  Erin replies, “I should stream that.”

She constantly conflates the words “play” with “stream” because the only time that she ever plays videos games is on stream, for money.

Let’s move on from these lies.  

1:09:00 – The chat are giving game suggestions.  One is Jim Power.

Erin: I actually really like Jim Power on umm…I forget which one I like better.  But there’s one that I actually really like.

Mike: Really?

Erin: Yeah.  I actually like it.  Shishi, do you remember which one I liked?  Was it the Genesis one or the Super Nintendo one?

She actually has to ask that pathetic degenerate Shishi about her own game preferences.  She can’t remember because she only played the game once, on stream, for money.  

So then Mike puts the game on.  Erin dies IMMEDIATELY and clearly has no idea what she’s doing.  Then she says, “Okay, I don’t think it’s this one.”

Presumably then, she’s an absolute pro at the Genesis version.  I’ll look forward to that stream.  No death Jim Power stream from Erin.

Then she says, “Hang on.  I have to look something up.”  She goes to Google and then says, “I think it’s the Genesis one that I like.”

Oh, who would have guessed.  So it’s NOT the game that you have access to right now.  It’s the game that you can’t be tested on.  What a shame.

Let me see what the Genesis game is like.

Identical.  The game is identical to the Super Nintendo one.  And Erin clearly has never played the Super Nintendo game.  She died immediately.  Numerous times.  I don’t think that she managed to kill a single enemy.  She had no idea what was going on.  

But she likes the game.  The Genesis version, anyway.  Which is identical to the Super Nintendo game.  

And to further illustrate what a compulsive liar Erin is, here’s my review of when she played Jim Power on stream, for money:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/09/bob-run-saber-and-jim-power-on-snes.html

This was September 2020.  And it was the SNES version.  And she played it for 10 minutes.  And she died immediately.  To the first enemy.  Just like she did in her second attempt at this game, almost a year later, on stream for money.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hq8DiOY7do8

Go to 1:30:00.  Erin compares the game to Super Turrican.  Is that the only game she knows?  

She dies repeatedly.  To every enemy.  At every pit.  Sometimes repeatedly to the same enemy or the same pit.  

“What is this game?  This is Jim Beam.  No, wait.  What is it?  Jim Power.”

She doesn’t know the difference between Kentucky bourbon and video games.  I’ve reached my daily limit for this lying bitch.