Gamer Girls

This was posted five days ago? Time really flies.

So Newt was promoting this video…nearly a week ago, apparently. PVC Bondage Guy was too. It was a big secret. They couldn’t talk about it. We just had to wait to watch the video. What do you think is going to happen? My guess: Newt won’t care much for the product. It’s called Pickle Cotton Candy, after all.

0:00 – “Extra Newtrician. Metz is dressed like a 90s superhero.”

Well…I was thinking prostitute but whatever.

0:30 – Somebody left this product at PVC Bondage Guy’s workplace.

2:00 – Newt mistakenly says “Bootsy Beats” and then says “That’s the dude who never got paid by Screenwave.”

I believe that this pre-dates Screenwave. It was James Rolfe and/or Mike Matei who didn’t pay.

By the way, I was right. Newt didn’t care much for the product. Nor does PVC Bondage Guy.

2:15 – PVC Bondage Guy really struggles to eat this stuff and you have to wonder what other stuff has been in her mouth that has been far more revolting than this pickle-flavoured cotton candy. Why is this cotton candy the stuff that puts her over the edge? Blood? Ass? I’m going to guess urine. No problem. But cotton candy? That’s a step too far.

Some horntard in the comments says that PVC Bondage Guy’s dress is “cool”. Newt replies, “I was distracted a lot while they wore it.”

Uh huh. “They”. Newt will buy into anything if it means he might have sex.

Oh no. I have to pad this out.

Bad food…well, I can talk about my mother’s shit cooking when I was a child. She made a dish that I called “puke soup” but actually it was more of a stew. Beef stew, in fact. But because she was so…I don’t even think it’s a language problem. She spoke English fluently. She was just lazy and didn’t care about communicating with her children. So she never bothered to use the phrase “beef stew”. She just said “soup.” “We’re having soup”. When she said that, she was talking about beef stew.

“Meat” was another common meal that we had in our home. “What are we having?” “Meat.” You want to specificy at all? No. Just “meat”. Sometimes she’d mix it up by saying, “Meat and potatoes.”

Everything she did was a really basic recipe. There wasn’t much food from the old country like so many immigrant parents like to prepare. This was food from those spice packets that you get at the grocery store. And TV Dinners. She was big on TV Dinners. “Why are we always eating these TV Dinners? Are we poor?” “No. Rich people eat TV Dinners. These are expensive.”

She was lazy. She didn’t want to do anything. She didn’t want to eat into the 10 hours a day that she would watch trash talk shows. So this is what we would get.

So puke soup. It was beef, potatoes, and carrots in a tan sauce. And it would be served on plates. Not bowls like stews or soups tend to be served in. So this disgusting mess would just run all over.

When I was really young, she would mash it up for me because that was the only way that I would eat this shit. So it’s just this mashed up pile of mystery food.

And however it was eaten, mashed or unmashed, the main ingredient was salt and pepper. This is how everybody ate it. You loaded that shit up with salt and pepper. It was the only way to make it palatable.

I complained every single time that that meal was served. Rightly. What the fuck is this? What kind of meal requires loading it up with salt and pepper? If the dish requires more salt and/or pepper, put the salt and pepper into the dish WHILE YOU’RE COOKING IT.

But there is no dish that should require the vast amounts of salt and pepper that were used here. People knew the links between salt intake and heart disease in the 1980s and 1990s. There’s no excuse for this.

And just as a culinary fact, if the dish was any good it wouldn’t require vast amounts of salt and pepper. Make something good and then you won’t need to pile salt and pepper on it.

Look up any beef stew recipe and show me where it says, “Serve with copious amounts of salt and pepper.” It’s ridiculous. Why did my father not say anything? He just sat there and ate it. But he must have known that this was insane. This is not how food is prepared.