Gamer Girls

Wow. This was posted over a month ago. Time really flies when you’re not paying attention to this trash. So let’s see if he can top “boner biting dogs”.

0:00 – “As you know, the Tiny Toons reboot show has returned to tv.”

What? No. I didn’t know that. I’m not keeping up with 1990s children’s cartoon reboots.

0:15 – He sings the Tiny Toons theme song but replaces the words with “I’m the Irate Gamer” and so on. And it’s so fucking embarrassing that I don’t even want to talk about it. So let’s move on.

Let me look this reboot up first.

Middling reviews.

Oh, there was also an Animaniacs reboot that got middling to good reviews.

I’m not interested in any of this shit. I wasn’t interested when I was a kid in the 1990s. I watched the early seasons but how old was I? Oh, like 7th and 8th grade for Tiny Toons. Yeah, I was getting too old for that shit. And Animaniacs was later. I remember being in like the 11th grade and hearing some 9th grade girls talking about it and thinking, “This is embarrassing. They’re too old for this.”

Now, Chris BORES is a couple of years older than I am. So he must have been in high school and watching this shit. I was watching in the 7th and 8th grade, and was embarrassed then, and I was a pretty childish kid. I played with toys for a long time. Shit like this.

Chris BORES was watching Tiny Toons in high school? He wants to admit that?

1:00 – But first a word from our sponsors: my own shitty blu-ray.

According to the screenshot, only 84 people have pledged money but he’s raised $7,669. How? These retards have deep pockets.

1:30 – “I used to love renting this game back in the day.”

AS A TENTH GRADER? Let me look this up. Maybe I got his age wrong.

Well, apparently he’s about my age. I could swear that he was a couple of years older. Oh, I was thinking of John Riggs.

2:00 – I don’t remember anything that he’s describing, by the way. I don’t remember any of the characters. I couldn’t have been watching the show that much.

2:15 – He basically says that the game is good but he’s going to shit on it anyway just because that’s his thing. Or James Rolfe’s thing, at least. So he proceeds to make really petty criticisms of the game. “Boy, look at this jumping animation. It sure is stupid, right.” Uh huh.

3:00 – He describes a character in the game as being as useful as “Turding in a blender.” Oh. I see. So not very useful, I guess. Like…turding in a blender.

It doesn’t even make fucking sense. It’s too stupid to even get into. But your similes or metaphors or whatever have to, at a minimum, make GRAMMATICAL sense. Then, ideally, you want them to make LOGICAL sense. There is NOBODY who is “turding” in a blender. There’s no circumstance where that would ever achieve anything.

Let’s look at some actual similes that describe useless things. “Screen door on a submarine.” Boy, you’re right. A screen door on a submarine wouldn’t be very useful. It would let the water in. You don’t want water in a submarine. Makes sense.

“Turding in a blender.” Explain it to me, Chris BORES. How does that expression work AT ALL? Fucking faggot just wants to talk about asses and poop and dicks and dogs chewing on dicks.

3:15 – “What a bonafide, grade-A turd burger.”

Again with the turds. Does anyone even say “turds” any more? Did they ever?

4:45 – Chris BORES is complaining because…hold on. I have to unpack this.

He says that the game is good. And that’s a bad thing. It’s a bad thing because it’s only good because it stole gameplay elements from other games.

But not one minute earlier, Chris BORES suggested that the game should have been more like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He says that you should have been able to swap out characters on the fly, to make the game easier. Chris BORES is really concerned that this game for children is too difficult.

So…this is what happens when you like a game and are just saying that you don’t like it for the purposes of some shitty Youtube video. You end up saying shit that doesn’t make sense, shit that contradicts the other nonsensical shit that you said, and talking about poop and bestiality.

5:45 – Acting so terrible and embrarrassing that I don’t even want to talk about it.

6:00 – “Well, shit in my pancake batter.”

He just says it for no reason. “Turding in a blender” and now defecating in pancake batter. Is this funny to anyone? A 45 year old man talking about defecating in various things that you should’t defecate in?

“Well, poop on my….sunglasses.”

“Drop a steaming load on my…vintage typewriter.”

None of this is funny. It doesn’t make fucking sense.

6:15 – “Throw a gorilla faeces at the wall to see what Rorschach-like paintings materialise from all of that dripping poo water.”

First of all, I don’t believe that gorilla faeces is particularly viscous. They’re vegetarians. But secondly, this is fucking retarded. It’s certainly not funny. It’s not clever. But most of all, as per usual with this moron, it makes no fucking sense.

6:45 – Chris BORES can’t figure out why the sequel to the game takes place in an amusement park. Because it’s a typical place where video games, particularly for children, are set? Then there’s just a montage of Chris BORES dying because he’s bad at the game. This is stupid. It’s not a failing of the game, it’s a failing on your part.

7:15 – “I guess that this is one light between those butt cracks.”

Once again, he says it for no reason and it makes NO FUCKING SENSE. He just wants to talk about butt cracks. And can’t even do so in a coherent fashion. Because he’s a) gay, and b) retarded.

7:45 – “When it comes to the second Tiny Toons Adventures game, why didn’t they make it like the first game? Because that would have made it a homerun.”

BECAUSE THEY TRIED SOMETHING DIFFERENT, YOU MORON. And he just went on about how fucking shit it is when games steal concepts from other games. So he complains about how the first game was ripping off Super Mario Bros and whatnot and then says that the sequel should be just like the first game. It should be a rip off of this rip off game.

Has he thought any of this out at all? If you’re going to criticise a game, it has to be consistent and it has to make sense. He can’t achieve this. His mind is just full of competing homoerotic imagery. It clouds his senses. So you get this stream of consciousness bullshit that makes no sense and it’s interspliced with totally random references to butts and poop and penises. See a psychiatrist and get a boyfriend.

8:00 – He’s now talking about a game that lets you make little animated cartoons. And he says, “Does this even qualify as a game?”

No. No, it doesn’t, Chris BORES. Don’t you get it? It’s software to let you make little cartoons. I mean…this guy is a fucking retard.

So he’s mashing the buttons, pretending to “play” the “game”, and he has a bored expression. It just boggles the mind. He’s actually going to “review” this thing as though it’s a game. I don’t know how any human being can be this stupid. We’re now at animal levels of intelligence.

9:00 – Now he’s playing the Super Nintendo game and he sucks ass at it so…that means that the game sucks. At least in his warped mind.

10:00 – He’s playing the Game Boy game and he says that it’s good because it’s like the first NES game. That means that it’s a side-scroller. Then he says that you can switch out the characters. This is something he complained about with the first game. Then he says, “Come, you asshole. Thanks for raping my childhood yet again.”

Anyone want to explain this? It’s grammatically incorrect, of course. At least I think it is. I don’t know what he’s trying to convey. This Game Boy game, that he’s never talked about before, “raped” his “childhood” “yet again”. When did it do it the first time? What does that phrase even mean?

10:45 – Then, for reasons that nobody on earth can explain, he suddenly takes that first NES game and throws it into a rainbow-coloured anus, effectively. Then Chris BORES appears in the rainbow-coloured anus and says, “And that’s a wrap.”

That’s how the video ends.

The whole video was nonsensical, unfunny, stupid bullshit. This is what he does. These are his videos.

• “Annoys me that you are not as big as you should be , I had hours of fun watching your old videos they are classics and up there with avgn early stuff too”

Chris BORES replies, “Me too. I pissed the YouTube brass off in 2012 because I wouldnt sell out and nothing was ever the same. One day I’ll talk about it.”

He’s done this conspiracy theory nonsense for a long time. He’s mentally ill. You see it in the videos. He can’t even create anything coherent. The videos scream mental illness.