Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ytkxx3vnjw

Erin is finally gracing us with a “sexy” costume.  IT’S ALREADY HALLOWEEN.  What happened to the 31 days of “sexy” costumes that we would get in the past?  Well, not that she’d do a video a day but every Twitch stream and every Youtube video for the entire month of October would be Erin in a “sexy” costume.  And her views apparently went up because she also claimed that she was planning to wear a “sexy” costume YEAR-ROUND.

That never came to be.  Now it’s just one fucking day a year.  Does Erin think that we only jerk off once a year?  Shishi and the gang need to see “sexy” costumes on the regular.

So she’s in some zero-effort nurse outfit.  It’s just some piece of shit that she bought on Amazon.  A generic Halloween costume.  It’s the equivalent of those shitty children’s costumes that have a shitty plastic face mask that you attach to your head with a rubber band and a plastic bib with a picture of the character on the chest.  ZERO EFFORT AS USUAL FROM ERIN.

What about getting an actual fucking nurse outfit?  Yes, actual nurse outfits aren’t sexy but neither are fake ones.  What exactly is the appeal?  You see this in porn, at least historically, but I don’t think it’s the costume that’s supposed to be sexy.  It’s the situations that can then play out…sponge baths, for example.  I don’t know.

0:00 – “I’m laughing because this is probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done.”

Not even in the top 100.  You debase yourself on a regular basis, Erin.  Every time you post a video, you lose another piece of your dignity.

“This hat won’t stay on.”

The perils of buying your costume from Amazon’s generic costume list.  I guess that one size doesn’t actually fit all.

0:15 – “It’s cute but it just doesn’t stay.  But I’ll try to have it stay.”

And it clearly doesn’t fit.  Let’s see how many seconds before she takes it off.

0:30 – “I’m going to take this off because it’s not going to stay.”

Approximately 15 seconds.

Then there’s an edit…and suddenly Mike is there with his Ernie puppet.

What?  This is edited to shit, by the way.  And we can’t see the original video.  It’s not on Twitch.  So it would seem that even Erin has deemed this stream unwatchable.  

But what I think is happening here is that Erin is doing a stream where she just films the tv.  It’s a CRT.  It looks like fucking dogshit.

Mike has done these weird streams where he just films the tv too and they look bad but not THIS bad.  Erin didn’t even centre the fucking camera.  The entire screen isn’t even in the fucking shot.  It’s also a weird angle.  Who the fuck would want to watch this?  

And where does Erin get her ideas?  Mike does bad CRT streams so now she does bad CRT streams.  

0:45 – 

Erin: I want to make sure that you’re on camera because they like to see you.

Ernie: I don’t really want to be seen.

Erin: I don’t really want to be seen either.

When Erin says stuff like this, it gives me hope.  Maybe she’s thinking of finally giving up on this shit.  Getting her life together.  Stopping this ridiculous scam against the mentally retarded.  

1:00 – 

Ernie: Are you going to play board games?

Erin: Yes, I will very soon because this is going to hell so I think it’s going to be time to switch to Operation.

Ernie: What do you — what do you think about the…uhhh…the people who…who don’t think that you’re super good at video — at the…at the Dr Mario game?

Erin: For people who don’t think that I’m good at Dr Mario?

Ernie: Yeah.  I saw somebody say, “Hey, that girl’s not good at Dr Mario” in the chat.  What do you have to say to him?

Erin: Well, that person can eat my ass and I’ll step on their balls.

Ernie: Oh my god.

Erin: I’m very aggressive today.

And the usual charisma blackhole.  Mike couldn’t even get the fucking words out.  He’s afraid to point out the obvious: Erin isn’t good at video games, doesn’t like video games, and doesn’t know anything about video games.  We can all fucking see it.  It’s obvious from every fucking video that she does.

Why would she even deny it?  Why does everything have to be a fucking lie?  

2:00 – So after another edit (there was absolutely ZERO footage of Erin playing Dr Mario, by the way) she’s on to Operation.  The board game.  She’s just filming a board game.  On this weird plastic children’s tablecloth that she used in her recent stream where she read Mike’s Nintendo Power magazines.

2:15 – Extended, unfunny, uncharismatic, unintelligent discussion about the character’s nipples and naval that’s too stupid to even transcribe.

3:00 – 

Erin: Do you think that my idea is good: just to try to clear it all without getting hit and every time I get hit I have to, like, put it back in?  What do you think, Ernie?  Help.

Ernie: Just play the fucking game, Erin.

It’s true.  Her idea is fucking IDIOTIC.  It’s boring, it’s stupid, it makes no sense, no thought was put into it at all.  This is typical of everything that Erin does.  

How about making it interesting?  When you hit the side, you take a piece of clothing off.  Something like this.  Shishi would lose his fucking mind.  

Or you can do something much tamer like for every mistake you make, you have to eat one of those gross jelly beans that they sell in the US.  That seems to be all the rage on Youtube.  Or used to to be, years ago.  Even that would be a step up.  Give us SOMETHING.  

What are the stakes involved?  Because as she’s presenting it, it’s NOTHING.  When she fucks up, she just puts the piece back.  Well, whoop-dee-doo.  We’re in for a good time here.  

She could not make an entertaining video if her life depended on it.  And I was thinking of that recent video where the genuinely mentally retarded Games and Movies said that he had a bad experience with Sylvan Learning Center.  I’m interested in knowing why.  What was it that happened?  Why didn’t he like it?  

We’ll never know because Erin just gave her usual no-charisma answer of “That’s cool”.  Way to interact with the chat, Erin.  You’re a real showman.

3:45 – “Okay, here we go.  What should I take out first?”

NOBODY CARES BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT TO ANY OF THIS.  

And then fucking Mike is back but with his Elmo puppet this time.  He’s so desperate to inject some fucking entertainment into Erin’s abysmal streams.  He knows that if she doesn’t continue to see growth on her shitty Twitch and Youtube channels, she’s out the door.  The buttsex gravy train is over.  Erin is going to be giving that ass up to Joe from Gamesack.

5:00 – So then Erin starts “playing” this game.  Her head is in the shot.  She didn’t test this out AT ALL, of course.  That would have required effort.  And she immediately gets shocked.  

She never played Operation before.  She’s never fucking done anything before.  

And is this a good game for her imaginary carpal tunnel syndrome?  

“All right!  We got the adam’s apple out.  What’s next?”

NOBODY CARES!  It’s totally fucking pointless.  There’s no strategy.  There’s no reward for good play.  There’s no punishment for bad play.  So do whatever the fuck you want.  How can anyone possibly be invested in this?  Just take the fucking pieces out.  Tip the fucking game over and shake the pieces out for all I care.  This is idiotic.

5:15 – She’s reading from the chat.  “What are the odds that Mike has rigged the game to actually electrocute Erin?  Well, that wouldn’t be very nice.”

This is what negative charisma looks like.  It’s not appealing.  She thinks that she’s going to make money from this.  How?  It boggles the mind.  She brings absolutely nothing to these videos that anyone would want to watch.

“What’s down here?  The bread basket?  Why is it here?  I don’t like the location.”

Because it’s a reference to the man’s stomach.  Haven’t you figured out the puns yet?  

By the way, it’s weird that they put underpants on him now and he has a teddy bear next to his head.  The thermometer doesn’t make sense either.  You have a thermometer in your mouth during an operation?

It is a weird game but it was the 60s.  Putting pants on him doesn’t make it any less weird.  It just makes it weird in a different way.

6:15 – She fucks up.  “Do I have to put them all back now?  I’m just going to keep going.”

None of this matters anyway.

7:30 – She’s reading from the chat.  “Maybe try your hand at Surgeon Simulator instead?  Oh my god.  I clearly should not be doing this.”

She never even heard of the game so she just made a generic comment.  That’s her coping strategy to get through life because she never knows what people are talking about.

But it’s true, there are a lot of games that she could have played other than Dr Mario (which she’s REALLY bad at) and fucking Operation.  What about Theme Hospital?  And there’s some pseudo sequel that was released not long ago.  

8:00 – “Remember when I said I’m going to start all over if I get buzzed?  Well, I’m not doing that, otherwise we would be here all night.”

She’s really bad at the game.  This should come as no surprise to anyone.  

She seems to know what the pieces are called, though.  Sort of.  So she might have played it once or twice before.

9:15 – “Should I upload this stream?  I like to ask you because you’re my people and you’re honest.”

Why are there videos that she doesn’t upload?  How can she make a determination between which videos are worth uploading and which ones aren’t?  They’re all awful.  I’ve never seen even a remotely watchable video from Erin.  

But there are videos out there that are so bad that even Erin thinks that they’re unwatchable.  That blows my mind.  How bad can they possibly be?

10:30 – She’s unable to get the charlie horse piece out even when not caring how much the game buzzes.  So she just gives up.

Then Mike brings her a different game.  It’s Operation Perfection.  I’ve never seen this before.  It’s a combination of Operation and Perfection.

12:45 – “Bread.  I like bread.  Do you guys like bread?  I like toast.”

This is absolute shit tier commentary.  It’s like she’s TRYING to give the blandest, least interesting comment possible.  But no.  She’s just completely incapable of being even remotely engaging.

So after Erin fails at that game, Mike hands her a dancing skeleton, and then he comes in with the Ernie puppet again and says some stupid shit.

13:30 – Then Erin is back to Dr Mario.  Is she going to go show actual gameplay footage this time?

14:30 – A horntard asks her why she’s filming her tv.  Erin says, “I kind of like this vibe.  It’s a nice change of pace.  Some people don’t get it and that’s fine.  But I feel like you’re into CRTs and PBMs, BBMs, all that shit, I think it’s comfy.  I’m one of those people.  I like it.”

Oh yeah.  Erin is all about CRTs.  And…PBMs?  BBMs?  Did I even hear those right?  What the fuck is this?  I have absolutely no idea.  And I looked this shit up too.  I don’t know.  No relevant results.  

Maybe she meant PBJs and BBWs.  Erin is sitting in Mike’s home all day, on her rapidly expanding ass, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as she strives to become a BBW.  Sorry, Erin.  You’ll never hit that milestone.  It’s the second “B” which is the problem for you.

PBMs and BBMs…fuck off.  She has no idea what any of this means and she doesn’t give a fuck about it.

Yeah.  No footage of Dr Mario.  Why did she choose to play this if she’s so bad at it.  So bad that she’s too embarrassed to show the fucking footage.

Then there’s more awkward as fuck dialogue between Erin and Elmo.  Erin has no idea how conversations are supposed to work.

That’s the video.  It ends with terrible Dr Mario gameplay and terrible chat from Erin.  

What the fuck?  This is our Halloween video?  I’m totally flaccid here, not to mention bored out of my fucking mind.  What the hell is going on?  

This failed as pornography, as comedy, as entertainment…as everything.  THIS SUCKS COCK.  What the fuck kind of Halloween treat is this?  It’s like those people who would give those generic peanut butter candies that came in either black or orange wrappers.  They just got the cheapest fucking candy at the store.  I don’t want this shit.  Fuck you, you cheap bastard.  

– “I love these little interactions.“I met his family in Hell.”“Were they nice?”“No… They were awful.”

Yeah…it’s really funny when Erin said something awkward as fuck.  

– “Erin looks soo freakin’ badass !!”

What?  How?  

The rest of the comments are people talking about how horny they got from Erin’s costume.  

I just don’t get it.  At all.  It’s a 35 year old woman in a cheap, store-bought Halloween costume that doesn’t even show anything.  What are people getting aroused over?  Her horrendous candy cane/ice cream trucker tattoo?  

She also did a stream as Chucky from Child’s Play.

https://twitter.com/ErinPlays_Games/status/1453944175007703041/photo/1

She hasn’t uploaded the video and I suspect that she won’t.  But there’s a picture in that tweet.  

Am I supposed to be jerking off to this?  Which part of this is erotic?  Shishi responded with a weird “meme” of a kid getting excited over a video game.  I’ll just leave that there but it seems that Shishi is enjoying this picture.

Oh my god.  Crystal Quin responded.  She said, “I love it.”  Crystal Quin is all about hot chicks.  But….then what the fuck is she doing on Erin’s Twitter?

I just don’t get it.  I’m looking at this picture and I’m trying to figure it out.  When is my penis supposed to get hard?  Should I see a doctor?  Am I the only person not getting erect from this?

Anyway, happy Halloween to the horntards.  I hope that your trick or treating around the group home goes well and you don’t get any of those shitty peanut butter candies.

Fucking candy corn was another one that cheap bastards would give out but I didn’t mind those.  I liked the pumpkin ones especially.

And to be honest, I didn’t even mind the peanut butter candies.  They tasted fine.  But my school chums would chew them for a while and then spit them out so that it looked like some tiny person took a shit.  I didn’t do it because I’m not disgusting but this is what they would do.