Are they ripping off The Ideas Man? Because Newt started doing food reviews of late. Not that food reviews were invented by Newt but the timing is suspicious. And this is how they’re bringing the Godzilla podcast back? By doing a food review?
Well, I know it’s going to be awful but let’s check it out.
0:00 – He promises that there will be more of these “little” videos to build up to the relaunch of the podcast. This video is 20 minutes long. A 20 minute hot sauce review. From two people who have never reviewed food before, as far as I’m aware. And Johanna couldn’t be entertaining to save her life.
0:30 – Tony says that this idea is based on…Hot Ones? I guess it’s some Youtube channel. Oh. First We Feast. I think that I watched one of these videos before. Briefly.
But then Tony says that they’re not going to ask each other questions, they’re just going to talk about the hot sauce. So…I don’t even…let’s just get through this.
1:45 – Johanna says that this first hot sauce is “super cute.”
Okay. I don’t know if I can do twenty minutes of this.
So anyway, they put this sauce on some chicken and then Tony says that you can really taste the lime. It’s a lime sauce. Johanna says that it’s “very limey.” And then they both reach the conclusion that this sauce is okay.
At first, I thought that they were going to pour the sauce into a shot glass and drink it. That might be a better idea. I appreciate that it would be unconventional but the chicken obviously is going to affect the flavour of the sauce. If they just drink it straight, you get a more honest appraisal. Although, they would still just say, “It’s okay, I guess.”
3:30 – They can’t open the next bottle. This goes on for like a minute.
Anyway, they like this one. It’s better than the previous sauce. Great.
6:00 – Now the next one.
It’s all right.
8:15 – Tony is talking about his butthole being on fire.
8:45 – And the next one. I’ll say…that it’s going to be …pretty good.
11:15 – They start eating…celery to dissipate the heat. I’ve never heard of this. Let me look this up.
This seems to be something that they serve with chicken wings in the US. At least in the US. My chicken wing experience is extremely limited. I don’t think that it’s a restaurant genre that exists in the UK.
12:30 – Now Johanna says that she’s going to “burn her butthole”.
By the way, that last sauce was pretty hot. Tony started crying like Newt Wallen when he watches a Spider-Man cartoon.
14:00 – They’re on the last one, by the way. Johanna says that it smells like ass, later she says that it tastes like ass, and she’s made references to stuff coming out of her ass. This is great content.
19:00 – Johanna reiterates that the last one tastes like ass.
So that’s the video. This is what Youtube was made for: to listen to a boring woman say that everything is “ass”.
How am I going to top that? Oh, I know. I’ll give my own disgusting story about “ass”.
For the past 15 years or so, whenever I eat something spicy, I shit blood. I looked it up and saw that it could be cancer but more likely it’s merely hemorrhoids. I’m betting on hemorrhoids because I don’t want to go to a doctor about this.
This article is going to go viral. People are dying to know about my bloody stool. Ass.
Tony should just go on “First we feast” If you weren’t aware, he was in The Dark Knight Rises. Not to mention Thugz vs. Dinosaurs and Mummy Cop.
He should go on a diet first. A big one.
Then sell all the gay masks and costumes he owns, because he looks idiotic wearing any of them, and use that money to help fund a real education so he can then get a real job that will actually last.