Well, the video is finally here. He had this video set to “premiere” for like two fucking weeks.
0:15 – Newt says, “Go ahead and introduce yourself, sir.” Like this is some Hollywood bigshot. Newt has to really kiss ass by saying “sir.”
So this is Larry Alan, the co-owner of New Village Video. He leaves a comment. Let’s check out his channel.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzbaFW6S6Yk7PAez78MtduQ
He has 28 subscribers. TWENTY-EIGHT! I’m not making this up. His videos struggle to crack 10 views.
They’re trailers. Trailers to tits and gore movies that NOBODY is watching.
Here’s his Twitter:
155 followers.
They also have a website where you can “rent” their shitty tits and gore movies. And it has a 1980s look.
I have no idea how this is a viable business. Clearly, nobody is interested. Nobody is buying this shit.
So this is the guy who bought one of Newt’s shitty scripts. For how much? How much could this guy possibly have paid? His movies aren’t making any money. Fifty bucks?
How much would anybody possibly pay for something called Mars vs Cheerleaders? Especially when it’s written by the completely talentless (at least in terms of writing) Newt Wallen.
0:30 – Newt says that he wrote four scripts for something called “Crude Cinema”. I’m not going to bother looking them up. Another “studio” who makes tits and gore “movies” that fucking nobody watches.
So somehow, this loser “producer” “discovered” Newt through Newt’s “work” at Crude Cinema and asked Newt if he had any scripts. Newt says that he had 32 scripts. Newt sent this guy some of this self-described “shit” and this guy chose Mars vs Cheerleaders as the script that he wanted to purchase.
3:45 – Newt says that he knows all of the actors and (especially) sexy actresses who have appeared in this guy’s “films”. Because Newt just wants to talk about himself and what a Hollywood bigshot he is. As always.
4:30 – This guy (I already forgot his name and I’m not going to look it up so fuck it) says that he wrote a script for a “feature film” but wanted to make two films this year. I’ll stop saying “film” in quotes but just keep a mental note that I don’t consider anything that this guy does to be a legitimate film.
So anyway, this guy wanted to make two movies this year but only wrote one script. And he thought, “There’s no way that I can write another script this year.” Enter The Ideas Man. Newt shits out a new script every day. This is according to Newt. He openly admits that he writes this shit in one day.
But Steven Spielberg over here is under the impression that it takes a long time to write a script. No. Not if you’re Newt Wallen it doesn’t.
A good script? Yes, that takes time. But The Ideas Man doesn’t give a fuck about quality. “25,000 words? I’m done. Moving on.”
5:30 – Oh my god. He’s talking about the genesis of Mars vs Cheerleaders. He wrote it in 2016, I think he said. “Originally it was going to be a star vehicle for my former partner.”
He’s actually giving a shout out to Horseface in this. He can not get over this. HORSEFACE.
Newt. The guy does not give a fuck about your former “partner”, horse face or no horse face. This is embarrassing as fuck. Have some dignity. Have some professionalism.
Right now this guy is thinking, “Wait a minute…I bought a script that he wrote for his horse-faced former friend? What the fuck was I thinking? I should go back to being a wedding photographer.”
5:45 – Then Newt literally lists the names of movies that he ripped off for this Mars vs Cheerleaders. It’s shameless. NEW IDEAS, IDEAS MAN. Can you come up with any?
At least don’t boast to the guy who you sold the script to that the script is entirely plagiarised.
7:30 – “It was weird this year to have 11 projects picked up that were sitting around or stuff that I had to re-write really quickly.”
Newt. It is not about you and how awesome you are and how people can’t get enough of your awful scripts that you shit out in a day. Plagiarised scripts, I should add. This is about promoting this stupid fucking movie that this moron inexplicably bought your script for.
11:15 – “People get so uptight and they have these opinions like, ‘What’s a bad movie?’ You can’t say what’s a bad movie. It’s subjective.”
No, I can say. Mars vs Cheerleaders is going to be a bad movie? How do I know? It’s a script by Newt Wallen. It’s being made by a guy who never made a good movie in his life. There’s a budget of zero. And it’s just going to be another tits and gore piece of shit that nobody will watch.
I don’t even need to see the movie and I know all of this. Everybody does. Except for these two deluded fucks.
17:15 – Newt actually uses the phrase “tits and gore”. Eugh.
18:30 – “When I was at the other company.”
This is fucking…does this Larry guy even know Newt’s history with Screenwave and all that? Why…Newt really needs to put into a mental institution for his own safety. He needs round the clock care. He needs a team of psychiatrists working with him.
I made it to 20 minutes. I’m done. Fuck this. Comments.
Oh, another delightful comment from Horn Dog. He’s becoming my favourite.
- “Is that harlot Cristal Quinn going to be in it? she’s a stunning girl, but is a little rough around the edges”
He must know. But fucking braindead Newt gives his standard zombie reply. “She no longer associated with schlock. These art pieces were done in 2016 and 17. Going fwd im honoring her wishes to change all likenesses as not to hurt their brand”
Then Horntard replies, “People online are saying that she owns 50% of all these projects, and this is just an attempt to win her back with them all now happening to get sold?! Please tell me that’s not true, Newt? I believe in you and the new direction you are going.”
Newt replies, “only project she has any claim to is midnight show. Which we are reshaping so not sure how much she will be in when finished. And all these projects are my attempt to get my name and reputation back. Im well aware she hates me and didnt believe in my scripts. So no need to attempt to impress. I wanna impress the people who believe in me”
Horntard again, “Thanks for your honesty, and I hope you can resolve the midnight show without her having a say. This is your time now, and your story isn’t over because a bunch of people want it to be! I know people will always think the worst of you and come to their own conclusions, but we are here with you!”
Ideas Man again, “appreciate that. I cut her from all the stuff I was told to cut her from. Changing likeness on art. We were 50-50 and I did write all my scripts up to 2020 for her. She was my muse. But learned after that she didnt believe in them. And was told she called all my shoots a waste of time. And embarrassing. Well some people liked them enough to pay for them. And some other actress is gonna play those parts and kick ass. Nothing I can do know but build schlock and by summer the full plan will be revealed but im sure once sw moves into new offices an will make movies with her or new shows. Do I wish she was still around. Everyday. But i also know I have movies and comics an games and shows to do. Money coming in. Moving to new space. I am done trying to change peoples minds. I said my sorrys. Did my time. Lost more than you all will ever know. Now time to show them what they missed out on”
Newt, get fucking help. Still talking about his god damned horse-faced muse. This is all for Horseface. And Horseface is say that Newt’s movie ideas are just a giant waste of time. They clearly are. It’s all plagiarised tits and gore shit that nobody will ever be interested in.
But the real horror is Newt’s suggestion that Screenwave is going to start making movies starring Horseface. What the fuck? Show me the people who want to see a film starring Crystal Quin. That’s just as delusional as Newt thinking that anybody wants to watch his shitty film ideas.
Maybe I should buy one of Newt’s scripts. But then do what with it?
Well, I could make a movie and have Horseface be the leading lady. These scripts are all written for her, after all. I can get the whole Hack the Movie crew. The ladies, anyway. Horseface, Johanna, that Italian woman, that anti-abortion nut, the perpetual intern. Am I missing anyone? Oh, I’ll get Mint Salad too, if her fat hillbilly pimp allows me. And they’ll all play prostitutes or sexy cavewomen or whatever idiotic role that Newt’s awful scripts have.
Then I’d get Justin to be the leading man. And all of these Hack the Movies skanks would be half-naked and rubbing up on him. And Newt would just be at home fuming over this. Using Newt’s script to get Horseface to rub up on Justin.
I’d make a million dollars. I’d be on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. “King of Tits and Gore” it would say. Then I’d ask Newt’s mother if she wants to go on a date with me.