Gamer Girls

I was living with these Sri Lankan guys in Wembley. I mentioned that when I moved in, there was an empty room. That room was filled by an Indian guy. A gay Indian guy.

He was a creep. He would come on to me. I clearly expressed zero interest but he would persist. He worked as a nurse.

My roommate went back to Sri Lanka. So they found a replacement roommate. This guy was from Poland. He was doing something in IT. He was in his mid 20s, I guess.

He was fine. I guess. He was always awkwardly looking for a girlfriend, though. It was uncomfortable. I went to a clothing shop with him. It was Primark. Primark sells heavily discounted clothes. It’s where very poor people go. I bought a belt from there for £1. That belt lasted for like ten years. It was the best £1 that I ever spent. But still, the store was for completely impoverished people.

So we go to the store, he’s looking for like a summer jacket. He tries one on and then he asks the totally disinterested South Asian staff member how it looks. She gives him a strange look and says, “It looks fine” and then hurried off.

Primark is not the sort of store where you have a personal assistant helping you with the clothes. It’s just mobs of poor people tearing through bins of £5 shirts and whatnot.

This guy showed me a picture of his ex-girlfriend from when he was living in Poland. She was smoking hot. And this guy was not attractive. So I asked why he’s not with this woman any more. He just said, “It’s in the past.”

Anyway, we went to a pub a couple of times. I didn’t mind getting a drink with him. At this point, I was working sporadically and I also had Job Seeker’s allowance coming in when I wasn’t working. So I had some money for this sort of thing. But he always immediately went off and tried to pick up chicks. And he wanted me to help. I don’t want to do that. So it was uncomfortable. And he never got a single phone number from any of this.

We also went to a pub one time with this gay Indian guy. We were about to go into one place, and this Indian guy said, “I can’t go in there.” And we asked what he was talking about. He said, “I can’t go in there because of this” and he pointed at his skin colour. We said of course he can. So he reluctantly agreed.

We get in and the entire place starts staring at us. It was all white, presumably British people. The bartender comes over to us and in a kind of sarcastic tone asks what we want. This Polish guy says, “Let’s just go.”

I’ve never seen anything like that. I’ve had a black girlfriend for many years. I took her all over London. There’s never been an issue. But clearly, this was some kind of racist establishment.

So we went to a different pub. And this Indian guy is telling us about what kind of guys he likes. He likes young white guys. He’s pointing out guys in the bar who he wants to have sex with. Shit like this. I don’t want to hear this.

And I told this Polish guy, before we went to the pub, that this Indian guy is gay. He said, “How do you know?” I said, “From his accent.” He clearly had a camp voice. The Polish guy said, “You can’t tell if somebody is gay from their accent.” Fine.

The guy was clearly gay but the Polish guy couldn’t tell because he wasn’t familiar with the gay voice that we all know exists. Maybe it was because he wasn’t as familiar with English as a native speaker would be.

Another Sri Lankan guy also moved in. He moved in with a couple of other Sri Lankan guys. So there were three guys sharing one tiny room.

This guy was a recovering drug addict. He talked about how he used to have a job and money and bitches and whatever and he lost it all. So he’s trying to rebuild his life. Okay, great. Glad to hear it.

He asked to borrow my tv. Little weird but…okay?

He had it for up to like two weeks. He would bring it back and then ask for it back a short time later.

The Polish guy told him to just watch tv here with us. But he didn’t want to do that.

And this guy told me, because he saw that I was getting annoyed with these tv borrowing requests, that he doesn’t have a computer or anything. The tv is his only way to pass the time. And he said that he knows it’s not my problem but that’s the situation. So whatever. I’d let him “borrow” the tv.

He was also really…he had a strong personality. Always wanted to talk. And it’s just not me. I find it uncomfortable.

Anyway, back to this Polish guy. He had a real problem with noise while trying to sleep. He asked me to stop typing so he could go to sleep. I was playing some game. I had a computer by this point. It was like £400. One of the cheapest computers I could find. So…that’s ridiculous but whatever. So I just looked at the internet. Just clicked my mouse.

So then he asked if I can stop clicking. I nearly lost my shit. Clicking the mouse is too loud for this guy. How is it possible?

We lived right by a fairly busy street. The ambient noise of traffic was ever present. That didn’t bother him.

I also snore. That didn’t bother him.

But clicking? Fuck you. So I complained to the guy who owned the place or was the head tenant or whatever he was and he agreed that it’s absurd but what is he going to do?

He also complained about the saxophone lessons that the guy who owned the place started taking. He would get really annoyed when the lesson would start. But it didn’t bother me in the slightest. This guy is learning the saxophone. Good for him. What do I care?

So anyway, shortly after these noise complaints, this Polish guy moved out. He was moving in with some other Polish people. Are other Polish people going to be more conscientious than I was? Certainly not from my experience. But who knows? Maybe he got lucky.

And then I moved out shortly thereafter. Because they were looking for a new roommate for me, it was all South Asian guys, and they all made a face when they saw me. So in order to make it easier for this guy to find another person to move in, I decided to move out. I just found a place down the street with some Indian guys and an Australian aborigine guy.

The Indian guy also moved out shortly before everyone else did. Just one day, he said that he was going back to India. He had a fight with his boyfriend or something.

So how to sum up the experience? The Polish guy was trying to be friendly. And I tried to be friendly. But I just wasn’t very good with that kind of stuff.

Same with the guy who would borrow my tv. Same with my previous roommate. Same with everyone there. They were all fine, I guess, but I just hated having roommates. I wish that I would have been more outgoing and friendly but that’s just not me. So what are you going to do?

Also during this time, I started talking to an Asian woman from California. I met her from some British band’s message board. We started talking. I told her that I was an American and I moved to London and she said that she wants to do that too.

I told her that it’s not possible. You need a visa or citizenship in an EU country but she was determined.

The reason that she wanted to move here is because she was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend and she was given probation or something and had to do some kind of anger management course. So this was a red flag but whatever. I’m a taekwondo master. I could probably take her.

We’re talking more and more and she’s actually planning to move to London. With no legal right to stay here. And she had a good job. She was working in a bank or something. She recently graduated from university. She had some kind of finance degree.

I told her repeatedly that this is a bad idea, she can’t stay, and it’s absurd. She’s going to break her probation over this, lose her job at the bank, and…for what? She has absolutely no plan. And her life is going reasonably fine. Who cares about these anger management classes? Just finish the classes and you’re done. Maybe move after your probation is over.

No. She wanted to move right away. She also didn’t like her parents. I don’t know. It was the usual Chinese parents thing. This woman brought dishonour to the family so they were disappointed in her.

Originally, she asked if she can move in with me but I couldn’t do that. I was living in a shared place.

So she quickly found somebody else. Just some random English guy agreed to let her stay with him. She found him from Couchsurfing dot com or something.

She would ask stuff like, “Do you want to have sex with me?” but I knew that the meeting was not going to go well. I’m a witty guy in texts and emails. I’m okay on the phone. But in person, it was bad. So I didn’t want to build things up. Let’s just meet up first and then see where we stand on the fornicating issue.

We talked for a month, I guess? I don’t know.

So one day I get a text saying, “I’m in London. Do you want to meet me at the bar?”

By the way, she was an alcoholic. That’s why she beat her boyfriend. She was drunk at the time.

So…fuck. Okay.

I get there and she’s drunk off her ass. And she’s with this random dude who she met from Couchsurfing dot com or whatever.

I had a hard time comprehending what was going on. Why would she ask me to meet her when she’s already fall over drunk and she’s with this other guy? This is weird. Who does this?

So we have some awkward chat, the three of us. Even awkward by my standards. And then the guy says, “You’ve talked to each other for a long time. I’ll let you catch up.” And he goes to the toilet or something.

Then she grabs my ass and starts French kissing me.

I found this all very strange. Even if this happened today, where I’m much better in social situations, where I can be charming, where I can be smooth with the ladies, I still would be completely bamboozled by this. I was confused and insulted. Why would she want to meet me when she’s drunk off her ass and with another guy? And then she’s rubbing all over me?

It’s not how I roll. So I drank my beer in record time, took her aside, and said, “If you want to meet again, while sober, and without this guy, let me know. But I’m not going to continue this” and I left.

I got a couple of drunken voicemails that night. In one of them, you can hear this lecherous English guy saying, “Let’s go back to my place.”

So the next day, I texted her back and expressed bewilderment that she thought that I wanted to meet this guy but asked if she wanted to do anything today. So the guy responds back. He was on her phone. Or maybe it was his number that she gave me. And he says something like, “She can’t meet up today but maybe tomorrow.”

We did meet up again. Just her and I. And she was sober. But she was also a giant bitch. So we enjoyed a delicious meal at Quiznos. Then we went to a bank. She wanted to deposit her birth certificate and shit like this in a safe deposit box. It costs money, of course, and she wasn’t even living in the country but she brought all of her documents with her and she was really concerned about keeping them safe. Then we did some shopping. I don’t remember what for. She was looking for something. She didn’t find it.

Then that was it. She was going to Germany or somewhere the next day. Staying with some more strange men who she found on Couchsurfing dot com. We didn’t talk any more after that.

But I would periodically check out some social media that she had. She was in different parts of Europe for about six months. Then she was in an Israeli commune for about another six months. Then she was living in New York. She was doing some menial job there for a couple of years. Then she was living in the Middle East for a few years.

I don’t know what she was doing while she was doing all of this European and Middle Eastern travel. I assume prostitution. How else could she afford this?

She was also constantly posting pictures of herself with different men. When she was in the Middle East, it was random middle aged or older men in those robes and shit.

Then, after like 10 years of this, she moved back with her parents.

Why did she never get married? She had absolutely no problem meeting guys. Nobody met her standards, I guess.

So now she’s 40 years old, single, unemployed, living with her elderly parents, and she regularly talks about wanting to go to Switzerland or the Netherlands for that so-called suicide machine. I’m not joking. And she’s been in this situation for like five years now.

I warned her from the beginning that it was a bad idea to come to the UK when you have no legal right to be here and no plan. Had she just stayed where she was, she very well could be making good money in the banking industry today. But she threw it all away…on nothing. She had no fucking plan at all.

You can’t help people. People are not going to take your advice. It’s like when I write about Newt wasting his life on idiotic ideas that obviously will never be successful. Anyone with a brain knows that these ideas are doomed to fail but Newt is not going to listen. He’s going to march straight ahead to calamitous failure.

Or how I’ve written about Erin for the past four years. How these abysmal videos are never going to become popular. Her scheme of getting with Mike will not overcome her obvious total disinterest and lack of knowledge about video games. Not to mention her negative charisma. But she’s still plugging away, making her $3000/year.

It’s not that I’m Nostradamus. Any fucking moron can see that these plans, or lack of plans, are not going to work. But I don’t know. It’s like we live in a determinist universe. You can’t interfere with the timeline.