2:00 – “I was diddly-daddlying, whatever the word is.”
Then Mike corrects her. “Dilly dallying”. What an idiot.
And I don’t even know what they’re playing. It’s the game in the screenshot. Is this even a real game or is it a hack? They talk about how it was made by Sega and Sega must have had a brand deal with KFC. But neither one of these idiots noticed that it’s Kentucky Friends Chicken. “Friends”, not “Fried.” So it’s obviously not a sponsor deal.
Erin is just commenting on how all of the enemies are cute.
3:00 – Now they’re at a 7-11. Mike says, “Oh, wow. There’s a 7-11.”
No, you fucking morons. It’s 7-Yleven”. These are all parodies. I don’t know what they’re parodying but they’re taking advantage of the lax copyright laws in Japan. If you just change the name slightly, that’s enough. At least it was when this game was released, which, according to Mike, was 1988.
4:30 –
Mike: Erin is a fan of Pixie and Dixie
Erin: I didn’t know what that was until…Mike Matei
(awkward pause)
Mike: I’m very sorry.
Good chat, Erin.
In case it needs to be stated, Erin is terrible at the game. She’s also terrible at conversation.
6:45 – “Steam sucks because it’s like…it’s like…I don’t know. It really hurt me when I would accidentally walk through it.”
Great chat, Erin.
8:15 –
Mike: So, Erin, there was a deleted scene from Star Trek V with a rock monster.
Erin: A rock monster?
Mike: Yeah. So he ended up in this game.
Great, chat Mike. You too, Erin.
8:45 – Mike is reading from that chat.
Mike: “Looks like a forgotten Sonic character?”
Erin: Kind of. Like Woody the Woodpecker mixed with Sonic.
Mike: Woody THE Woodpecker.
Erin: Woody THE Woodpecker, as Britney would say.
This is a reference to some insane comment that Erin made and I talked about in a previous article. Let me look for it.
Yeah. Mike referred to the character as Woody the Woodpecker. So then Erin just copied that name because she has no idea who the character is. The character’s name is Woody Woodpecker. There’s no definite article anywhere.
So here in this most recent video, Erin again referred to the character as “Woody THE Woodpecker”, because that’s what Mike calls the character and Erin’s only exposure to Woody Woodpecker is through Mike.
Also, in the article that I linked to, Erin makes a vague reference to Britney Spears doing an impression of Woody Woodpecker. This was her only experience with the character prior to Mike mentioning the character, albeit as “Woody THE Woodpecker.”
So anyway, this was just a little reference to the blog. The Gamer Grrls blog must be a popular topic of conversation around the Matei/Plays household. A passion for the blog is one of the few things that they have in common. I’m glad to hear it.
10:30 – Mike correctly calls the character Woody Woodpecker.
11:00 –
Mike: So the plot of this game is that Colonel Sanders wanted a new pool.
Erin: I don’t think he was alive still.
Holy shit. Erin actually made a semi-intelligent comment. And it was semi-amusing, albeit probably unintentionally. Colonel Sanders was indeed no longer with us when this game was made, assuming it was 1988.
12:00 – Mike is talking about some bullshit, Erin has no idea what he’s saying, and she just says “yeah” like six times in a row.
14:30 – She hands the controller to Mike because she wants nothing to do with video games.
15:00 – Erin is reading from the chat. “Can Erin be the new co-host on Talking About Games?” Mike tries to ignore this. But Erin continues. “Can you imagine if you and me did a podcast? It would be a mess.”
Indeed, Erin. As if these streams aren’t bad enough. Imagine a format where it’s nothing but Erin talking off the cuff.
Then Mike gets all defensive and suggests that these streams are basically a podcast. No.
15:45 –
Mike: So the difference is, I guess, that we wouldn’t have the game. We’d just be talking. So what would we talk about?”
Erin: Well, we would have topics.
NO SHIT! THAT WAS HIS QUESTION, YOU MORON!
Mike: So I have a topic.
Erin: What’s your topic?
Mike: Dynamite Dude.
I think that’s the game that they’re playing. I don’t know if I have the name right.
Erin: Well, I would like to play it as we’re…so I guess that this is the podcast.
Then they just end the discussion. TERRIBLE. Erin is completely incapable of having a conversation. About ANYTHING.
16:30 – Erin is reading from the chat. “I’m sorry to hear that, KTrain. I’d reach out to TeeSpring to see if they have a tracking thing.”
Some guy isn’t getting his “merch” and Erin just tells him to take it up with TeeSpring. She’s right, it has nothing really to do with her, but she doesn’t stand by her products? If TeeSpring is unreliable, maybe she shouldn’t do business with them.
19:00 – Erin reads from the chat. “What do I want for Christmas? I don’t know.”
How old is this?
It’s from two weeks ago. Erin has been doing A LOT of Splatterhouse “practice streams” lately. For hours. Every couple of days. Most people would this sort of thing in their spare time, for their own enjoyment, but not Erin because she has no interest in this shit. So everything has to be done on stream, for money.
She’s going to run Splatterhouse into the ground like she’s done with Castlevania and, more recently, Vampire Survivors. She’s all about these spooky goth type games. On stream, for money, anyway.
But anyway, back to the question. What does Erin want for Christmas? She doesn’t know. Because she has absolutely no hobbies or interests.
Then she says that she wants a bat Squishmallow. She’s 35 years old.
19:45 – They’re describing who the character in the game looks like.
Mike: It’s not really Donald Duck. It’s like Woody Woodpecker.
Erin: Yeah. Woody THE Woodpecker, yeah, and Sonic.
(Mike starts laughing)
Erin: Did I say it again?
Mike: I love that she has to say Woody the Woodpecker.
Erin: Woody the Woodpecker.
It was Mike’s initial mistake that caused this. Then Erin, in her usual attempt to pretend to know what’s going on, just repeated what Mike said.
21:00 – The next level takes place in Chicago.
Mike: Maybe we’ll see Al Bundy.
Erin: I hope so.
She has no idea who this is. She’s just pretending, as usual. Poorly.
23:15 – They’re switching games.
Mike: So you wanted to play Shinobi.
Erin: Yeah, I haven’t played that in a long time and I like the arcade one best.
I guess that playing in your spare time like a normal person was out of the question.
23:30 – Erin says, “This was one of my early videos.”
That must have been the first and last time that she played this.
25:30 – Erin is just rehashing everything that she said in the video that she made of this game. All the stupid fucking comments.
In case it needs to be said, Erin is terrible at the game.
27:15 – Spider-Man kills Erin. Erin says. “Fuck. I forget how I deal with that.”
Uh huh. Erin “always” “forgets” how to deal with Spider-Man.
31:00 – “I forget what I do there.”
It’s the second time that she’s said that she “forgets” what to do at this spot. Erin “always” “forgets” what to do here.
She also said that this is the Shinobi game that she knows the most. She played it twice in her life. Once for a Youtube video and once, on stream, for money. This is her third time.
33:30 – Erin dies to a guy who clearly can not be attacked from crouch attacking, but she constantly tries to crouch attack anyway. “Fuck. I’ve done it before but I just can’t remember what I do.”
Yeah. I think that I’ve reached my limit. But I was skimming and I noticed that they play Donkey Kong 3 briefly. Let me check this out. Erin recently expressed surprise to see that Donkey Kong was getting sprayed up his ass in this game. Erin “always” “forgets” that Donkey Kong’s ass gets sprayed in Donkey Kong 3.
1:21:15 – Erin is saying something to the horntards about Britney Spears. I have no idea what.
Mike: This is Donkey Kong 3.
Erin: Oh, I like this one.
Mike: This is Stanley. Do you know Stanley?
Erin: (long pause) I…ummm…no. Like what else he’s in besides this? I’m confused.
Mike: He’s in Donkey Kong 3.
Erin: Yes. Is the only game he’s in?
Mike: I guess.
Erin: Oh, I thought that you were going to continue, like he’s in something else.
She’s a big Donkey Kong 3 fan.
Where was this video where she expressed surprise at the fundamental gameplay mechanic of Donkey Kong 3? Let me peruse the archives.
Erin says, “This game stresses me out. I get stressed with everything.”
Then a few seconds later, Erin says, “You’re shooting bug spray up his ass.”
She’s clearly never seen the game before. Why would she say this otherwise? Why would she be surprised at the major thing that happens in the game?
And in this most recent video, Mike asks her if she knows Stanley and she clearly does not. She doesn’t have a fucking clue.
And yet she says that she likes the game. How can we reconcile all of this? Easy. She’s a lying bitch. That’s how.
By the way, Stanley was in LOADS of games.
https://www.mariowiki.com/Stanley
Right there on Mariopedia. Or whatever this is. He was in the WarioWare games. Erin has said before that she LOVES the WarioWare games. She played at least one of them on stream, for money.
Doesn’t know what other games Stanley was in. Doesn’t even know who Stanley is.
1:23:00 – “I’m so bad at this. I’ve only played this game a few times.”
Well, we’re getting close to the truth at least. Finally. Why not just say that from the beginning? Why did she start off by saying that she likes the game? She obviously has virtually no familiarity with the game. And that’s okay. Nobody gives a shit if Erin played Donkey Kong 3 before. Or if all of her experience with the game is on stream, for money. JUST ADMIT IT! STOP THE FUCKING LIES!
“I’m not good at it but I like it.”
She can’t. She’s a compulsive liar. Even after she said that she only played a few times, she said that she likes the game. Fuck. Off.
1:23:45 – Mike was explaining the game to Erin. Erin says, “It’s a very interesting concept. I like it. And you’re shooting bug spray up his ass.”
We know, Erin. We know this. I’ve know this since I was a kid and I first saw the game. The game was released in 1983. This is not news to anyone watching this. You’re the only person watching this stream who doesn’t know this.
1:24:15 – “I like how he knows that the bees won’t hurt him even though he’s the one banging on their hives.”
Then two seconds later, a hive lands on Donkey Kong’s head and kills him.
Erin really likes the game. And she knows all about it.
“I like when he does that. It’s like tsh-tsh-tsh.”
She’s talking about how Donkey Kong bangs on the beehives.
Why is this all so surprising to her? Erin seems to really like this game. It’s super cute. So why isn’t she playing it? In her spare time like a normal person?
1:25:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “Is Stanley from Game and Watch? That would make sense. I don’t know.”
Why don’t you know, Erin? You don’t seem to know much about Stanley at all.
I remember him from Mr Game and Watch on Smash Bros Melee. Erin obviously never played that game either. Show me the stream. If it’s not on stream, she hasn’t played it.
Then they turn the game off. What’s going on? Why didn’t Mike give the controller to Erin? It sounded like she was really interested in the game. It was cute. She liked the premise. Why didn’t she play it?
I guess that Erin “always” “forgets” to play Donkey Kong 3.
1:27:15 – After an abysmal attempt to explain what Mr Do is, Erin says, “I think that I’ve only had a candy apple once. No, it wasn’t a candy apple, it was a caramel apple. From Disneyland.”
It’s the same fucking thing, you cretin. Regional terms.
But of course, Erin only had the one. Because from birth to the age of 29, when she started her Youtube channel, Erin just sat in front of a wall and stared. No candy apples for Erin. No caramel apples either. Unless she goes to Disneyland. She goes to Disneyland a lot. Mike pays, of course, because Erin refuses to get a job like a normal adult.
Erin is describing this Disney candy apple like nobody ever had one before.
Erin: It was good but really hard to eat. Have you ever had like a straight up candied apple?
Mike: (exasperated) Like a thousand times.
Erin: But what’s like — sorry. Fuck. The attitude in that answer.
Because you’re the product of a sick social experiment, Erin. What would happen if you take somebody and have them do absolutely nothing for 30 years? No stimuli whatsoever. What you get is Erin. “I’ve never played this before. I’ve never seen this before. I’ve never eaten this before.” CONSTANTLY. She’s never seen or done ANYTHING.
Mike: I was shocked that you said you only had a candy apple one time.
Erin: Well, like a candied apple. Because it’s like different from a caramel apple.
Mike: It is.
It’s not. I know that they sell a product, at Disneyland, where they put candy on the apple instead of nuts. Or something. I’ve seen a picture. But it’s still fucking caramel that the candy is being stuck to. It’s still a caramel apple. “Candy apple” and “caramel apple” are just two different terms for the same thing. And there might be regional preferences for the terms.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caramel_apple
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_apple
It’s the same fucking product. Look at the pictures. An apple with a stick in it, coated with caramel and nuts.
But Erin’s only experience with the food is at Disneyland, and they do in fact have this product where it’s caramel and candy as opposed to caramel and nuts. So this is why she’s confused. This is why she thinks that there’s a different product called “candy apple” or “candied apple”.
And Mike, being a normal person, who wasn’t raised in this deeply immoral social experiment, can’t fathom any of this. Who the fuck has never eaten a candy apple before? Also known as a caramel apple. Same fucking product.
Actually, are these popular outside of the US? I’m thinking no. I’ve certainly never seen one outside of the US.
Allegedly, they’re popular in the UK on Guy Fawkes Night. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never partaken in that deeply troubling holiday.
They also say that they’re popular in Canada, Australia, Japan, Israel, there’s a whole list of countries. I’ve only seen them in the US, though. They’re sold commercially. In the grocery store. You can pick them up. Ready made.
Erin never had one before. Never even saw one before.
1:28:15 – “I guess I haven’t lived.”
Indeed, Erin. AT ALL.