Gamer Girls

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnylACmKoVE

With the death of the IrateGamerSucks blog, it’s up to me to pick up the slack.  I discuss the end of that blog here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2022/05/the-end-of-irate-gamer-sucks-blog.html

Hey guys!  Remember Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers?  

Vaguely.  I remember the name but I couldn’t tell you anything about the show.  I’m sure that I’ve seen at least one episode, though.

As for the NES game, no idea.  I didn’t have an NES.  

0:00 – “So recently, everybody seems to be abuzz about this new Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers movie.”

Oh.  That’s what this is about.  I never heard anything about this movie.  If people were abuzz over this, they weren’t people in my social circle.  

But yeah, I really don’t like this shit where Chris BORES chases the latest movie or game that’s coming out and tries to make a video somehow linked to this.  James Rolfe does the same thing, of course, and it’s just as unpleasant.

The best AVGN episodes aren’t the ones where there was a fucking tie-in that they were trying to cash in on.  Everything doesn’t have to be licensed bullshit.  Just review some shitty games in a comedic manner.  What’s so hard about that?  Everything has to be about the algorithm.  Everything has to be an attempted cash grab.

0:30 – By the way, Chris BORES has some cheap arcade cabinets in the background.  I don’t know exactly what they are but they’re mass-produced reproductions and I think it’s just the top half of the machine.  And they’re cheaply made, sold for a fairly low price.  Chris doesn’t want any of this shit.  These are just props for the background in these shitty videos.

He even said before that he sold all of his games because they were just props for the videos.  That’s why he doesn’t have the shelves full of games any more.  He sold all of that shit.  He replaced them with these cheap arcade half-cabinets.

1:00 – He makes a Pepsi Challenge half-joke.  What?  What even was this?  I think that Chris BORES is about my age.  Was it the series of commercials where people were challenged to tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi?  Was that even a thing?  Let me look this up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepsi_Challenge

Well, sort of.  It was a marketing campaign from 1975 to the early 1980s wherein people were asked to sample two unlabelled beverages (one Coke, one Pepsi) and asked which one they prefer.  I don’t remember this.  I remember the name but I didn’t know what it was.  It’s from before my time.  But somehow, Chris BORES, who’s the same age as me, decided to talk about this.

And his joke doesn’t even make sense.  He says that you can choose from “Pepsi Challenge Can 1″ or Pepsi Challenge Can 2”.  But in the actual Pepsi Challenge, you drink from BOTH.  Does he not know this?  These are the problems that arise when you talk about shit that happened when you were a toddler.

Then there’s a further stupid skit where Bores is looking at two boxes, one labelled “1”, the other labelled “2”, he looks at them, and says, “Oh my god.  I can’t decide.”

He doesn’t even know what the Pepsi Challenge is.  It’s obvious.  You’re supposed to drink the fucking beverages, not just look at them and decide which one you’re going to drink.

Or is the “joke” here that he already drank the beverages and is having a hard time deciding which one he prefers?  That would make more sense but…still…this whole thing should have been edited out.  It doesn’t really make sense.

1:15 – Oh god.  Cringely animated Chip n Dale characters acting as Chris BORES’ friends in this stupid thing.  

It’s always so embarrassing how every “friend” character in Chris BORES’ videos is just Chris BORES.  He’ll be in a costume or crudely animate something but it’s all just him.  He never has somebody else in the videos.  He doesn’t know anybody, or nobody is willing to appear in these awful videos, or he doesn’t want to share any potential profit or something.  But it just makes him look like he doesn’t have any friends.

Maybe he should get somebody like Screenwave to help with the videos and appear in them as his friends.  I think that Chris BORES lives in Michigan so too far away from Screenwave but maybe there are some local Youtube professionals.  

1:30 – Unfunny poop half-joke.  I won’t even transcribe it.

2:00 – God, I fucking hate his awful acting and the stupid faces he makes.  Who is this for?  Six year olds?  I don’t think that six year olds are watching this.  I think that the average age of somebody watching AVGN or Chris BORES is maybe 35?  Something like this.  The young people today aren’t interested in watching 40+ year old men talking about poop and NES games.  

Frankly, I don’t even know who the target demographic is for these videos.  Why would 35 year old men be interested in that?  This might be the problem.  A disconnect has occurred.  

When these people were 20, they found it kind of funny that a 25 year old man is talking about poop and video games released a few years earlier.

But as you get older, your tastes become more refined.  But Jimmy and Chris BORES just keep churning out the same old bullshit.  

And a 20 year old today is watching this and saying, “What the fuck is any of this?  Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers?  Pepsi Challenge?  What?  Why is this senile old man making these stupid faces?  This is uncomfortable.”

3:15 – “This ends up becoming a bunch of diarrhoea-drenched dick waffles.”

This right here is the biggest distinction between James Rolfe and Chris BORES.  By the way, I have NO IDEA what he’s referring to.

Both Jimmy and Chris will insert scat stuff into the videos.  Totally needlessly.  Jimmy does it because he has a fetish and Chris does it because he’s copying Jimmy.

But what makes Chris unique is that he also inserts homosexual stuff into his videos.  Probably the most blatant example of this was the AVGN/Irate Gamer “crossover” that I reviewed here:

https://gamergrrlsofficial.blogspot.com/2020/07/irate-gamer-vs-avgn-epic-crossover-dick.html

He talked about “boner biting dogs”.  And that was just one of many bizarre, homosexual references in that video.  He does this a lot.  Chris is clearly a gay man.  And not just any old gay man.  He’s into some really weird shit, even by the standards of homosexuals.

3:30 – He’s reading.  He says, “Jump on the water faucets to turn them off.”

But this isn’t what’s on the fucking screen.  It says, “You’ll need to shut off some water pipes to get through zone B.”

Then the next section is, “Just jump on the ta –” and the video cuts out.

I think that “tap” was the final word.  But why didn’t he just read it as it’s written?  And why didn’t he show what he was reading or at least paraphrasing from?  This is just bad editing, I guess.  And bad reading.

Then he’s reading something else and again, he doesn’t read it verbatim.  But it’s not as egregious this time.

4:30 – “Speaking of enemies, what the hell’s up with these rodents here?  Hey, hey, hey.  Let’s keep this G-rated, buddy.  I don’t know what this guy’s flinging at me, but it certainly doesn’t look kid-friendly.”

The character is throwing out three green balls.

Can anybody explain what Chris is suggesting?  Semen, presumably.  It doesn’t look anything like semen.  Is this what it looks like when Chris cums?  He shoots three bright green balls out of his penis?  

This was another gay reference shoe-horned into the video.  And it doesn’t even make sense.

4:45 – So now Chris BORES is at the end of the game and (poorly) reading/paraphrasing what the female love interest in the game says.  “Now she’ll tell you, ‘Hey, you just missed Fat Cat but now I’ve got a rocket for you.’  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Wait a minute.  Is she coming on to me with some weird sexual innuendos here?”

What?  No.  How would you possibly reach that conclusion?

But let’s look at this from Chris’ point of view.  He’s a gay man.  He doesn’t know how women speak in any kind of romantic setting.  

In gay culture, a “rocket” can obviously refer to a penis.  A woman would never say that because…what would the equivalent be for a woman?  A “rocket” can only be a penis.

This is what Chris BORES is used to.  Penis talk.  With gay men.  So he associated this “rocket” comment with some kind of sexual innuendo, not realising that women wouldn’t say something like that because it doesn’t make anatomical sense.

“Enough trying to make sense of this uncomfortable scene.”

Indeed, Chris.

5:15 – He calls a pelican enemy, “You long-necked dickle dicker.”

The character doesn’t even have a long neck.

But this is another bizarre, homosexual, penis reference that he shoe-horned into the video.

5:30 – BORES does some more awful reading/paraphrasing with accompanying bad acting/stupid faces.  “‘You almost fell into a hole’?  Like I fucking care.”

BORES is outraged by this.  He’s not falling into any holes.  Not the lady variety anyway.  

5:45 – Chris shoe-horns the words “ass crack” into the video.  

Then the video just…awkwardly ends.  He teases a review of the sequel so you’re thinking, “Okay, he’s going to do a follow up video on the sequel.”  But no.  It was just some sort of…set up to a weird half-joke that didn’t go anywhere.

So that’s the latest video from Chris “He’s So Good to His Mother” BORES.  It was just weird gay shit, as usual.  And not remotely funny or entertaining.

Chris “hearts” just about every comment.  What a douche.

– “Sad you had to use a game genie. You’re a disgrace to gaming.”

I’m surprised that he left this up but it’s encouraging.  Maybe there are some other “negative” comments.

– “Sick Pepsi Challenge reference, hahah.”

BORES replies, “Wasnt that great? Took me forever to figure out how to do those little boxes”

Wow.  He really loves his own work.  And those stupid boxes…that’s what he thinks was so great.  The “joke” didn’t even make fucking sense.