I thought that I’d give a Newt update.
So we’ve got an IDEA from the Ideas Man. Go to a restaurant. Or multiple restaurants, apparently. Order some food. Say that it’s your dog’s favourite meal and that you have to put him down tomorrow. And then…maybe you’ll get some free stuff. Then eat in the car.
There are a few holes in this plan but let’s start with the basis premise. Who feeds their dog food from a restaurant? “I’d like the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity for my dog, please.” Nobody does this. And if there was somebody who did this, the employee would surely know who you are because everybody would say, “There’s that crazy man who orders food for his dog” every time you enter the restaurant.
Now let’s look at the payoff. When I originally read this, I thought that he was angling for a free meal. No. He just wants free…spring rolls or something. A two dollar value. So you’re going to order a $20 meal, embarrass yourself by saying that it’s for your pet, in the HOPE of getting a cheap item thrown in for free. Whether you’re successful or not, you’re out twenty bucks.
None of this makes sense. But it’s giant scumbag behaviour. BAFFLING giant scumbag behaviour. Even the retards in the comments tell him not to do it.
- “please don’t actually do that.”
Newt is the worst person I’ve ever known and I’m beginning to understand why. He actually puts work into it. This doesn’t come naturally. He sits down and PLANS it. “How can I be bigger asshole today than I was yesterday? Oh, I know…what if I went to a restaurant and…”
And the ideas are all stupid. Because he’s stupid. But this is all the result of effort. The effort of a retarded man.
Here’s another scheme to be a giant asshole. He’s been bragging about this nude scene he’s apparently going to do for some homosexual zero budget “movie.” He’s got his diet and exercise plan all worked out. He’s not ACTUALLY dieting and exercising, but he has the plan.
Newt, this isn’t challenging. Eat less. That’s it. You’re done.
And he needs more than six months for this. He had some kimono video where he inexplicably flashed the camera and he needs to lose A LOT of weight.
He should be exercising with PVC Bondage Guy. She was in a video recently and she doesn’t seem to be getting any slimmer. She’s been “bulking” forever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWMrvNQO_6c
I won’t embed it because Newt has a disgusting thumbnail. But he starts the video by saying that a recent video of his was removed.
“Our Barbarian video was flagged and taken down by Youtube because the people who are occasionally on this show that I used to be on flagged it as anti-trans hate speech, considering that my co-host is a transperson.”
He always trots this out. WHAT is “trans” about PVC Bondage Guy? She looks like a woman. She sounds like a woman. She dresses like a (crazy) woman. WHAT’S MASCULINE ABOUT HER?
I guarantee that if PVC Bondage Guy had surgery done or was taking testosterone or was even dressing like a guy, Newt would be out of there. But he constantly uses PVC Bondage Guy as a crutch for his idiotic “trans” half-jokes. “Hey, this crazy woman says that she’s a man so that gives me free reign to say whatever I want.” Youtube apparently disagrees.
How many of his videos have been taken down? I thought that Youtube was stricter than this. Three videos taken down in…a year or two and they take your channel down. I don’t advocate for people getting their channels taken down but in Newt’s case, I wouldn’t mind.
So let’s look up this so-called “novel” Bigboobenstein.
Apparently, there were a trilogy of “novels” plus some short stories, none of which anybody read.
He wrote his own “biography” section.
“Hi. I’m Jeff. On January 1st, 2013 I woke up and realized that the Mayan doomsday prophecy didn’t quite pan out. So with that clean slate and a new lease on life, I decided it was high time I scratch another item off the bucket list and self-publish a book. That book was The Halloween Orgy Massacre. Since then I’ve self-published like 30 books or something in a variety of genres, but my true love is schlocky horror full of gratuitous sex, sophomoric humor, and campy violence. Beyond the writing, I play bass and sing for a band called MEAT, and live in New Hampshire with my wife and our adorable cat Stella.”
I don’t even need to comment. The sadness is evident.
75 reviews.
- “I received a paperback version of the book from the author because he is awesome and I am fabulous. Ohhh, and for review purposes, of course.”
Is that what this is? These are all reviews from people who were given the book for free?
A lot of these reviews seem to be written in the same style as well.
Let’s check Goodreads.
Oh, some of the exact same reviews. I don’t know if they automatically include Amazon reviews or they’re just copy and pasting the reviews.
The author gives his “review” too.
This is not really a review of my own book. In fact, it’s not a review at all. What I’m doing is telling the story of how what I believe to be my greatest creation came to be.
Within weeks before the release of this book, my ex-wife and I visited a psychic in Salem, Massachusetts. This is something we have often done, merely for shits and giggles. We had visited several before, and we had walked away every time laughing at how absurdly -and obviously- phony they all were. But then there was this lady. She didn’t do any awful cold-reads. She didn’t say my dead grandfather whose first name begins with J was standing behind me. She cut right to the heart of the matter and told me of very specific illnesses suffered by very specific members of my family. For someone who knows nothing about me short of my name to say your “blank” suffers from “blank”, and to have the knowledge be accurate, is a tad chilling. After a few more equally chilling and frighteningly specific acts of what I guess I’d call clairvoyance, she told me not to stop writing because my next book, and her exact words were, would “be the one that does it for you.” And nearly two years later, she was right about that too. Yes, the sales have been modest by any standards. But it has sold more copies than all the rest of my eleven books combined, and somehow continues to garner interest, unlike the others which have either plateaued or merely become forgotten even to myself. Unfortunately she didn’t say it would blast me into super-stardom, or even afford me an early retirement from cutting meat, but her words have thus far held true.
And it goes on. And on. And on. And then on some more. And then he continues. And then he has more stuff to say. And NONE of it is even REMOTELY interesting. But this guy LOVES his own shitty prose.
At least we know that none of this shit is selling. So why keep doing it? Why keep doing the same shit that nobody is buying? “Okay, my last 29 books that were ‘intentionally’ bad tits and gore shit didn’t do so well. So THIS time I’m going to…do the exact same thing.”
Why not try something different? Write a book about the singularity. A good one this time. Enough witht he “ironically” bad shit.
Because this is all that he can do. He knows that he can’t write so he writes “ironically” bad shit. And he gets NOTHING for his “efforts.”
He wrote this book in FOUR DAYS. I’m sure that it shows.
This is all the same exact formula that Newt has but about books instead of shitty “movies” that never go anywhere.
There aren’t any 1 star reviews so you know this is all made up bullshit. The only 2 star review is just some crazy guy’s rant against Trump.
Here’s the “star” of this movie that’s never going to get made.
A thoroughly unimpressive fat chick who in some of the pictures I thought, “Am I even looking at a woman here?”
It’s unbelievable. THIS woman wants you to pay for her OnlyFans.
And she has FOOD on her Amazon Wishlist. I’d like to see her go all out on this. Really own it. Instead of this dried fruit, just have cases of Fritos and tubs of Red Vines and beef jerky sold by the pound.
So we can all look forward to this big, fat chick and big, fat Newt naked in this horrible “movie” based on a horrible “book” that was written in four days. Who’s the market for any of this? There doesn’t seem to be one. These are strictly vanity projects where…I mean…even the author of the book says that he’s forgotten about a lot of his books. There are probably books that he’s “published” that literally nobody has read, NOT EVEN HIM. Complete waste of time.