Gamer Girls

I think that Newt was expecting some traction out of this. So even though I’ve got other stuff going on, I’ll throw him a bone.

In a recent article, I reiterated my idea that Newt should do genuine reviews of the movie reviews he got fired for (over wholesale plagiarism). I suggested that this should be done in October to coincide with Monster Madness.

So Newt claims that he’s already had this idea, he discussed it with his “therapist”, and they suggested that he not do it. But…that’s kind of what he’s doing here. A lazy version, anyway. Why bother to put effort into anything. Effort only leads to failure, when you’re Newt Wallen and don’t have any fucking talent for this shit, anyway. So instead, he made this video that he’s at pains to tell you is just rambling nonsense.

0:00 – He starts by showing his t-shirt that has a picture of the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz saying “brains”. Some zombie thing. But…I think that we’re supposed to be in on something. This is some kind of inside joke. But I don’t get it.

0:15 – Reference to the wholesale plagiarism. He doesn’t take responsibility for it, though. He keeps going on about this INSANE idea that he expected somebody to rewrite the script for him. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? He has a script, he’s presenting it at his own material. Why would somebody assume that this FINISHED SCRIPT is some sort of rough draft or notes or whatever. It’s a full script. You stole it from an article from some movie blog or something. The person who wrote the original article probably spent some time on it.

Here’s something that I just thought of: why were no alarm bells being rung at Screenwave when Newt handed in a script that wasn’t full of misspelled words and grammar errors? Newt might have a point, but not the one that he’s always trying to make. It seems that Justin WAS negligent in accepting these scripts as Newt’s own work.

If I’m Newt’s boss and he hands me a script that isn’t chock full of spelling and grammar errors, I’m saying, “Wait a minute, Ideas Man. Who are you trying to kid? You didn’t write this.”

It’s like in school when you hand in work that you just copied and pasted from a book and the teacher can see that it’s far too good for any fourth grader to write. You have to be smart with your plagiarism. Dumb it down. Put it in your own words. In Newt’s case, he should have intentionally misspelled words and mangled the grammar. Make it looks realistic.

So yeah, I’m saying that Justin dropped the ball. All right? Obviously, Newt shouldn’t have plagiarised so he was wrong there. BUT, if it’s Justin’s job to oversee the scripts, he should have picked up that the script was TOO GOOD. Nothing that Newt writes can be described as even remotely good. Justin couldn’t have possibly looked at these scripts, just as Newt claims. Because Justin knows that Newt can’t write for shit, Justin had been working with Newt for YEARS by this point. He’s seen those shitty ass Shark Vampire scripts.

0:30 – It cuts to Newt strolling down his “hood” in rural Pennsylvania, representing the Pittsburgh Phillies. According to Newt’s Twitter, he lives in Allentown, Pennyslvania. But I don’t think so. The movie theatre that he works at, I don’t remember what it was, is in some small town, which I also don’t remember. But Newt wants to pretend to be some “hard” guy from Allentown.

I’m not even sure how rough Allentown is. I know it’s a stereotypical working class town but that’s all that I know. Oh, and 1990s professional wrestler Kidman famously claimed to be from Allentown. Maybe PVC Bondage Guy can somehow use that information. She’s a big wrestling fan, after all. Going way back to 2024.

Oh, yeah. Billy Kidman is down here on Wikipedia’s “notable people” from Allentown. Also Lee Iacocca? That’s surprising. Sarah Knauss, the longest living American was also from Allentown. She was 119 when she died. I wonder if Newt tweeted about it. Brian Knobbs and Jerry Saggs as well. I never liked the Nasty Boys.

Anyway, Newt is walking past some garages and they all have their doors open by like a foot and a half. Why? What is this? Maybe somebody is working in there and they want ventilation. But…I don’t know. Why not open the door all the way? And is there sufficient light with the door only open that wide?

1:07 – Really dilapidated garage behind Newt and it has old furniture in the front of it.

And then the door right next to it has the door wide open. What is this? It looks like a residential neighborhood. EVERYONE is working on their cars? That’s three doors that were open out of five garages.

Newt should get in on this. Fuck this “movie” and Youtube bullshit. Start hanging out with these cool Fonzie types and learn how to work on cars. I didn’t even know that people did that any more, what with cars being so computerised now. Maybe they’re just doing custom shit like putting spinning rims on the tyres or something. But that’s still cooler than what he’s doing. Pimp your car out.

1:15 – Newt talks about this idea of doing a review on 28 Days Later to his therapist and she then picked up her phone, typed his name into Reddit, and said, “What do you think about it?”

I want to see qualifications from this woman.

2:00 – “This is a movie that I really, really like. This is a movie that has a lot of sentimental value to me.”

So much so that he couldn’t be bothered to write an original review.

2:15 – “I’m a dumb shit who thought that he could cobble together other people’s work and pass it off as someone else’s work for clout and to move up in a company for the 20% raise that I was told I was going to get if I finished all of these. That’s me. That’s 100% me. I fucked that all up and I deserved all of the negative shit that came from it.”

Was it really cobbled from different sources? My understanding is that he just straight up took this one woman’s review and turned it in as his own work.

2:30 – “I justified it in my head by saying, ‘Well, it’s going to get rewritten.'”

I still don’t get it.

3:00 – “Unless he doesn’t understand a word like ‘bovine’ or ‘pachyderm’, it’s usually just read.”

Newt is saying that James Rolfe doesn’t rewrite anything unless there’s a word that he doesn’t understand. That’s probably true. But that’s what James is PAYING you for. To WRITE the shit. If James was interested in doing any work, he would have written it to begin with.

4:30 – Now Newt is in his movie theatre, I think.

He’s just talking…whatever. If you want to hear his thoughts, check it out. I’ll just leave it on as background noise while I discuss my own view of the film.

I enjoyed it and thought it was interesting and realistic right up until the time they entered that military…whatever it was. The mansion that was taken over by the military. Then the protagonists suddenly became inexplicably hostile and the military inexplicably sadistic.

Wait…that’s all I had to say about it, I guess.

Well, how about Panic in the Year Zero then? I had a similar issue with that movie. It was a 1962 black and white B movie about a nuclear attack. It’s surprisingly realistic. The family is trying to flee the city by car after the attack and the roads are all blocked and whatever. And they encounter some ever-so-slightly rowdy beatniks on the road. The beatniks hassle the father for a little and then the family drives on.

So the family finds some camp site or something. The father starts burying…

14:00 – Oh, shoutout to Christie, “The girl who helped me write Die Laughing.” Also the woman who died of cancer who you couldn’t stop talking about fucking up the ass when she died.

But back to Panic in the Year Zero. The father is burying coffee cans full of food or supplies or something. This was an example of the realistic things in the movie. I gather that the father learned about this kind of thing from his experiences in World War II.

But then…wouldn’t you know it…they run into the beatniks again. In this fucking secluded campground. Maybe it wasn’t even a campground. Maybe it was the woods. I think that there was a cave. But the same fucking beatniks. And the beatniks were some real jerks. I think the family ended up shooting them and regretting it. But the beatniks were asking for it, constantly. And this is right after a nuclear attack.

Let me look this up. They got shot, right?

Yeah, all of the beatniks were killed. And the movie ends with the family driving to find a doctor, being stopped by the military, and a soldier saying that the family escaped “radiation sickness” by being in the mountains when the atomic bomb exploded. Never mind all of the nuclear fallout that happened subsequently.

The movie could have been so easily fixed by having it be DIFFERENT beatniks at the campground. What are the odds that the same exact beatniks who they met on the road would also end up at the campground? And the beatniks apparently beat the family there by days or weeks. How?

22:00 – Just out of nowhere, Newt shows a picture of his “friend” Alex (a woman, of course) who died this year. She had a lung transplant.

Don’t leave us hanging, Newt. Did you fuck her in the ass or not?

He’s looking through a photo album, by the way. He turns the page and there’s a picture of him with, I think, Horseface. No, it’s some other redhaired woman who he probably fucked in the ass. But Newt has blonde hair in these pictures.

He turns to another page and it’s all movie stubs that he saved. So this is like a photo album cum scrapbook. His memories of women, most of whom are probably dead now, who he fucked in the ass.

22:45 – “I Am Legend is the first date I went on with the Redhead.”

Horseface. So what was the ass fucking like? At least Horseface is still alive. Maybe that’s why Newt is so obsessed with her. She’s the one ex-girlfriend of his who’s still alive.

23:10 – You’ll have to pause it but there’s briefly some like professional headshot of Newt that’s partly covered by some movie ticket stub. Or maybe it’s just a big picture of some dude but that doesn’t seem to fit Newt’s…whatever he’s doing with this album.

Then he ends the video by saying that it’s his attempt at a “mea culpa.” Uh huh.

9/11. I was in graduate school. People were on tv jumping out of windows and shit and I was living not too far from New York. But I was dedicated. So I went to class and it was just me and some nerdy guy and his nerdy roommate. The doors to all of the buildings were locked. So I meet up with them and said, “Is there no class today or what?” One of them says, “It seems that way.” So I went home.

That’s my fabulous 9/11 story. Almost as good as James Rolfe’s story where his father was helping him move and they ended up at a bar and a janitor said…something inconsequential to them about the television. I don’t remember exactly.

What was Newt doing? Fucking somebody in the ass, no doubt.

I’m looking for the article that Newt plagiarised from. I’m not finding it. But here’s a Reddit post talking about it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCinemassacreTruth/comments/pzmubz/fire_newt_wallen_for_blatant_plagiarism_in_the_28/

None of the people who left comments post there any more. The original poster, “elProtagonist” is too busy posting on Star Wars and UFO subreddits. Loads of other accounts have been suspended or deleted. Fred Schachinger is only posting on Pearl Jam, Tool, and other 1990s band subreddits. Wait, MagnificentBe? He’s still around, isn’t he? No, he hasn’t posted in over a year.

So my point is that all of these inconsequential nerds have moved on. A lot of them are probably dead. Newt probably tweeted about their deaths. But Newt hasn’t moved on. He’s still talking about the same old shit. For four years.

Oh, I found the original article.

Review: 28 Days Later

But my point is that nobody cares. These are complete losers who jumped on this nerd topic of AVGN and now they’ve moved on to other nerd shit. The current crop of nerds will do the same. Who cares?

Apparently, that’s a blog. It looks like a non-blog website but it’s using WordPress. Does that mean that it’s a blog? Maybe not.

But Mike Matei was recently talking about his blog.

https://www.mikematei.com/blog

“The blog was torn down and redesigned from scratch due to WordPress being horrendous. Now it’s just a normal website. Everything should look cleaner and load faster now.”

I use WordPress and it’s perfectly fine but Mike thinks that people give a shit about this nerdy discussion. Now I can’t even find his article where he had SOMEBODY ELSE talk about Donald Duck on Mike’s behalf. It was like the most recent article that he wrote. Well, the other person wrote, anyway. Probably Bitch Duo.

But because he got rid of WordPress, things aren’t sorted by date any more. And there’s no way to search the site. Not natively, anyway. Oh wait, no, it’s on here.

https://www.mikematei.com/blog/who-really-created-donald-duck/index.html

Shout out to David G for the bang up article.

I wish people would write articles for the blog. Somebody wrote one on Reddit and it was perfectly funny and in my style. It’s not hard to do. But you wouldn’t even have to write in my style. And you can write about whatever you want. I mean, it should probably be about a Youtuber but it doesn’t have to be. I bet there’s still that guy out there waiting for a story about the singularity. You can write it. Do what you want.

If Newt wants to write some articles, he can write them. Just try to keep the plagiarism to a minimum.

So seriously, if anyone is interested, leave a message. We could have a new article every day. All I have to do is give you some permissions on the website and you can write at your leisure directly onto the site whenever the spirit moves you.