You can put it in caps all you like, Newt. People still aren’t going to watch.
Newt has been putting some different prostitutes in his videos for the past…how long has it been? Two months? When did we last see PVC Bondage Guy? Yeah, two months ago.
So he’s bringing in a new crew or working gals from his enormous rolodex of prostitutes. There was Amber for a while. He just talked about fucking her all the time while she wanted to talk about, you know, anything else. I couldn’t watch the videos so can’t tell you much about them.
Then there was this Gypsy woman.
Maybe she’s just working on her Rhoda Halloween costume. You guys like Rhoda, don’t you? Such a contemporary reference. I’m currently working on a one man show around Flo, the sassy waitress from Alice.
But anyway, this gypsy seems…okay? I guess. I watched about two minutes of her showing off Simpsons crap that she got from Burger King. The subject matter made things tolerable but I’m sure that she’s just as insufferable as all the other prostitutes that Newt has around him.
Except for PVC Bondage Guy. PVC Bondage Guy is a rock. I don’t care what anyone says, she’s okay in my books. But she hasn’t been seen since she literally doubled in size. I suspect that the two things are linked. Newt said, “I can put up with craziness, horse faces, gold-diggers, but absolutely no fat chicks.”
It’s unfortunate. PVC Bondage Guy was the one decent co-host he had. She was to Newt was Newt was to Tony from Hack the Movies. All of Tony’s co-hosts were SHIT: Horseface, Johanna, Mint Salad, her fat hillbilly pimp, all of those bearded nobodies. But Newt was actually good on the show. When Horseface wasn’t around, at least.
Oh well. Hopefully, PVC Bondage Guy is getting the help that she needs. That woman needs a whole team of psychiatrists working with her.
So we’ve got fucking…I don’t know…what’s her name on this. Mel? Who knows or cares?
1:00 – Newt is talking about the heated chairs in the cinema. “You were pushing buttons and were like’ Oh, my butt’s getting warm’ and I was like, ‘Well…'”
Umm…is that how female anatomy works? Their butts get warm when they’re aroused? I don’t think so. I’ll have to ask my doctor next time I have an appointment.
What a fucking retard. What is he even implying? Can his understanding of human physiology possibly be this bad? There’s some sort of anal response to arousal? He’s a fucking moron. Always ready to shoe-horn a painfully unfunny sex joke where it doesn’t belong even if said joke makes NO SENSE.
Newt has that replica Rocky belt on the wall behind him that some horntard gave him. He also allegedly took some nude pictures or…something…with it on his OnlyFans. Who even knows? Who is possibly going to Newt’s OnlyFans? But he posts gay shit on there. Not even joking. He says that he sold pictures of his cock to some old gay guys.
And he has “NW” letters behind him like he’s 10 years old. He really wants people to know what his name is. He decorates his home with HIS NAME.
7:30 – Anyway, they’re talking about the movie. I’m sure that they’re going to talk about some creepy shit but I’m bored out of my mind. Newt, fuck off with this. It’s unwatchable. You’re a bore. Your prostitutes are a bore.
You wouldn’t think it. On the face of it, a man doing a Youtube channel with a bunch of prostitutes SHOULD be interesting. They’re going to have stories to tell, whatever. But no. They just summarise a fucking movie and Newt sometimes makes some creepy comment to the prostitute’s displeasure. In the case of that fucking crack addict, she’ll tell you to send her money. That’s it. I don’t want to watch that. Come on. Give the audience some credit.
If you have nothing interesting to say, just don’t make a video. We don’t need this. And Newt never has anything interesting to say. He has about five topics: his failing health, his “tits and gore” movies that never get made, his boring as fuck movie summaries, what’s up with white folk, and how his mother never said that she loved him.
Can you blame her, Newt? Come on. You’re trash.
He’s probably the worst person I’ve ever know. And that covers a lot of territory.
Oh, Linda Lavin died just about a month ago. I assume that Newt tweeted about it. Polly Holliday is still with us, fortunately.