Gamer Girls

Come on, Ideas Man. Get some new fucking ideas. This is desperate, pathetic bullshit. And it’s not going to work. If people want porn, they’re not to Newt Wallen’s Youtube channel. Even these gay ladyboys surely have better options.

So Newt starts talking about how he shit out another script, this time about a fairy who produces pornography that people find in the woods. Similar to the “morning wood fairy” from Beavis & Butthead. More plagiarism from this guy.

This whore he’s with…what’s her name…Mel says that she knows all about forest porn.

4:45 – She starts talking about her expertise on pornographic magazines. “Playboy was very tame compared to anything that you found in Penthouse and Hustler. Those were the two main guys.”

What does this woman know about porno? I’m pretty sure that she’s talking about 1980s and 1990s pornographic magazines. Yeah, of course Penthouse was more explicit than Playboy but only a tiny bit. They’d show simulated lesbian stuff, for example. There would be a woman with her tongue half an inch from a woman’s pussy or something. But you could never touch. That was the rule for everything. Even the genuine more explicit magazines never showed any kind of penetration or even licking a boob. None of this. Even an erection wasn’t seen.

But Penthouse absolutely did not have any male nudity or even shots where the woman is spreading her pussy. This was the big distinction between the tamer stuff like Playboy and Penthouse and the more explicit stuff. “Pink shots”. That totally inexplicable, disgusting phenomenon that existed in pornographic magazines of the era. People apparently want to see this. They want to see a woman spreading her pussy. I don’t get it.

In any event, that was the distinction. And you’d see this possibly in Hustler. I don’t know. I never saw a Hustler. But I saw Hustler publications like Busty Beauties which definitely had these pink shots.

Harder still was a publication like Juggs. They’d show weird stuff involving women in the vicinity of a flaccid penis, for example. And of course the spread pussies.

By 1998, Busty Beauties was becoming more hardcore. I know that it was 1998 because I have the exact issue where they showed penetration for the first time. It was a shot from a movie called Spank Me, Fuck Me starring Minka and Kayla Kleevage and you see Kayla Kleevage on her knees with Ron Jeremy’s dick in her mouth. Uncensored. Because any kind of penetration, in the ads, for example, was always censored with a black dot. And they parodied this for this picture by putting a black bar across Ron Jeremy’s eyes like they were trying to keep him anonymous. And they said from now on, they’re going hardcore and showing full penetration.

I stopped buying magazines after that because I got the internet so I don’t know how things progressed from there.

5:00 – This whore says that she’s allegedly in a magazine because she let some guy take pictures of her and submit them.

God. Those “amateur” pages were always dogshit. I don’t want to see these women naked. This is gross. How could these women even think that people want to see this? REALLY unattractive women. I never even saw one that I wanted to jerk off to.

I suppose that it was the 1990s equivalent of these delusional women who start OnlyFans or whatever.

6:30 – Newt starts talking about porn and this whore says that they never showed penetration in the movies. I guess that’s true. I think that they were actual pornographic movies with penetration but they must have been re-cut for the Spice Channel because I remember a lot of scenes where the woman’s hair was covering the blowjob.

12:00 – This whore is rattling off names of porn starts from the 1980s and 1990s that she likes. It’s some weird bullshit, just random white women. And Newt is enthusiastically agreeing with all of them. But then she says Vanessa Del Rio, one of the most well-known porn stars of all time, I believe she was Puerto Rican or something, she was huge among black guys, and Newt just says “oh, okay.”

What’s going on, Newt? You’re down with the homies, right? Vanessa Del Rio doesn’t do it for you? He’s interested in these basic bitches like Christy Canyon. I never even heard of her.

14:15 – Now Newt is talking about porn that he found in the woods. I have absolutely no experience with this. There were no wooded areas near me. Where are these people living that there were woods? Or am I the weirdo? I was unfortunate to live in a ghetto. But even in my adult life, I’ve never lived anywhere where woods were within walking distance. Who the fuck knows? I need to move to rural Pennsylvania, I guess.

16:45 – Newt says “before all of that shit happened, Ron Jeremy and I were really friendly. I stayed at his house.”

Before all of what happened? Apparently they were BFFs and Ron Jeremy was able to overlook Newt’s plagiarism but Newt couldn’t return the favour and overlook this railroading of Ron Jeremy. What even were the charges? I just heard that her rubbed up against some whores at a whore convention. Isn’t that the done thing? And it’s Ron Jeremy. What did they expect? But Newt is pretending to be outraged by this.

19:15 – “A buddy of mine is a blogger of gay porn.”

What? This is all in the context of Newt going on and on and on about all the “friends” he has in the porn industry. Including Ron Jeremy but there were a bunch of lesser known people who he mentioned. Now he’s BFF’s with gay porn blogger? How is that even a job? Who’s going to a blog for porn?

Many years ago, I went to some porn blog for a brief time but this was before XVideos and everything. You’d go there and you could download shit. This was in 56k modem days.

19:30 – “You ever see when a dog swallows a bee?”

And this whore, inexplicably, says “yeah.” Oh, sure, Newt. We’ve all seen dogs swallowing bees.

What the fuck? Why did she say “yeah”? Did she seriously see a dog swallow a bee? Am I weird for not having a dog swallow a bee?

Anyway, apparently this is what this guy’s penis looked like after injecting it with something. It looked like a dog swallowing a bee. Whatever that might look like.

19:45 – “I actually knew a guy who was a stunt cock.”

The whore said this. Oh yeah. Stunt cock. That’s a real profession that exists.

These people are fucking morons.

20:00 – Newt is now saying that he’s BFFs with Lexington Steel. Basically everybody. Every porn star that ever existed, Newt is BFFs with them.

21:15 – Newt says that he always gets press passes to the big time porn conventions because of some Silvermania video that he did years ago that nobody has watched. It’s the one where he interviewed porn stars and asked them stupid questions. That old gag that’s been done a billion times before. The Ideas Man.

22:15 – Newt tells this whore his great idea of doing a movie review while getting a blowjob. He says that he’s been unable to find anybody willing to do this yet.

Why not? You know every porn star on earth. You can’t ask any of them? Maybe $100 would help.

24:15 – Newt says that he sold hardcore porn at the comic book shop that he worked at. Uh huh. Which comic book shop was this? Because I’m pretty sure that this isn’t allowed. I’ve certainly never seen it. A comic book slash/porn shop? No. Doesn’t exist, Newt.

25:00 – Newt also went to the barber shop with his grandfather and there was porn on the table.

28:30 – Newt went to a gay porn theatre when he was 16.

30:15 – This whore talks about her time in the “dance community.” She’s talking about stripping.

Newt then says that Madeline, that crack whore who’s Newt’s substitute for Horseface, is also a stripper.

34:00 – One of Newt’s former’s girlfriend’s father owned a gay bar. Newt, we get it. You’re gay. Come on. Nobody cares. Go show your penis to Joe from Game Sack some more.

36:00 – Newt says that he was in some porn video where some woman with long nails was jerking his dick off. Uh huh. I’m sure Joe from Game Sack loved that one.

46:30 – Newt says that he rejected his BFF Ron Jeremy after all of those allegations (or I guess convictions) because Newt was “victimised as a kid.” I think that he’s mentioned this before. It just seems an odd thing to throw out there. What is he hoping to achieve with this?

48:00 – Newt is talking about how he knows somebody who knows Asia Carerra. And she “liked” something of Newt’s on Facebook. Great story, Newt. I’m fully erect here.

54:00 – This whore goes on and on and on about a porn scene she saw where a women had a leaky vagina.

57:00 – “So this is our first porn-adjacent OnlyFans.”

I believe that this video was first posted on Newt’s OnlyFans. He mentioned earlier that the video couldn’t be posted to Youtube. But he did post it to Youtube.

So we were supposed to PAY to watch this video. We were supposed to pay for NEWT WALLEN’S OnlyFans. FOR THIS! You get to see this and Newt’s sex video with the mentally ill PVC Bondage Guy. And if you’re a desperate gay man, you can badger Newt for pictures of his penis and he’ll oblige. Or if you’re Joe from Game Sack, he’ll show you.

Why would anybody pay for this? What even is his OnlyFans? He never advertises it.

https://onlyfans.com/schlockandawe

Five bucks a month. “Bringing you all those not safe for youtube videos an images here to Only fans.” That’s his description. It’s full of spelling and grammar errors, of course.

Why would I possibly pay five bucks a month for this? It’s presumably all gay men. But why would a gay man sign up to see shitty Youtube videos and the poster for XXX-Mas? It’s madness. I think that there are like three things that you can see on that site. He’s posted three things in like a year.