Gamer Girls

I’ve been reading this “script” the past few days and I realised that as little sense as it makes to me, it would make even less sense to somebody who doesn’t get all of these inside references about Newt’s life. Way less sense. And it already doesn’t make sense.

Who is this thing written for? The handful of people who know about Newt’s weird obsessions? It’s ridiculous. This has no appeal at all.

The Newt character just suddenly says, “so hey. not to be capin bring down. but are we just not gonna address the ethical, exploitation and autonomy of womens bodies element of this story.”

This must the “satire” of “sex workers” that he promised. Just shoehorned in from out of nowhere and with a nod to his terrible writing. And in response to this, Dr Lemlie says, “my advice. as a doctor. is dont stress it too much. if we think to hard about anything in this story it all pretty much falls apart.”

So he’s again admitting that the script is total shit. Which it is. It’s got to be the worst fucking thing that I’ve ever read. Why is he doing this? This is what a fucking retard would write. And he has dozens or hundreds of these scripts that he shat out in a day that are presumably WORSE than this one. Because he’s proud of this one. All of his whore “friends” said that it was great.

Then Fritz/Newt asks what the “end game” of this is. Some character named Lona, who I think is Werewolf Big Tits says “more sexy lady monsters.” Then it’s immediately more animated intros for “sexy” monsters.

We’ve got Michael Meyers Big Tits, Alien Big Tits, and, oddly, Lucha Libre Big Tits. Not sure how that last one is a monster. Or the alien for that matter. But he obviously got desperate. “Just find a Mexican whore and put a wrestling mask on her.”

God, these are really disappointing. Even by the absolute shit standards of the script. We had vampire, mummy, and werewolf for the first wave of “sexy” monsters. Now we’ve got Michael Meyers (a man), an alien, and a Mexican wrestler.

I know that he already used the big ones but what about the Creature from the Black Lagoon, The Invisible Woman, and a zombie? I know that The Invisible Woman would require more special effects but just don’t ever unwrap her. This way, you can give her giant, exaggerated tits down to her waist because you never have to reveal who the actor is. It can be a dude playing the character.

And sure, The Invisible Woman and the Mummy are conceptually similar. They’re bother wrapped in bandages. But The Invisible Woman would be dressed in, whatever, 1930s attire whereas the Mummy is dressed in ancient Egyptian attire.

“hey. has anyone seen the redhead lately”

It just comes out of nowhere, of course.

Then there’s a scene change to a tv news anchor saying that Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls’ stock price has gone up. Because apparently Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls, which started as a privately-owned website by Dr Whatever, has gone public. I don’t think that Newt has the foggiest idea how economics works.

Then we cut to Ryan Schott saying, “WHY ME…WHY MUST I SUFFER. CANT THEY SEE HOW I…A RICH WHITE MALE AM THE MOST PERECUTED OF ALL PEOPLES IN THESE UNITED STATES..”

“Persecute”, presumably. But here’s just Newt shoehorning racist bullshit in here to show that he’s down with the homies. And the grammar, as usual, is awful.

Then the Horseface character promises Ryan Schott that if he makes her famous, she’ll give pictures that she took of the castle. How…I have so many questions.

First of all, she was already popular on social media. That’s why Dr Whoever took her in.

Secondly, how did her fame help the monster porn site AT ALL? It’s never explained.

Thirdly, why did Dr Whoever take her in, this person who she apparently didn’t know, if not to somehow gain some kind of advantage?

Fourthly, how are these pictures even going to help?

Fifthly, if Horseface isn’t famous, how is Ryan Schott going to make her famous?

These questions and a billion more are not going to be answered because this script doesn’t make one iota of sense.

Then suddenly, Justin Silverman and Tony are captured by Ryan Schott. Nothing is explained, of course. Why do they even want to capture them?

One of Ryan Schott’s henchmen says that he wants Justin and Tony to lead them to the castle. But that’s what fucking Horseface was negotiating for. Horseface was promising to lead them to the castle. Why do they need THREE people to do this? One is enough.

And then even though Justin and Tony were captured by these violent thugs of Ryan Schott, these thugs offer large sums of money to Justin and Tony to tell them where they castle is. WHY WOULDN’T THEY JUST THREATEN AND TORTURE THEM?

You’ve captured somebody. Alright? You’re a thug. And you want to find out the location of a big drug stash or something. This person knows where the drug stash is. You have them tied to a chair. Are you going to say, “Hey, if you tell me where it is, I’ll give you $10,000” or are you going to get the fucking pliers?

Then there’s suddenly a montage of “sexy” monsters getting dressed and undressed.

Somehow, the monsters find out that Horseface gave the information about their castle to Ryan Schott. And for the second time, Newt uses the joke that she “Lando’d ” them. Two times. Two times in the same script. He thought it was so hilarious that he’s use it twice.

Who even is this Horseface character? Why did Dr Whoever befriend her or whatever the fuck the relationship was? What was gained from any of this by either party? Horseface has a big social media following so…what? What came of that? How did that help Dr Whoever IN ANY WAY? And what was in this for Horseface?

They’re talking about how Horseface knows all of their secrets. HOW? I think that she was only at the castle briefly. The other monsters there didn’t even know she was. I gather that she was only there for a few hours at the most.

Then suddenly Ryan Schott, Horseface, Tony, and Justin are at Dr Whoever’s castle. I’m not sure why Tony and Justin are there. They weren’t needed in the end. Even though they were offered all of that money for the location of the castle. Because they got the location from Horseface instead. But somehow, Tony and Justin are going to be used as human shields now. Who the fuck knows? This is all nonsense. Nothing is explained. It’s all illogical bullshit written by a retard.

Ryan Schott offers to have sex with Horseface.

Then we shift to a livestream of the “sexy” monsters doing “sexy” things. They’re all the original “sexy” monsters, by the way. Not the ones that they introduced halfway through the movie and then did nothing with. You know, Michael Meyers, the alien, and the Mexican wrestler. Those characters went nowhere. As quickly as they appeared, they left.

Then a few pages later, for reasons that I can’t explain, Ryan Schott and the gang are in the forest looking for the castle. WEREN’T THEY JUST AT THE CASTLE?

Then they find the castle. Again, I think. And go in this time.

Werewolf Big Tits attacks them but Justin throws a ball at it and it goes and chases it. That old gag that’s been done a billion times, plagiarised once more for your enjoyment.

One of Ryan Schott’s monster hunters kills the ape with a camera for a head. That character went absolutely nowhere. None of these characters did. If you’re hoping for characters arcs and redemptions and…no. This is not the movie for you. This is a movie for people who want a lot of illogical, unfunny, retarded bullshit that doesn’t make any sense.

Mummy Big Tits kills one of the totally forgetable monster hunters. I think.

Newt keeps mentioning something called a “walkie”. As in walkie talkie? A radio? What the fuck is this?

Horseface dies to some unknown thing. I think. It’s explained in two sentences.

One of the monster hunters kills Mummy Big Tits, exploding her face in a puff of sand and then says, “still got it.” He plagiarised this joke from a Simpsons Halloween episode which was a parody of The Omega Man where Homer punches a long-dead man whose head explodes in a puff of sand and then says, “Still got it.”

One of the monster hunters is then immediately killed by Frankenstein Big Tits.

Vampire big tits kills what I think is the last totally forgetable monster hunter.

Then Frankenstein Big Tits and Vampire Big Tits start kissing.

Ryan Schott kills Justin and Tony for some reason. Nothing is explained, of course. There’s no setup to anything. It’s just stuff randomly happening.

Ryan Scott reaches Dr Whatever. Horseface is now captured by Igor Big Tits. Nothing is explained. Just stuff happening.

Ryan Schott tells Dr Whatever to let Horseface go because Ryan Schott wants to “loose” his virginity to her. Implying rape. Newt wrote a script about raping Horseface.

Frankenstein Big Tits, Werewolf Big Tits, and Vampire Big Tits suddenly appeal. They start surrounding Ryan Schott. I guess that Igor Big Tits is also there but I don’t know.

Horseface says that her plan worked. Two more references to Lando. It’s not explained what the fuck her plan was or what the fuck is going on.

Swords are drawn. “then out of nowhere blake swings a sword lopping off sloans head”.

Sloan is the Ryan Schott character. You might be asking who Blake is. I DON’T KNOW! I think it was one of the unknown henchmen of Ryan Schott. Apparently they weren’t all killed. But just for reasons that aren’t explained, this character who we don’t even know, killed Ryan Schott for reasons that nobody knows.

Then Blake asks to “join their team”. He picks up Ryan Schott’s severed head and says, “what do you say huh…can I join your team…look….im giving head on camera”. So that bizarre, nonsensical, unsatisfying ending was just to shoehorn another unfunny sex pun in here.

Then the characters say that this was anti-climactic. More “jokes” about how Newt can’t write.

Then there’s a “sexy” monster montage.

Then for some reason Fritz/Newt legally changes Dr Whatever’s name to Dr Frankenstein. Newt, let me explain something to you. The person who wants their name changed has to be the person who does it. You can’t change somebody else’s name without their permission.

And Blake somehow made it so Dr Whatever now owns Screenwave. How? It’s not explained. NOTHING is explained. EVER.

Horseface tries to sneak out even though this is now at least a few hours since Ryan Schott was killed. Igor Big Tits says, “oh yeah. what do we do about little ms 6 foot baby giraffe over there”. More bizarre insults for Horseface and it’s just Newt being self-conscious about his height. Little Man Syndrome.

Then Dr Frankenstein says not to worry about Horseface, she’ll be dealt with in “part 2”.

The script ends with a “sexy” monster montage.

Newt, there is not going to be a part 2. There’s not going to be a part 1. There is no godly way that this total piece of shit is ever going to be made.

HOW IS IT POSSIBLE that those whores told him that this was good? And that he believed it? To call this total dogshit is an affront to dogshit.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE SATIRE? He promised us satire about “toxic masculinity” and “draining the last drops of an IP” and “sex workers having agency over their own bodies.” THERE WAS NONE OF THAT.

Nothing even made sense. Nothing was set up. It was just random shit happening with no explanation.

And even with those loose rules where you can do whatever you want at any time, it STILL wasn’t funny. Not even a tiny bit. Ever.

He was shoehorning jokes in there but not a single one of them was worth reading. And a lot of them were plagiarised.

He introduced those monster characters like the Mexican Wrestler and then LITERALLY did nothing with them. They weren’t mentioned again. It was just, “Here’s our new group of monsters” and then gone. As soon as they’re introduced, they’re gone.

The end is just people randomly getting killed by random people. Nothing is explained. No set up. Certainly nothing even remotely clever is going on. It’s just people magically getting transported to places so that they can quickly kill a character.

He has hundreds of these scripts. I can’t believe it. And what’s even more baffling is that he honestly thinks that these are GOOD.

This is so far from good…it’s on the opposite universe of good. The finite mind cannot comprehend how infinitely bad this script is. And yet these fucking whores had the audacity to tell him that this was good AND HE BELIEVED IT.

Even for a script shit out in one day this was fucking dog shit. I expect a script written in one day to at least MAKE SENSE.

Newt, listen to what I’m telling you. You want constructive criticism, here it is. Take this script, move it to the recycle bin of your computer, right click, and click “empty recycle bin.” There is nothing worth salvaging here. Every page, every word, was shit. What the fuck are you possibly thinking?

This is not for you. You have no talent AT ALL for writing scripts. It’s fine. Who cares about writing scripts? Do something else with your time. Make the Youtube videos. I don’t give a shit. But this script writing needs to stop. You’re completely delusional. You need professional help.