Gamer Girls

Let’s continue our slog through this dreck.

Dr Lemlie: right where was i….

Horseface: your family was forced to change their name

Shegore: whos she

Fritz yeah i was wondering the same

Photog: i thought she was with you

Horseface: im sapphire

Dr Lemlie: oh right. yeah thats sapphire

Fritz: but whos sapphire

Horseface: me

It’s worse than any school play. These three people appear OUT OF NOWHERE while Dr Lemlie is about to do something with a cadaver. You’d think that the two people with Horseface/Sapphire would know who she is. But even if they don’t…oh, god it’s the worst fucking dialogue ever written.

So Dr Lemlie/Dr Frankenstein’s distant relative says, “sweet new born baby jesus. can we just let me exposition drop this shit please…so we can move on with the fucking plot. I assure you it will all make sense….well…kinda”

He makes a joke of his terrible writing ability.

So then Dr Lemlie just starts describing who these people are. But…WOULDN’T THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE?

You’re going to work. You have a co-worker named Bill. You and Bill have worked there for five years. You know each other. Then your boss comes in and says, “This is Bill. He works in accounts. And you’re Robert. You work in IT.” It makes no fucking sense. Who is this introduction for?

So Dr Lemlie is introducting Fritz to people who already know who Fritz is AND to Fritz himself. And Dr Lemlie says, “what you lack in intellect and physical attractiveness you more than make up for with….ummm…hmmm. ill get back to you on that”.

“fritz turns to photog and puts his hands apart as if to show he has a large penis. he smiles a smug smile then goes for a high 5”

Fritz is supposed to be Newt.

Then Sapphire/Horseface says “and sapphire.”

I didn’t leave anything out. Directly after Dr Lemlie introduces Fritz TO HIMSELF, Sapphire then says “and sapphire.”

Now, if she said, and I’M sapphire” that wouldn’t make much logical sense but it would at least make grammatical sense. Simply saying “and sapphire” makes no sense at all, logically, grammatically, anything.

So then Dr Lemlie says, “oh my god sapphire. not everything is about you….fuuuuccccck.”

It’s a reference to Horseface being self-obsessed. Then there’s a stage direction that says, “sapphire gets bitch face then raises a cup of expensive designer coffee.” Horseface does that sort of thing on Twitter. She’ll post pictures of her with a coffee.

Newt expects to win Horseface back with this shit? This fucking psycotic bullshit that’s constantly insulting her? What is the point of this? What’s the goal here?

I remind you that a retarded man PAID for this script. This script that’s just Newt’s HORRIBLY-written revenge script against people who stopped talking to him after he plagiarised 20 scripts for Monster Madness.

Then Dr Lemlie says, “so dont know if you all realized it or not but we are pretty much flat on our ass broke.”

These people all, apparently, live in this castle. Alright? The castle is in Pennsylvania, which raises its own set of questions. But the question that I’m still unsure of is why didn’t these other people, who all live together in the castle, know who Sapphire/Horseface was? It’s not explained. This is complete and total dogshit.

Photog asks if Dr Lemlie is going to “loose” the castle as a result of her debts.

So these monsters or whatever the fuck they are are concerned that they’re going to have to find new places to live if Dr Lemlie “looses” the castle. Because she has a lot of bills. It’s not explained what the bills are for. Nothing is explained in this fucking piece of shit. So Dr Lemlie says, “wait…were you all here for my money. thats super lame…and not for nothing. kinda sobering.”

It’s a reference to Newt not liking how his prostitute “friends” only spend time with him when he’s paying them. Newt…that’s the fucking deal. If you want friends, get real friends, not whores. Whores are whores. Friends are friends. Never the twain shall meet.

But from the perspective of the script it makes NO SENSE. Of course it doesn’t. Nothing does.

These are people who live in the castle. Alright? They’re afraid of becoming homeless if Dr Lemlie “looses” the castle. That’s a perfectly valid concern. But Dr Lemlie, for some unknown reason, finds this personally offensive like they’re just using her for money. No, you fucking idiot. THEY LIVE THERE. THEY WORK THERE. It’s not a charity. They’re not leeching off of you. You created some of these people.

Photog: you made me in a lab. I am like a declawed cat….kinda couldnt make it on my own even if I wanted to

Dr Lemlie: no…see these occult items. they dont cost money

Sapphire: but you literally just said they did. this is stupid. your all stupid.

WHAT OCCULT ITEMS? WHERE DID SHE SAY THAT THEY COST MONEY? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

And it’s “you’re”, Newt. “You’re” an idiot who could not write a coherent script to save his miserable life.

Newt showed this script to various whores who all said that it was good. He showed THIS and they said that it was good. Indeed, this is the second draft. So he showed them the first draft which, presumably, was even worse than this. And they said, “Yeah, this is good, Newt. Go with it.”

You’d have to be a fucking retard to believe that. These women just want to get paid and they’ll say anything.

This is also the script that Newt said was full of satire about toxic masculinity. WHERE? All I’m seeing is complete nonsense and attacks on Tony, Justin Silverman, and Crystal “Horseface” Quin.

Then, for no reason at all, Sapphire/Horseface starts taking pictures of herself, and says “for the insta…IM SO FUCKING HOT”. It’s insulting Horseface but what the fuck does it have to do with the script? How does it fit AT ALL? She just suddenly starts taking pictures of herself from out of nowhere.

Then Dr Lemlie says that the reason that Sapphire/Horseface is here is because she has a big following on social media and Dr Lemlie is going to create sexy monsters to make money on social media. How are the two at all related? So Sapphire lives in the castle because…she has a big social media following? But she apparently only moved in recently because she doesn’t know that the castle doesn’t have wifi. That was some weird line that I didn’t mention.

So…Sapphire/Horseface is living in the castle…she just moved there recently…and the reason why Dr Lemlie apparently invited Sapphire/Horseface to live there is because she has a big social media following. Why did Sapphire/Horseface choose to live in the castle? What’s in it for her? For that matter, what’s in it for Dr Lemlie? How is Horseface’s social media following going to help the “sexy” monsters and their social media presence? Newt. None of this makes sense. Do you understand? This is garbage.

Dr Lemlie says, “men are filthy little perverts who of course will wanna see naked lady wolf man.”

This is all part of Dr Lemlie’s plan to make money from selling nudes of “sexy” monsters on an OnlyFans type site. I still don’t know how Sapphire/Horseface fits into any of this but let’s move on. And it’s revealed that the reason Dr Lemlie is in debt is because she was sued. It’s not explained about what.

Fritz, the Newt character, is offended by this charactarisation so Dr Lemlie says that Frizt/Newt is an exception. So Fritz/Newt ISN’T a pervert.

In response to this, Fritz/Newt says, “well…you know. some men are extroverts. some men are introverts. i
myself am a pervert. and more than a bit intrigued by this notion of a sexy lady werewolf…some would say im….LYCAN this idea”

So at first Fritz/Newt is offended at being called a pervert. And then he immediately boasts about being a pervert. And this had absolutely nothing to do with extroverts or introverts. It was just a way to shoehorn another unfunny, illogical sex pun into this.

I mean…he’s offended at being called pervert and then immediately calls himself a pervert. It makes no fucking sense.

Newt misspells “altar” as “alter”. REPEATEDLY. He’s a real dope.

Then there’s just immediately a montage of the monsters being created. What’s the motivation for them being created? I don’t know. They want to make money from OnlyFans to pay a bill after they apparently lost a lawsuit and somehow Sapphire/Horseface’s big social media presence will aid in this.

Then Dr Lemlie says, “they’re alive…they’re alive…live nude monsters.”

I think that’s the end of the first act. This is the worst fucking thing ever written.

Then Dr Lemlie is suddenly in front of some stage about to introduce the monsters. Where’s the stage? In the castle or…I don’t know.

Each monster gets their own animated intro in a “groovie ghoules” (sic) vibe. So more explicit plagiarism from The Ideas Man.

Then we see the “sexy” monsters. There’s a big-titted mummy. There’s a big-titted werewolf. There’s a big-titted Frankenstein’s monster. There’s a big-titted vampire. They have painfully unfunny pun names. This is so satirical.

Then we’re at an office that’s described as being “below a dentists (sic) office”. Screenwave shares the same office complex as a dentist’s office.

“there we meet SLOAN VAN HELSING. a chubby little Weasley 30 something with long greasy hair”

This is Ryan Schott. In Newt’s warped mind, Ryan is an evil supervillain…for firing Newt for plagiarising 20 Monster Madness scripts.

It’s said that Sloan was left the company by his father. Same as Ryan Schott. Sloan is playing a video game and says, “look at those electrons. thats right SON. get you some.” It’s a reference to the “electrons move through reality” “meme” that the fags on Reddit drive into the ground.

The script says that three other people in the office but Newt lists four other people.

Winchester- older stern but beautiful militant woman
Mignola- balding chubby tech nerd
Cushing- bearded man with an eyepatch
Blake-optimistic professional younger female

I don’t know who these people are supposed to be. Maybe one of them is Kieran.

By the way, the office is called MEB, which stands for Monsters Enabling Hunters. But…the business that they seem to be in is CLEARLY Youtube…whatever Screenwave does. And it’s video game-focused.

Then there’s a few pages where…I don’t even know what was happening. These three (or was it four?) people were telling the Ryan Schott character that he has to defeat these monsters. I don’t know why. I’m sure that it was thoroughly explained, though. Newt is all about logical story-telling.

Then we’re back to Frankenstein’s castle…in Pennsylvania, where Dr…whoever is sending lightning though the “sexy” Frankenstein’s monster, who has neck bolts for nipples. She’s aroused by this. Mummy Big Tits is stripping for Newt/Fritz. Then Dr Whoever uploads the footage to the Ghouls, Ghouls, Ghouls website. Somebody was apparently filming this but it’s not stated who.

The counter to the website instantly starts going up.

We see a nerd at his computer visitng the site, horny.

Then there’s girl/girl action between Vampire Big Tits and Werewolf Big Tits. Vampire says, “what do you call this?” Werewolf says “doggy style”. You know…because lesbians…it doesn’t make sense. It was just an excuse to shoehorn a nonsensical, unfunny pun in.

When you think of lesbians do you think of doggy style sex? Newt…there’s no fucking penis involved. Do you understand the mechanics of sex and human anatomy? Sure, one of the ladies could get a strap on but first of all, that’s not even what the script is suggesting is happening. According to the script, they’re KISSING. Secondly, doggy style is NOT closely associated with lesbian sex.

You’d want to make a LESBIAN unfunny pun in there. Something about licking pussy or scissoring or something closely associated with LESBIAN sex.

Here’s my idea. You’ve got Vampire Big Tits going down on Werewolf Big tits, right? And Vampire Big Tits says, “God, you really need to clean up down here. Ever hear of a razor?” Get it? Because werewolves are hairy so probably the pussy isn’t so well-groomed. It’s a joke about lesbian monsters. A joke that makes sense in the context. I didn’t just shoehorn some unfunny, unrelated bullshit in there.

Sapphire/Horseface makes a brief appearance in the script. What exactly was her function again? She had a big social media presence. How did that help this monster porn site? It didn’t seem to use her social media presence AT ALL but it still took off.

Then the “sexy” monsters are in a car wash, washing cars nude. This is Newt ripping off Bikini Car Wash Company. And why are they suddenly washing cars? It’s not explained, of course. It’s just an excuse for Newt/Fritz to say, “i think I just creamated”.

Then we’re back to Ryan Schott’s office. He’s angry at the success of this monster porn site. Why? I get that Van Helsing, who the character is based on, hunted monsters but is that it? Can we get some motivation for the character?

“All be it” instead of “albeit”.

Then suddenly Horseface/Sapphire is in the shower recreating the Psycho scene with Mummy Big Tits. They start fondling each other’s breasts. Not even joking. It’s in the script.

Now we get the motivation for Ryan wanting to destroy the monsters. In butchered English, of course. “a solid number of our usual ad revenue is now going to them”

Somehow, Newt, with a peculiar understanding of economics, thinks that since the monster porn site is doing so well, that means that the Youtube channels that Ryan runs will make less money.

Did I mention that this was written in one day?

“Loose” for lose” yet again. He gets it wrong every single time. “Lap top” for “laptop” causes problems for him too.

Then we’re back to more monster porn scenes. Again, no reason. It’s just random monster porn scenes. It’s not advancing the plot in any way. What plot is there to even advance?

So Ryan is angry that the monster porn site is doing so well. Suddenly Horseface/Sapphire appears in his office. Check out this totally clear dialogue.

Ryan: I want the location. I want my revenge

Horseface: I think I can help you with that

Ryan: who the shit are you

Horseface: your candy corn

Was this a pun or satire that I just didn’t get? Or was it just more bullshit that doesn’t make any sense written by a lunatic?

I’m about halfway done. I’ll stop here for now. Bottom of page 35.