Gamer Girls

0:00 – “People have been telling me to try out Shantae games for a few years now.”

And I’ve just never bothered because I don’t give a shit about any of this.

“So I’m excited to see what it’s all about.”

After being asked FOR YEARS, she finally tries the game out. On stream, for money, of course. She’s really excited about it. YEARS later.

0:15 – Takes her a while to remember what a Game Cube is. What a gamer!

0:30 – “I think she’s really cute.”

And then she makes a face and there’s an awkward pause like she’s thinking, “Oh no. That GamerGirls guys is going to comment on this one.”

She just can’t help it. She can’t help making the same asinine comments over and over and over again. Things that are cute. Colors. “X looks like Y”. She knows NOTHING about video games so these are the only sorts of comments that she can make.

What else is she going to talk about? She can’t compare the game to other games. She can’t talk about the controls. She can’t talk about the genre. She can’t talk about the developer. She certainly can’t talk about the history of the game. Sequels. Whatever. Because she knows NOTHING about any of this. So it’s cute things, colours, and “X looks like Y”.

1:15 – “Oh look. She kind of wiggles her butt.”

We’re all jerking off here, Erin. Tell us more about this video game character’s backside.

1:30 – “I find it funny that when the cannon ball goes in the hole, the hole then closes up. Look at that.”

This is like retard levels of stupidity. She thinks that the SHADOW of the cannon ball, what’s CLEARLY the shadow, is a HOLE. A hole that gets filled when then cannon reaches it. A hole, by the way, that just magically appears for no reason.

It’s unbelievable. I think that even somebody who never played a video game before would be able to figure this one out. Who would possibly think that it’s a HOLE?

And ShiShi and the Retard Gang are there jerking off to this. I don’t get it. Why everybody leaving right now? It’s the world’s dumbest fucking comment.

3:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “You love playing Shantae? Okay, cool.”

It’s a complete mystery to me why anybody is in there. She’s a charisma blackhole. She never has ANYTHING to say. Her gameplay is atrocious. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m not jacking off to a 4/10, 35 year old woman in a sweater.

3:30 – She’s reading another comment. “Shantae games are cool? Oh, cool.”

Fuck off.

3:45 – “Risky Boots, the lady pirate, that is so cute.”

Riveting stuff, Erin. This sure beats getting a job. £6,000/year for this trash.

4:30 – Somebody is talking about a game that had a Shantae DLC outfit. You know what Erin said? “That’s cool.”

6:45 – Erin keeps sniffling. Really annoying. Shove tissue up your nose like you usually do.

8:15 – “Now everything’s blue and purple”.

Earlier, she commented on how things are red. This is great stuff.

11:30 – “Now the sun’s out again.”

This is all that she’s doing.

You know, you watch Mike’s streams and you see how he does it. He’ll find a topic, usually inspired by something said in the chat, and he’ll just talk about that topic while playing the game. So he’ll talk about the time that he met Brent Spiner or that he’s coming back to James & Mike Mondays in February 2083 or whatever. When he runs out of stuff to say, he’ll look at the chat again for inspiration for a new topic.

He’s not talking about philosophy or critiquing great works of Western literature but it’s something. He’s at least semi-engaging. I watch these streams for hours. Just for my own enjoyment.

What he’s not doing is talking about cute things in the game, colours, and “X looks like Y”. Because that’s boring as fuck. Who the fuck wants to listen to that?

I don’t know how Mike can stand to live with this woman. She’s a total fucking moron. And a parasite. He’s spending untold thousands of dollars on her just on trips to visit her parents. Never mind all the other shit.

I’d say, “You want to visit your parents? Dip into that $6,000 that you make every year. I’m not paying for that shit.” But Mike is paying for flights to California every two fucking weeks. For this. For Erin Plays. A boring as fuck 35 year old woman who has never had an interesting thing to say in her entire miserable life.

Mike is a man who enjoys buttsex. I can’t really identify. I get the concept. I get the idea of dominating a woman. If you’re fucking her in the ass, it’s pretty clear who’s in control. But from a practical perspective, I’m not fucking putting my dick in there. It’s disgusting. You might as well fuck dudes if that’s what you’re into.

Even pussies, I tolerate them. They’re okay. But I don’t get these guys who are really into pussy. They’re out there hoping to find some pussy. They want to lick pussies. They want to put their dick in there. I mean…you do you but personally…they’re alright at best.

So Mike and his buttsex fetish. Let’s assume that Erin is really receptive to buttsex. We almost have to assume that. Mike talks about buttsex constantly and what other explanation is there for him staying with a total dullard like Erin?

Are there no other women who are into this? Maybe there aren’t, or at least not to the extend that Mike demands it. Maybe Erin is getting fucked in the ass ten times a day. Not many women are going to tolerate that. Maybe he’s fucking her ass so much that she has problems with passing stool.

It’s the only thing that makes sense. It’s the only plausible explanation that I can think of for why Mike remains with this total moron Erin. Spends a fortune on her. She’s giving up her ass far more than an average woman and Mike is really into the sodomy.

Because just watch this video. I’ll give it another few minutes.

13:00 – “Men, spank this one extra hard for Mommy.”

Well, this was timely. She’s quoting from the game but I’m sure it has parallels to her personal life.

14:30 – Somebody is giving some trivia about the game. Erin says, “That’s cool”.

18:00 – There’s a long cut scene and Erin is bored as fucking having to read all of this. I am too. So I’ll stop here.

• “Back in 2001, I wanted this game so badly, but I couldn’t get it because it was one of those rare games that you hardly find in your local Wal-Mart, and because I was going through puberty during that year.”

Umm…not sure what puberty has to do with anything.

So yeah. Is there anything more that I can say about Erin’s ass and theorising how often Mike is fucking it? I think that I’ve exhausted that topic.

I think that buttsex really took off in the 90s and it’s because of porn. Certainly buttsex in porn took off in the 1990s. Everything was anal. You couldn’t make a porn video with just vaginal sex. And of course there were whole series of videos that were nothing but anal.

This seemed to normalise the behaviour for society at large.

I’ll watch it as long as they’re not doing any gaping shots. That’s fucking disgusting. But I don’t think the butt stuff particularly does anything for me. I think that I’d be equally content, if not more content with the traditional vaginal intercourse.