Gamer Girls

Oh baby. She’s spoiling us with another video. She usually puts out a video about once a month but this one is three weeks after her last one.

0:00 – “Do you ever get that feeling that you just never have enough games to play?”

No. No, I don’t. I’m an adult male. And by the abysmal standards of the retro video game community, a reasonably well-adjusted one. But please tell me more.

She’s in Swindon “looking for new games to play.” Uh huh. Tell me that that wasn’t intentionally suggestive. I’m all for it, though.

Where is Swindon anyway? Between Bristol and London. I knew a guy from Bristol. What a piece of shit he was. I just knew him from some band’s website. He was some greasy, fat fuck who had a fat girlfriend and he was always trying to get with some skank who would flirt with him, much to his girlfriend’s chagrin. And he read a lot of books about serial killers.

Then he died, he was probably in his early 30s, I don’t know the cause of death, but everybody started talking about what a great guy he was. Everyone HATED him when he was alive. It wasn’t just me. He was a complete degnerate. But then he died and it was all, “Oh, I sure do miss that piece of shit who was constantly shitty to his girlfriend and talking about serial killers.”

Back to the video. Some reggae music is playing while Lydia is filming some video game shop. Interesting choice of music.

4:00 – It mercifully ends and she’s back home now. Showing off the goods.

One day I’m going to figure out what that thing is in her ear. It has to be for fashion. Could it possible be a hearing aid? A lilac hearing aid? Maybe it’s a fashionable hearing aid.

5:15 – Dune. She expresses her love of the franchise. I too enjoyed the books and to a much lesser extent the Sting movie, and to an even lesser extent, the game. She compares it to Civilization, which is inaccurate. It’s a real-time strategy game so more akin to Age of Empires as opposed to the turn-based strategy of Civilization, but we’re just here to looks her tits and listen to her lovely accent.

5:30 – Crazy Taxi 2. I had this game too. It was okay, I guess. I had a burned copy for my Dreamcast. It just came with the system. I got it from Ebay.

6:00 – Fatal Fury. I played this as well. I played all of the Neo Geo games using an emulator. I was really into it. I don’t even like fighting games but I was obsessed with getting all of the Neo Geo games. In rom form, obviously.

6:15 – She compares it to Streets of Rage and Street Fighter. Umm…Streets of Rage being a side-scrolling beat em up. Umm…okay. I’ll overlook it. Both games involve kicking and punching. I get it.

7:00 – Skies of Arcadia. She gave the price she paid for every other game, but not this one. She says that she’s excited to play it. Well, let me introduce you to the wild world of emulation, Lydia. The game seems to be about £100 on Ebay. Could have saved you some money.

Then she shows the four games she got in more detail. Zoop was the fourth game, by the way.

9:45 – On the Dune cover, it says that it’s from Command and Conquer so she corrects her earlier statement where she said that the game was like Civilization.

11:00 – She describes the manual as “lovely and chunky”. She could be describing herself. I would eat that chunky ass all day.

She ends the video by soliciting game suggestions from the horntards. She also suggests that you follow her on social media.

Well…let’s prepare to be disappointed by checking out her Twitter.

It’s mostly just her advertising her Youtube videos and holding up pictures of video games that she talks about in the videos. She also went to a “gig” so at least it wasn’t entirely promotional material.

Oh, she’s also on Patreon. Five “patrons”. For £15/month you can play a game with her and the other “patrons” (of which I think there are none at this tier level) once a month. Probably Mario Kart, she says.

I’ve suggested this sort of thing many times. Charge people $5 or whatever to play a game with you online on Twitch. That was my suggestion, anyway. It doesn’t have to be on Twitch. It can be private.

But now that I see it being offered…it’s pretty sad. Pretty really sad. She doesn’t want to do this. That’s why you have to pay her £15/month. It’s just lonely nerds buying a friend for a short while, once a month.

She hasn’t uploaded a new video on Patreon in nearly two years. So you won’t get any exclusive content.

What if she was topless and playing the game with you? Would that be worth £15? Maybe. I still wouldn’t do it, though. It’s pathetic.