Revealing Our Top Video-Game Crushes – Zap Cristal

It starts with a PAINFULLY uncomfortable exchange between Zap and Mr Wright Way II where Zap talks about wanting to make a confession and Mr Wright Way II gets increasingly aggressive in his speech as Zap gets increasingly nervous. They’re talking about their video game “crushes” but it’s being suggested that she’s going to talk about cheating on him or something.

This is all worrying knowing Zap’s preference for aggressive, controlling black men. She claims that the original Mr Wright Way was controlling and aggressive. She claims that other men she may or may not have been married to were controlling and aggressive to the point where they tried to kill her. And now she’s “joking” about this with this current black man who’s she’s married to who may or may not be controlling and aggressive.

This is comedy in her mind? Making light of domestic abuse?

3:00 – So Mr Wright Way II says that he wants to have sex with Lara Croft. Or possibly wants to be in an aggressive and controlling relationship with her. Zap “Too Hot to be an Influencer” Cristal also wants to have sex with Lara Croft.

Guys…I don’t think that Lara Croft is interested in either of you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but she can do way better than you two losers.

These are BORING. Spend some fucking time on this shit.

I think I’d go with Zonk, from Air Zonk, when he morphs with Moo Moo but only in the Japanese version, not the censored American version.

She/he shoots milk out of his/her cybernetic tits/udders. I’m all about that.

3:15 – Mr Wright Way II cites Lara Croft’s ability to shoot and stab people as character traits that he finds appealing. This is really getting disturbing.

And this fucking loud music. It’s awful.

4:15 – Zap picks Connor from Assassin’s Creed. Whoever that is.

Oh. It’s a white guy. Come on. Who are you kidding with this?

She should have picked Big Smoke from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. That seems to be her type.

6:45 – Mr Wright Way II starts talking about how hot mixed race people are. Creepy.

7:15 – Bayonetta is Mr Wright Way II’s second pick. I don’t know who this is either. I’m all about the PC Master Race.

8:30 – He starts talking about his fondness for this character because she knows how to shoot. Again with this?

My Air Zonk example was obvious and, in the scheme of things, totally normal. A ladyboy cyborg who shoots milk out of his/her tits. The sexual appeal of this is clear.

I didn’t get into the, “Oh, I really like how Moo Moo/Air Zonk would be able able to kill people” because I’m not a psychopath. If Moo Moo/Air Zonk was with me, his/her killing days would be over. I’d be too busy enjoying those robotic tits, getting soaked in milk. He/she wouldn’t have time to continue his/her mission of saving the planet.

10:00 – Super creep show shit from Mr Wright Way II about how women are “sexual beings” and they shouldn’t be ashamed to “cover their curves”. He’s talking about a video game character.

11:30 – Zap’s second choice is Heisenberg from Resident Evil.

No. I’m rejecting all of this.

This is a woman who married a series of black men and yet both of her choices were white men.

Who would be some Hispanic video game characters who Mr Wright Way II could choose? I’m struggling to think of any Hispanic video game characters. Let me DuckDuckGo this.

Oh, Carmen Sandiego. I guess. I never really thought of her as Hispanic but the name seems to suggest as much.

Maya from Killer Instinct. Yeah, I’d give her some loving.

So let me skip ahead in this god awful podcast.

They still seem to be talking about this shit at the 40 minute mark.

1:00:00 – “If you’ve been enjoying this podcast, if you’re a fan of the Reset and Zap podcast.”

Come on. She’s literally addressing an audience of zero.

Then she shills for Mr Wright Way II’s “album”. It’s the music that LOUDLY plays in the background of every podcast. That was the whole point of inserting this music even though it MASSIVELY takes away from an already awful podcast.

Nobody is watching this podcast. People hate it like poison. She used to get maybe 5,000 to 10,000 views on average for her videos. Now that she switched over to the podcast format, she gets about 500 – 1000. She lost 90% of her audience. I’m the only one watching this. You’re the only one reading this.

The original Mr Wright Way really dodged a bullet with this lunatic.

6 thoughts on “Revealing Our Top Video-Game Crushes – Zap Cristal

  1. 165 views!! I want to see the retention rate! If someone drops out before 1 minute then it’s like less than 1%! I wonder what she says when she sees these returns. She’s not stupid she know how to use the app. All YouTubers obsess over stats on twitter all the time. She has to look at this and say god damn this is awful. I can’t imagine videos out there were nobody has ever seen the end, but they are out there by the millions.

        1. This blog is infinitely more creative and enjoyable than anything that dude and all his alt accounts has ever come up with.

          It’s a shame too, if he didn’t relentlessly patrol the sub and inundate it with penis conversations, maybe a few of the 20,000+ members would actually stimulate a fun conversation.

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