51:30 – Erin says, “I don’t think I like Smurfs.”
She’s never seen it before. Of course. It was before her time and even if it wasn’t, she still wouldn’t have seen it. But why the ambiguity? If you haven’t seen something, you don’t have any opinion on it. Erin doesn’t seem to understand this basic concept.
Oh. Then she says that Snorks are better. Another cartoon before her time. So she’s pretending to like the Snorks now, despite the fact that she hasn’t seen any of this and knows nothing about it.
It’s just completely insane. Why does she do this? Why pretend that you’ve seen children’s cartoons that were cancelled before you were born? What is achieved by pretending to have these fake interests?
52:00 – Erin points out the the game says Coleco. That’s because it’s a Coleco game, Erin. This isn’t hard to understand.
I had a friend who had a Colecovision. He didn’t have an Atari. And I don’t think that he ever got a Nintendo or any of that shit, which is weird. I didn’t either, really, but I had a PC, which was unusual back in the day. But he had a Colecovision.
And I’d go to his house sometimes and play Smurfs. It sucked. You just jump fences and I remember having difficulty with it. Dying on fences. It’s not what you want in a video game.
He also had Smurfs glasses. There was a little sticker or something of a Smurf on his glasses. He must have been big into Smurfs.
It was a weird family. Only one friend was allowed in the house at a time and he strictly enforced that. And it’s not like we were running wild. We were all well-behaved kids. His parents obviously had this rule.
And there was a police scanner in his basement. This was popular hobby, I guess, in the 1970s and 1980s. Listening to a police scanner. Maybe it was a CB radio. I don’t know. But we couldn’t touch it.
And he had Legos but not like I had Legos, all jumbled in a drawer. He just assembled the Lego car or whatever and put it on a shelf. He apparently never felt the urge to disassemble it and make something else.
There were a lot of Precious Moments figurines in the house too. His mother collected them.
He lived with his parents for a long time. Into his 30s maybe. And then he got a place with his sister. It’s weird.
Even though we were friends up until the 8th grade or so, and we’d walk to school every day, in all these years, I never asked anyone to tell me what he did for a living or what he’s up to. I never contacted him on Facebook or anything (I don’t have Facebook). And that’s weird too. I was just doing my own thing.
52:15 – “Everybody’s asking why Gargamel didn’t like the Smurfs and why he wanted to eat them.”
Well, tell us Erin. You claim to have to have watched the show enough to say that you don’t like it and that Snorks is better. Give us the lore. Tell us about Gargamel wanting to turn them into gold. It was mentioned in many, many, MANY episodes of the show.
Mike doesn’t know either. What’s wrong, Mike? I thought that you were a big Smurfs fan. This is your era. You were offended when Erin said she didn’t like the Smurfs. You don’t remember any episodes where Gargamel was trying to turn the Smurfs into gold?
53:00 – “I don’t like the Smurfs. I think Mike likes the Smurfs.”
Clearly not. Knows nothing about it. You can’t enjoy the show without knowing Gargamel’s motivation for wanting to capture the Smurfs. He was a Jewish caricature. Obsessed with money. Immoral. Big nose.
Let me look this up. I know that this gold angle wasn’t explored in every episode and sometimes it just seemed like he was chasing them for no reason but it was definitely a large part of the story, at least in the…I don’t know…second to fourth seasons. Maybe not during the Homnibus era and maybe not during the latters seasons where they had the Smurflings and definitely not during the last season with that time travel shit but in the middle there were definitely episodes where Gargamel was trying to capture Smurfs to turn them into gold. He needed seven of them, or something. A biblical reference.
https://smurfs.fandom.com/wiki/Gargamel_(character)#What_Does_He_Need_the_Smurfs_For?
Yeah. Right here. I was 100% right.
Mike is unable to jump over the first fence. So it wasn’t just me. It is difficult.
54:15 – “Look at him walk!”
Oh, it’s adorable isn’t it? This is what we’re here for. To listen to Erin point out “cute” things in games that she’s never played before and will never play again.
56:00 – Erin says, “Why is there only one girl Smurf? Because she was probably an afterthought.”
Really? That’s all you have to say? If you don’t know the answer, Erin, that’s fine. Just say, “I don’t know. I don’t know anything about the Smurfs. I was born in 1987. Is that okay with you retards? I don’t give a shit about the fucking Smurfs.”
Cool. It’s no problem, Erin. The problem is the constant lies.
Gargamel, of course, created Smurfette as a way to infiltrate the Smurf village and lead them all to his castle. Or something. I don’t know the plan exactly. But she started off with black hair and then when her heart was opened to the overwhelming love that she found in the Smurf village, she became a true Smurf and her hair turned into a sexy blonde.
And later, there was also Sassette. So there’s not just one female Smurf. Wasn’t there also a grandma Smurf? I know that there was a grandpa Smurf with that long beard and yellow hat. He came along in one of the later seasons. But was there a grandma too? I don’t know. And that’s okay. It’s okay not to know everything about the Smurfs. But don’t make shit up.
Then Mike makes the obvious sex joke about Smurfette getting gangbanged by the Smurfs but he thinks that there’s 150 Smurfs. No, you fucking idiot. Traditionally, the number was 100. It was said many times during the course of the show. It must have been because I know for a fact that 100 was the number given as the number of Smurfs. Later, they obviously added new Smurfs, which changed the number, but 100 is the canon population of the Smurf village.
59:00 – Erin says, “Do the loops get harder? Probably not.”
This despite the fact that she watched the entire second loop, which was clearly harder, and Mike mentioned this several times. She must not know what a “loop” is. She’s a fucking moron.
59:45 – Mike starts waxing idiotic about how great it was in the “early 80s” that we had Rainbow Brite, the Smurfs, and He-Man. Mike was born in 1980. How can he possibly remember the early 1980s? He’s a fucking clown.
1:01:00 – Erin asks Mike if he wants to play more Carnival. Erin loves that game. She’s “addicted” to it. Despite the fact that she obviously knew absolutely nothing about the game and never played it before. But now she’s all about it. She doesn’t want to play one of the other 500 games on the Atari. She just wants to keep playing Carnival.
You know what? That’s enough for me. We can stop here. I can’t watch this shit any more. We got the Smurfs. We got my story about my weird neighbour. That’s good enough. I’m not going to fucking watch them play Carnival AGAIN and have Erin pretend to be remotely interested in this shit.
The video will be about that fucking fishing game that she played, on stream, for money, and then never again. She’s a big Fishing Duel fan, or whatever it was called.
Riveting stuff, Erin. What a unique and fulfilling life that you’ve lead.