I watched this yesterday. I don’t remember anything too stupid in this so it might get a little nitpicky but just consider it to be in the style of the defunct Irate Gamer Sucks blog.
https://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/
0:00 – World’s worst actor. He does this annoying bug-eyed thing. What a shit load of…something. Something deeply unfunny.
1:00 – “There’s always one small footnote in history that everyone seems to gloss over. Now, it’s one of the biggest shots that Coke ever fired across the bow of Pepsi. And that shot was a little known title called Coke Wins.”
Did Chris BORES even read this script? He’s talking about an obscure game that was given at some Coke corporate meeting to like 125 people. So in these three sentences, he startes by calling it a “small footnote”, then in the next sentence it’s “one of the biggest shots”, and then in the final sentence it’s a “little known title.”
Which is it? Is it big or little? It can’t be both.
1:30 – He claims that it’s the rarest Atari game. At least one nerd in the comments corrects this.
“After doing my own deep dive research on this game, I’ve finally cracked the code.”
Uh huh. Let me do my own deep dive research. I’ll Google “Pepsi Invader”.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pepsi_Invaders
There’s the Rosetta Stone that Chris BORES discovered. Just about everything in that article is mentioned in his video.
2:00 – He’s talking about how Coca-Cola purchased Columbia Pictures for $700 million. Then he says, “Mere chump change for any Hyrulian” and there’s a doctored video of Link buying a building (that represents Columbia Pictures) for 700 million rupees.
What does Link have to do with Coca-Cola? The directors of Coca-Cola weren’t from Hyrule. Why did Chris BORES say that they were? It doesn’t make any fucking sense. What’s the connection? Explain the “joke”.
Just terrible writing.
2:15 – Terrible acting AND terrible lighting as we see Chris BORES in his “game room” that’s full of those cheap tabletop arcade machines that NOBODY likes.
2:30 – Cringey as fuck skit of Chris Bores and two other people (also played by Chris Bores…of course) singing that New York song from some musical. Chris Bores does seem like a musical theatre fan.
3:00 – He describes some game where you control a tank as a “rehash of Frogger.” It looks NOTHING like Frogger. The gameplay seems to be nothing like Frogger. How the fuck did he come up with Frogger for this?
3:15 – Unbelieveably cringe bad acting by Chris BORES as he gets “irate” over one of his $200 tabletop arcade machines.
4:00 – “So now you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with this Coca-Cola game. Well, hold on, Mr Impatient. I’m getting there.”
Uh huh. I’m Mr Impatient.
By the way, all of that shit that Chris BORES was talking about…it had almost nothing to do with this Coca-Cola game.
4:45 – “Thankfully, yes, I do have an original copy in my hands here to review today. Let me tell you that this was damn near impossible to find because Coca-Cola only made 125 copies to hand out to potential clients in 1983. And when they did hand these out to potential clients, they didn’t come in these fancy packages. No, I ended up buying this online.”
He’s been holding this package up the whole time. So…he starts by saying that he has an ORIGINAL COPY. He goes on to talk about how it was “damn near impossible” to find this because there were only 125 of the games made.
Then he says, “Oh, I just bought this online. It’s a reproduction.”
Fucking idiot. He does not read these scripts. He just shits them out in a day, Newt Wallen style, and then films it.
Let me look this up.
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/889284754/pepsi-invaders-box-for-the-atari-2600
Somebody is selling them on their Etsy shop for $20. This was the first result on Google. Wasn’t damn hard to find. And it wasn’t an original. And they probably made more than 125 of these things. There are 244 reviews of the product, after all.
5:30 – He said “swag bag” for at least the third time in this video.
6:30 – Chris BORES suggests that the CEOs of Pepsi, “Probably look like aliens.”
Another insane conspiracy theory that Chris BORES believes in, I guess. Like the lizard people.
7:00 – TERRIBLE acting as Chris BORES pretends to play the game.
7:15 – “I’m surprised that nobody else made a bigger deal about this game because this is damn near epic.”
It’s Space Invaders but they replaced the aliens with the words PEPSI. Who cares? This is shit. This is boring. It’s just a sprite swap. And a BAD sprite swap. A child could have made this.
8:00 – More AWFUL acting from Chris BORES as he pretends to play the game. He needs to stop including these shots. They don’t add anything. They just detract. They’re annoying. Stop doing this.
8:30 – An animated Pac-Man starts chewing on Chris BORES’ balls or something. I don’t even know. What was the joke here? Once again, there is none. He is not checking any of this writing.
9:15 – “Being somebody who’s actually attended a few of these high-profile company meetings in the past, I can say that without a doubt that out of 125 of these copies, sadly, probably half of those were tossed out and…”
And he continues estimating how many copies of this game still exist based on his vast experience of attending “high-profile company meetings.”
I think that this is the first time that I’ve actually laughed at an Irate Gamer video. What high-profile company meetings is he attending? In one of his awful podcasts, where he just talks about conspiracy theories, he was telling some nutjob story about talking to some bigwig about something and then the deal fell through but he was really hazy on the details and refused to elaborate because he thought that his life would be in danger if he said anything. Or something. It was completely insane. He clearly has mental health problems.
But also, how does any of this prepare him for being able to estimate how many of these games still exist? “Oh, I’ve been to a lot of high-profile company meetings so I can guess with precision how many Atari games still exist.” It doesn’t follow. It makes no fucking sense.
10:00 – Now, for no reason at all, Chris BORES is holding a packet of Kool-Aid. There’s more terrible acting. And then he re-uses footage from a previous video, from YEARS ago, of Chris BORES dressed as the Kool-Aid man bursting through a wall.
Then the video ends on a low note with a shot of Chris BORES once again pretending to be “irate”. Terrible, terrible, horrible, god awful…umm…scandalously bad acting.
- “It’s just a Wikipedia read with some lame jokes thrown in.”
It’s accurate. Had I read this, I wouldn’t have even written the article. This guy summed the video up perfectly.