This is like Erin’s tenth stream of Splatterhouse. She apparently beat it in this no doubt heavily-edited video. And here’s what she had to say on Twitter:
“Yay! Finally beat Splatterhouse on TG-16! I love this game. I’m probably going to stream it a bit more though because I want to get better at beating it”
So even though she’s already streamed the game like ten times, and even Erin’s “fans” are sick to the back teeth with this shit, she’s going to continue to stream it. Why? If you like that game, that’s fantastic. Video games are fun, aren’t they, Erin? But just play them in your spare time like a normal person. It doesn’t have to always be on stream, for money.
And indeed, she has apparently played this again. As here:
“Showing Mike how to play Splatterhouse”. Because Mike is a total video game noob and he needs a pro gamer like Erin to explain the game to him. Erin, whose only experience with the game are these ten fucking streams that she recently did. But now she’s an expert. Now she’s going to show Mike how it’s done.
It’s fucking ridiculous. Nobody wants this. Play a different fucking game. Not Castlevania. Not Splatterhouse. Not Vampire Survivor. Something else. There are millions of games out there. Millions of games that you’ve never played before. Try them out.
There is absolutely no way that anybody can be interested in this. Even ShiShi must be going to these streams and saying, “Fuck. Splatterhouse AGAIN? I think I’m going to jerk off to Retro Ali’s anime girl stream instead.”
0:45 – “I still think it looks like those bats are wearing lipstick.”
The triumphant return of Erin’s favourite “joke”, “X looks like Y”. And evidently, she’s told this one before. On a previous stream of this game. So not only do you get a stream of the exact same game over and over again, you also get the exact same fucking “jokes” over and over again. “Jokes” that were never funny to begin with.
“It looks like those fake candy wax lips or whatever they are.”
Riveting stuff, Erin. And I’m in fucking hysterics. You’re a real Paula Poundstone.
3:30 – “I wish I could go to a real-life Splatterhouse, except the monsters weren’t real.” “I just want to go to a house like this and whack obstacles like this. I think that would get rid of a lot of frustrations.”
Oh. Very interesting.
“People are always like, ‘Oh my god. You’re so calm.'”
Not calm, Erin. Boring as fuck.
5:30 – A horntard compliments Erin’s top. Because for once she’s wearing something slightly tight. She has to give the horntards something since she’s been playing this game repeatedly. Something to keep their attention. “Look at my small boobs, retards.”
6:00 – She’s reminiscing about beverages that she DIDN’T drink.
7:30 – ShiShi gifts a sub. In other words, he gave Erin money. For this. He finds this entertaining. The tenth fucking Splatterhouse stream in a row from Erin.
9:00 – She says that she wants to play some music in this game on her bass guitar. But, “With all my hand issues, I can’t play it.”
Then she reveals that her guitar is still at her parents’ home. When is she going to move all of her stuff to Mike’s place? They’re been together for many years. This is the love of her life. Mike Matei. This isn’t just a buttsex for Youtube promotion thing. This is a real relationship. They’re soulmates.
But she still has a lot of stuff at her parents’ house. So she obviously thinks that this thing with Mike is just temporary.
9:15 – Pizza? I want pizza. I always feel so lame or like ten years old when people ask what my favourite food is and I say, ‘pizza’. But it is.”
Lame indeed, Erin. She gives the shittiest, most boring answers to absolutely everything.
10:15 – She reveals that she likes In and Out, which is a restaurant chain on “The West Coast”. She goes on to say that she likes the fries “well done”.
What the fuck? I’ve never heard of this. You’re asking for “well done” french fries? The good news is that every time she makes that absolutely idiotic request, the cook is spitting in her fries.
It’s like going to McDonalds and saying, “Can I have my fries medium-rare, please?” “Oh sure. No problem. Let me just wipe my ass on them first.”
11:45 – She dies. “I’m not ready for this. I’m not in the zone. The Auto Zone.”
Well, I’ll give her this. This was an actual joke. Not a good one, of course, but an actual joke. She’s referencing a defunct store. Auto Zone is defunct, right? Or are they still in business?
No, they’re still trading. Do they say “trading” in the US for when a business is still in operation? I don’t know.
But I went to an Auto Zone when I was 17. My friend was driving me home from school and he said that he wanted to return some items and asked if I would do it. I said that I would. He was driving me home, after all. Didn’t ask for payment or anything.
So he gives me like five bottles of windshield wiper fluid and some other shit. I say, “Are they really going to take all of this?” He says, “Yeah. I do it all the time. If they ask what happened, tell them that your car broke down.”
So I bring all of this shit in, put it on the counter, and ask for the money back. The guy looks at this pile of stuff and says, “What the hell happened?” I say that my car broke down. He said, “Oh. So you don’t need this shit any more.” I said, “No.” Then he gave me the money back.
But that’s some low-class shit. Why did he even have all of this windshield fluid? Why was he regularly returning stuff to Auto Zone?
12:00 – She’s reading from the chat. “Any gaming events in Boston this year? I don’t know of any.”
You don’t say. What do people possibly expect Erin to say to these types of questions? She doesn’t give the slightest of fucks about video games, you fucking retards. What are you not understanding?
“As of this time, no. Not that I know of.”
There’s probably loads of video game shit going on in Boston now. But of course Erin doesn’t know. It’s like if somebody asked me, “Hey, are there are any upcoming Backstreet Boys events in Philadelphia” What the fuck do I know?
But I wouldn’t say, “No”, like Erin did. Because that implies that I’m somehow in the Backstreet Boys loop. I’m not. I have no fucking idea what Backstreet Boys shit is going on.
Why can’t she just admit that she has absolutely no interest in video games? It’s not like it’s even a question. Anybody with half a brain can watch her videos for two minutes and immediately realise that she knows nothing about video games and isn’t interested. So why continue this ridiculous facade?
So let’s look see what upcoming video game events are coming to Boston.
Oh, a little thing called PAX East is happening late March. From those braying jackasses at Penny Arcade.
And today, 8 February, there’s the highlight of my social calendar: The Queer Woman Board Game Speed Dating at Castle Island Brewing. Not strictly video game stuff but video game adjacent. Nerd shit, certainly. And maybe you’ll get a date out of it. That’s always good.
Wow. Tickets are sold out. At $30 each. How is it possible? Lot of sexy lesbians in Boston who enjoy board games, I guess.
20:15 – She’s reading from the chat. “Am I still collecting Masters of the Universe figures? I stopped because it’s just…there’s so many.”
She stopped right after she made that video where she showed the figures. The figures that Mike bought for her.
Why can’t she just admit it? Admit that you have absolutely no interest in any of this and you only do this shit for the videos. “Won’t that be admitting that I’m a total fraud?” Yes. Of course. But that’s already obvious to anyone with a modicum of intelligence. So you might as well admit to it.
Here’s the review of that video where she opened the He-Man figures:
That was in April 2021. Nearly two years ago. She talked about colours. The colours of the figures. Which colours she liked. She didn’t know the characters. She didn’t give a fuck about the characters. So what else is left to talk about? Colours, obviously.
And I’m not saying that Erin should be interested in He-Man. It was a cartoon for BOYS. And the show was cancelled before she was born. Why would any of this POSSIBLY appeal to Erin? It doesn’t. Obviously.
Then why make the video? Why pretend that you’re interested in He-Man? As a 33 year old woman? And you’re buying the toys?
It is completely ridiculous. Just admit that you only do this shit for the videos. NOBODY CARES. They’ll still watch. These people are straight up, no-fooling RETARDS. They’re going to watch no matter what you say or do. You’re not fooling anybody with this shit. They’re watching because they want to jerk off to a woman playing a video game. That’s their thing. They don’t care if you’re actually into it or not.
I’ve given this example before. It’s like porn for these people. When you’re watching porn, you don’t care if the woman is actually a qualified nurse. You just go along with the fantasy.
“Unless there’s something that I really want that’s cool…then maybe.”
So no. The answer is no, Erin. You will not be buying more Masters of the Universe figures. Why can’t you just say it? Unless you’re planning on making another Youtube video of the figures, you’re not going to buy any more.
Speaking of toys, what’s with Pegwarmers? It’s unwatchable now. The guy lost the podcast studio because all of the other Screenwave podcasts that used it, ceased to be. So now he’s just streaming from his home and it’s…bad. Bad audio. Bad everything.
He promised that he would still have guests but it would invariably done by Skype. I don’t want to watch that. The bad Skype audio and video.
This guy needs to invest in a table and some audio and/or video equipment. Then just do the videos from his fucking basement, as he is doing, but of watchable quality. If you have too much shit to have a decent setup, get rid of it. Sell some toys and invest the money in a table and equipment.
Anyway, back to super gamer grrl cum He-Man fan Erin Plays. She’s not going to beat this on this first attempt of the day. And I don’t want to watch any more. So I’m just going to skip to the end.
1:44:45 – Oh. Erin’s mouth is agape. ShiShi is cumming. Target practice for that retard. He’s imagining jizzing her mouth, in case I was being too subtle.
“I thought that there would be more of an ending.”
Then she starts rubbing her hands.
“I was getting nervous because, like, my hands were hurting and I don’t think that I can do another…another round of continues tonight.”
Uh huh. And here we get the fake carpal tunnel syndrome. Everything is a lie with Erin. Why can’t she be honest about anything?
1:46:15 – “Yeah, I’m going to try to beat it again.”
Why? If you just like the game, play it in your spare time. There’s no reason, whatsoever, to subject the horntards to this game any more. What’s going to be any different? It’s the same fucking game.
“Not tonight because I need to rest my hands but maybe tomorrow or the next day. Because I want to get good.”
Yeah. Fine. Get good in your spare time. Not on stream, for money.
How many hours would it take to get good at this game? Hundreds, right? She’s going to play this for hundreds of hours, on stream, for money? The horntards are going to riot. They’ll watch just about anything but there’s a limit. This is crossing the line.
1:47:45 – She’s at the end screen. The credits have rolled. And now the word “End” is on the screen. And she keeps saying, “What’s going to happen? I’m nervous.”
NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU MORON. YOU CAN’T SEE THE GIANT WORD “END” ON THE SCREEN? THAT MEANS THAT THE GAME IS OVER.
1:49:15 – Then there’s an edit. And she says, “Sorry for the short stream but I will come back and we’ll try to beat it again. Because I’m addicted right now. So I hope you guys aren’t tired of it. I don’t think — I feel like Castlevania and Splatterhouse, I just don’t get tired of it. And I feel like you guys are my people and you also don’t get tired of those two games. So it’s all good. I also want to play Vampire Survivors again because I haven’t played it in over a month and for a while I was playing it a little too much because it’s so addicting and I like it.”
Uh huh. She’s “addicted”. Can’t stop playing these same three games over and over and over again. That’s fine. That’s how it is with anyone. You play a game for a while, then you play something else, then you might come back to that game later.
But this is if you’re playing these games in your spare time. On Twitch, the idea is to play games that OTHER PEOPLE want to watch. You don’t just beat the same three games into the ground. People are sick of this shit. Even the retards who watch Erin’s videos.
There are, obviously, streamers who only play one game. But do you want to watch this over and over again? Erin, who sucks at video games, playing Splatterhouse and Castlevania and Vampire Survivor ad nauseum?
I believe that the people who only stream one game tend to be playing online first or third person shooters. Or at least they’re playing some online game, against other people. So you’re getting something different every time. Can this guy beat the other people?
They’re not playing 30 year old linear games. Poorly. And Splatterhouse sucks dick. It’s a bad game.
I guess that Erin just doesn’t want her $3,000/year. She’s just going to throw her “career” away.
So then what is she going to do? Get a job at Auto Zone? I’d be the first person there returning a crate of windshield washing fluid. Blue windshield washing fluid, like they had in the 1990s. And if she gave me any attitude, I’d ask to speak to the manager. And the manager would be Newt Wallen. And he would not resolve things to my satisfaction. So I’d write an angry email to corporate headquarters and they’d offer me a canned apology and a $25 gift card.